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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

712 replies

Underpressure13 · 28/08/2020 20:55

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation Shock
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

OP posts:
category12 · 29/08/2020 10:51

And fgs don't do the above suggestion - if he is stalking you, who knows what he'd do if thought you were cheating on him - that kind of controlling behaviour doesn't stop at checking up on you.

imissthesouth · 29/08/2020 10:54

Get rid of the speaker ASAP. If he's plugging it into the computer to "charge it" he could actually be downloading footage of it. They sell things like these as nanny cams. The hidden network would also concern me if you live remotely, possibly a VPN he has connected your computer too to intercept its data

NeedToKnow101 · 29/08/2020 10:57

Actually I think I'd cancel camping too.

excelledyourself · 29/08/2020 10:59

@category12 is right. I'm just too keen not to let someone get one over on me. And obviously have no clue how he'd react. Sorry OP.

SummerWhisper · 29/08/2020 11:07

What he's doing is illegal. Against the law. Go to the police now. Do not go away with him. He possibly knows about this thread.

ScammedOrWhat · 29/08/2020 11:12

Disconnect from the Bluetooth speaker.

Change your Wifi password. Tell him it's because you were worried about the hidden network so just wanted to secure your wifi.

Check your internet settings to make sure you're not automatically connecting to another network.

Then wait... if you've broken his surveillance method he'll want to fix it back up.

carlywurky · 29/08/2020 11:22

I'd also make sure you let someone in rl know about this, especially if you live remotely. Set up some kind of safe word with them (in person with phone switched off) so they can get you help if needed.

His behaviour is unhinged and you need to protect yourself and your dcs while you figure the next steps.

Comfyonion · 29/08/2020 11:35

The Bluetooth speaker sounds dodgy af to me. If you look a few up on Amazon do they look familiar, and what they are capable of doing? If you keep leaving it switched off will he keep switching it on when he comes over? Sorry you are going through this OP

Original poster
Underpressure13 · 29/08/2020 12:29

I’ve spoken to mum - we spoke in a different language which helps . Hatched a plan for the weekend and we’ll review Monday . Checked my computer quickly earlier- lately he’s installed Microsoft edge on there ( linked to his email) and cortana is there ( but maybe it always was) I can see that the administrator of the computer links his email ? Weird . His email is linked to most browsers on my pc and they all have sync options .
Trying to have a normal wkend for my kids ( both under 11) were having croissants and a film now . I think I’ll try to build up evidence over the wkend . Keep you posted . Thanks Flowers

OP posts:
EggyPegg · 29/08/2020 12:40

The fact that it's all linked to his email is so dodgy. There is no legitimate reason for him to have done that!

Motoko · 29/08/2020 12:45

OP, if all your devices are synched, and they have his email, chances are he has all your passwords, including your Mumsnet one. He's probably been reading this thread. Be very careful, he'll know what you're planning.

Regularsizedrudy · 29/08/2020 12:45

I’m sorry but you are being an absolute mug. You have no real ties to this man - live apart, no kids etc. He has accused you of having an affair and is SPYING ON YOU why the hell aren’t you running for the hills? Does he have a magical golden penis? What the fuck are you getting out of this relationship he sounds like a total nut job.

LadyCatStark · 29/08/2020 12:48

I’m sorry but he must be watching/ listening somehow as if there was any other explanation, he’d have told you instead of saying it was ‘instinct’ which is a terrible excuse!

LilyWater · 29/08/2020 12:49

OP get rid of that bluetooth speaker he bought you! Make sure your mum knows about everything going on with him including this latest strange sausage roll incident just in case anything happens to you. Very important

LilyWater · 29/08/2020 12:51

Also he'll know about this thread since mumsnet sends notification emails to your email address! Change your email (and other) passwords ASAP to something he wont be able to guess. Worth buying yourself an iPad or new laptop that you can use securely.

makingbacon · 29/08/2020 12:56

Placemarking Blush

I need to see how this ends.

Sorry you're in this OP!

AhNowTed · 29/08/2020 12:58

There is ZERO reason for anything on your PC to be linked to him.

And he's made himself the fucking administrator!!

I would be calling the police.

disappointingdessert · 29/08/2020 12:58

What do you need evidence for?! What on earth does he need to be the administrator for on your computer and have your browser history synced? Get your shit together honestly.

justasking111 · 29/08/2020 13:03

@SummerWhisper

What he's doing is illegal. Against the law. Go to the police now. Do not go away with him. He possibly knows about this thread.
This, he knows exactly what is going on re mumsnet.
MondayYogurt · 29/08/2020 13:07

While you seem puzzled and disconcerted I'm not actually getting the impression this bothers you that much. Is that right?

What do you know about his past relationships? A pattern of control would be useful information.

Because he is controlling you.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 29/08/2020 13:10

He’s probably shitting himself if he’s reading this thread (and I bet he is). As he should be.

Hey dickhead - you’ll be lucky to get away without being arrested.

Ditch this prick OP, and sweep your house, phones and computers clean. He’s probably got listening devices all over.

TenShortStories · 29/08/2020 13:10

He's hacking into your computer and other devices and potentially spying on you with a hidden mic/camera.

I'd agree with police, and quickly - you have kids in the house. Who knows what his motives are, and you'll never be able to unpick it yourself as you aren't tech savvy. This isn't one to sit around on deciding what to do.

justasking111 · 29/08/2020 13:12

A man in next village was caught doing this to his wife, he got 18 months inside she divorced him in the interim.

Daleksatemyshed · 29/08/2020 13:14

Sorry Op but I couldn't live with this level of mistrust, if you're always going to be worried whether he's spying on you then it's time to say goodbye to him