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Original poster

DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

712 replies

Underpressure13 · 28/08/2020 20:55

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation Shock
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

OP posts:
Alwaysinpain · 02/09/2020 20:45

You're MASSIVELY in denial OP

iMatter · 02/09/2020 20:47

Good grief

Why are you even bothering?

Cut your losses, walk away

What a fucking waste of time

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 02/09/2020 21:10

OP, I’m not sure what you are getting out of this post now. You have asked for, and been given, lots of good advice, which you appear not to want to action. You’re going round in circles here.

Candlesonacake · 02/09/2020 22:09

Personally I would secretly get another mobile, a cheap pay as you go that isn't linked to anything else. Keep it to do your searches on and if you want to make investigative calls etc. If he is spying on you technologically, it would be handy to have a completely unlinked phone that he doesn't know about so you can check up on things without him knowing (and ideally out of earshot of anywhere or anything he could have bugged).

It's too coincidental IMO that he said what he said. Added to the fact that he sounds very tech savvy...

catsvdogs · 02/09/2020 23:24

Following. It's better than coronation street Smile

imissthesouth · 03/09/2020 00:04

lol @catsvdogs
it's also v concerning that she could be in a lot of danger

incognitomum · 03/09/2020 00:18

Confronting him will achieve nothing.

MrsSlipSlop · 03/09/2020 08:08

I agree, don’t confront him, anyone who can spy on you to such an extent is not someone to provoke, you might not live to tell the tale.

MrsSlipSlop · 03/09/2020 08:10

I would imagine he’s tracking any possible device you have from the router downwards, and following keystrokes including your posts here.

Tootsie321 · 03/09/2020 12:13

Please take care OP, and do not be alone with this man, just in case things kick off.

Firstdayoffreedom · 03/09/2020 12:25

An ex BF was very clued up with technology. He was also spying on me. Keystroke tech on the laptop, cameras, phone trackers etc. He bizarrely enjoyed dropping hints as to how clever he was even if it outed his spying (although he would deny if asked outright). it was all part of the game. For example he casually dropped in to a conversation "Did you know that is one of the most commonly used passwords?" It's really not. It was a very random specific word. He just wanted to see my reaction. It was a test to see if I'd squirm and say "oh really? that's interesting"; or challenge him: "have you been spying on me?" (which he would deny and accuse me of paranoia, as after all, hadn't he literally just said it was one of the most commonly used passwords?...) He not only enjoyed spying, he enjoyed dropping hints to make me squirm or feel uncomfortable. In the same breath he'd be all loving and nice.

So sometimes these bizarre coincidences of somehow knowing things can be just coincidence - but I'd be more careful if it's someone who also knows their tech. Don't think that spyers would automatically hate to be found out or that they slip up by mistake. Sometimes they deliberately want to make you feel uncomfortable, usually to do with control issues. Are there any other red flags in terms of control?

Also, I don't know why your DP has had his hands on so much of your personal tech, linking this and that etc, when you don't even live together. It's not necessary, surely. What benefit does it bring you?

MumOfAToddler26 · 03/09/2020 14:23

Following I need to know the outcome now 😂

SwimSwim · 03/09/2020 15:42

Oh for goodness sake!! Realtek is normal for audio. If you use cortana, it will be on as default. If you don't have home Internet, it's unlikely he'd be doing anything through your laptop as he couldn't listen in as there's no communication out to the web. If you use a mobile hotspot, i guess you're not leaving it abd your laptop connected all day having it use your data. Nothing you've mentioned on your laptop sounds dodgy at all. Please people stop driving this frenzy when you don't know computers!!

It's more likely something on your phone, if he's had access to it. I haven't read your other threads but if you don't trust him and think he'd do these things, leave him?!

mintyfreshh · 03/09/2020 15:54

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Buttercupsandroses · 03/09/2020 16:26

Op you need to have it out with him and see if he admits it

diddl · 03/09/2020 16:48

@Buttercupsandroses

Op you need to have it out with him and see if he admits it
Why does she?
BrandyandBabycham · 03/09/2020 16:52

22 pages! Seriously???!!

incognitomum · 03/09/2020 16:56

Firstdayoffreedom did you involve the police?

