DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

[Underpressure13]

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

@MTNT

He clearly came round expecting to banger

😂😂 With his pork sword.

Had to turn off last night - it was all starting to get to me. Then I remembered - whilst lying in bed - that sometimes when I’m connecting up to the internet on my laptop - somewhere in the options ‘ hidden network’ pops up . That’s all it says - have tried to click on it or investigate more but I’ve never got anywhere ( I’m not that tech savvy)
I actually asked DP about it as he knows everything about computers and he said some people in the area probably have a different kind of network / not to worry about it etc - but I’ve often thought it’s odd. It doesn’t appear every time . I live very remotely so not more than about 3 other computers in the area I could pick up anyway . I don’t have WiFi - I use my iPhones personal hotspot . He logs on sometimes with his android WiFi . He often brings his laptop over for the kids to watch films on as it’s better quality than mine. His devices are often in the house and he regularly charges his phone ( and the Bluetooth speaker the other day ) into the laptops. It all goes over my head tbh - I don’t want to be in a constant state of wondering / suspecting so I’ve tried to see that as all above board tech stuff .

We’re meant to be having our first long weekend together with my kids today/ tomorrow. Usually my ex has the kids every weekend but he’s away on holiday with new DP, so it’s quite special to have the weekend to camp with the kids.
Now I just feel weirded out and like there’s a big grey cloud hanging over the whole thing. I just wish I knew either way . I will try to say something out loud soon and see what happens later. Will keep doing this and taking extra care to listen for clues. In the meantime I’ll check the kitchen a bit closer and question again about last night - but he’s had a long time now to think of a route out of that one
I wonder if he’s wanted to listen in as my friend ( the male he accused me of having an affair with ) came to visit On holiday recently and the two of us went out walking for the day . He was really cool about it this time and didn’t even want details after . Now it makes me wonder if he still suspects me and wants to listen in / read messages ( I’m not doing anything wrong Incase you’re wondering !)
Anyway that’s just an afterthought . I’ll report back later on / once I have more info .

You need to start making up some wild stuff just to test him and see if he is listening in

How old are your kids @Underpressure13.

Is there any chance hes spying on them as well.

I think you need to finish it,if he doesnt trust you and you are weary of him.Its not good,

He's probably reading this thread too. Hello Mr Sneaky!!

No matter what explanation he bangs out, will you ever be able to fully trust you aren’t being spied on? I’d be getting rid.

Perhaps refer her to the recent thread where the OP discovered a hidden camera and called the police and he “dp” was arrested...

Sorry for making jokes earlier, but i can't see how you can carry on the relationship while suspecting this. (I'd probably still go camping though, then end it).

This is all too weird and I’d be concerned more about my kids than anything else. Turn off the speaker for starters!!

There is WAY too many little “things” in this relationship... It’s obvious you don’t trust him 100%.

Forgot to add- I would be questioning him and would trust either!!

Also if you look online, hidden networks are used by hackers. I’d be pretty concerned at this point.

I think he's spying on you.

If you had mentioned it and forgot, he would have said you told him. Same with your mum
But he didn't. He said " instinct I guess."
He knew about them. He knew there were some to reheat. He didn't even try to say you'd mentioned it.

There's only one way he knew.

Forgot to add to my last....what about your kids? Keep a very close eye on them, it wouldn't be the first time, and the thought of that sends shivers down my spine.

He does sound suss. But whether he's guilty or innocent doesn't really matter. You don't trust him. It's time to cut your losses.

This sounds very suspicious to me OP.

Ffs just get rid of the dickhead and get your phone checked.

Why do you have this guy around your kids?
The fact that you've made several threads about this guy and even have to question his motives should be enough to get rid of him. You don't need to question him, he's not going to say 'oh right yeah I was spying'.

This thread and others like it give me the heebie jeebies. If I even suspected I'd be going mad. Get rid of anything he's bought you, have your phone checked and get rid of him! What a creepy man. Invasion of privacy like this is absolutely unacceptable!

Had the sausages rolls been in the fridge before? Did he know you had bought them? Or could he not have known because you don't live together and he hasn't been in your house between you buying them and him turning up and asking where they were?
Check with your mum whether she might have mentioned them to him.
Also look on your phone to see if you accidentally dialled his number and he might have heard you talking about them when you didn't realize he was listening.

However, the simple fact is, you don't trust him. Him coming in and asking where the sausage rolls to reheat were has set off this entire chain of thought which means that the possibility of him spying on you somehow has been at the back of your mind all the time.
If you didn't have concerns and trust issues you might have thought it was a bit weird but just a coincidence or lucky guess and that would have been the end of it.
But, instead, you've spent hours chewing over it and the possibilities and come on Mumsnet to ask others about it. That indicates to me that you really don't trust him and that their are red flags in the relationship for you.
As well as that, you've had other threads on here relating to him and his computer use and him snatching his phone away from you so you can't see what's on it, which at that point led you to be concerned that he might be gay.
You also left a long term relationship due to emotional abuse and began a relationship with this guy. It's often the case that when you've got out of an abusive relationship without working on yourself and your self-esteem etc, you attract the next abusive, controlling fucker because they can see the vulnerability in you and know they can exploit this.

I really think you should dump this guy. You do not trust him and there is a very real possibility that he might be spying on you. Get that bluetooth speaker out of your home immediately. Dump the guy and then think whether you have any friends who might have knowledge about spying methods etc. who can check your devices and internet connection for tracking/recording/spying apps.

I’d be less worried about the sausage rolls and more worried about what he might be filming / Recording of my kids and what he might be doing with that.

Don't show you are suspicious and question him or he'll know you are on to him and cover his tracks.

I agree you should just dump this guy. Way too much going on here.

But... I'd also desperately want to catch him out, or at least confirm my suspicions in my own head, even if not telling him.

Make a call to you your local sexual health clinic to arrange an appointment. Say just enough that it would be obvious you had some concerns. Then see how your sex life goes.

Or be concerned about a pregnancy. You're sure it's DP's. But then there was that one time when that friend visited on holiday.

OP:

According to one site,
"If you have an iPhone, however, it would likely need to be “jailbroken”—a process that removes manufacturer restrictions—in order for the installation to occur, since stalkerware is generally not available in the iPhone App Store. According to Motherboard reporter Joseph Cox, one possible way to tell if your phone has been jailbroken is to search your phone for an app called “Cydia,” which allows users to install software onto jailbroken devices. If the app shows us, this is a strong clue that someone may have been installing unwanted software onto your device. If it doesn’t, however, that’s not a guarantee that surveillance software isn’t already on your phone. You can bring your phone to a carrier like an Apple store to have them check it out, but even this is quite risky for someone potentially being watched."

I'd get your iPhone checked and accidentally break the blue-tooth speaker. Do you know anyone in IT who could check out your home system?

Of course, if you're having to go to such lengths, the relationship is dead in the water anyway, but you need your personal security and privacy back if you split with him.

There's no way I'd stay in this relationship. Once you start suspecting spying, what's the point? And I think he is suspicious.