Original poster
Underpressure13 · 03/09/2020 17:21

@Firstdayoffreedom

Thanks- that was helpful to read / know.
He is not controlling in any other ways that I can think of - he gives me lots of space, very happy for me to see friends , weekends away without him etc . Is really helpful around the house and generally happy to go along with me ( I definitely feel the more dominant in the couple with decision making etc)

The strangeness is all around his strengths - devices . He has multiple emails and a couple of phones and a few sims and uses private browsing for everything - not that those things are strange in themselves , but he knows his stuff .
He does enjoy it when I figure out something he’s done maybe sneakily or thought he’d got away with - something normal- and when I say ‘ oh you’ve done a/b/c haven’t you’ or something along those lines , he will laugh - like a bit of a crazy laugh - and say ‘ oh you clever thing you, you worked it out’ type thing . So yes he could potentially enjoy that game. But like your ex, he’s capable of being very loving and soft at the same time - which makes it all the more confusing .
I’ve barely heard from him today and he hasn’t even asked about this weekend or doing anything , which is strange as we spend every long weekend together in one of our houses . Have just waved kids off for the weekend , so time to figure this all out now and have lots of quiet time at my house to sort out my thoughts . Feeling pretty down about it and lost appetite days ago Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Underpressure13 · 03/09/2020 17:24

@Alwaysinpain yes I think you’re right there and yes to those who said , I definitely am going round in circles .
Thanks to those of you who’ve helped with tech info - it’s good to know what’s legit .

OP posts:
PickwickThePlockingDodo · 03/09/2020 18:45

he gives me lots of space, very happy for me to see friends , weekends away without him etc

Erm that's because he's tracking your every movement, probably got a birds eye view 👀

SixesAndEights · 03/09/2020 20:37

He does enjoy it when I figure out something he’s done maybe sneakily or thought he’d got away with - something normal- and when I say ‘ oh you’ve done a/b/c haven’t you’ or something along those lines , he will laugh - like a bit of a crazy laugh - and say ‘ oh you clever thing you, you worked it out’ type thing

What on earth is there to think about OP?

And yes of course he's happy that you see people, he's tracking you! Somewhere on this thread you said he wasn't happy about a male friend, then the next time you saw that friend your boyfriend was fine. Before tracking and after tracking.

Instead of spending the weekend in your thoughts why not go and get your devices checked as has been suggested numerous times. If you've time to ruminate you've time to do that.

Somehow I just don't think you're that bothered he's tracking you and listening in, maybe it makes you feel important?

You seem more concerned that he's not been in touch!

ConfusedHmm

I'd have got my devices checked and have long been in touch with the police by now. Oh and I'd have dumped him!

rayoflightboy · 03/09/2020 22:05

@Underpressure13
He is not controlling in any other ways that I can think of - he gives me lots of space, very happy for me to see friends , weekends away without him etc . Is really helpful around the house and generally happy to go along with me ( I definitely feel the more dominant in the couple with decision making etc)

Thats because he knows where you are 24/7.

Im sorry you have no ties to this man.No kids.Why the fuck are you still there.

You know hes spying
He does enjoy it when I figure out something he’s done maybe sneakily or thought he’d got away with - something normal- and when I say ‘ oh you’ve done a/b/c haven’t you’ or something along those lines , he will laugh - like a bit of a crazy laugh - and say ‘ oh you clever thing you, you worked it out’ type thing . So yes he could potentially enjoy that game. But like your ex, he’s capable of being very loving and soft at the same time - which makes it all the more confusing .

Its not confusing,you got away from one abusive arse only to land yourself with another one,

Im feeling its a game to you,as long as he doesnt hit you,you seem to find it acceptable.

And as i said a few pages back,what if its not only you hes spying on.
What about your kids. If nothing else they should be your first priority.

Imagine he does something down the line regarding your kids and SS get involved.And they find out about him spying ages ago and you did nothing.You are their guardian,you let this man in.

PersonaNonGarter · 03/09/2020 22:25

He’s not in touch cos he is reading this thread.

MadeForThis · 03/09/2020 22:55

Weird but he could be dangerous.