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Original poster

DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

712 replies

Underpressure13 · 28/08/2020 20:55

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation Shock
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

OP posts:
canyoucallbacklater · 29/08/2020 13:20

That's odd...

Like. Really, quite worryingly odd. I agree it sounds like he's bugging you as strange as that sounds...

Turn the lights off in the kitchen and go round the room with your phone camera on, if there's a recording device it should flash a red mark where it reflects against the lense.

I have no idea how you'd check for a listening one, though...

Isitsixoclockalready · 29/08/2020 13:25

If he was bugging, he's kind of dropped a massive clue.

category12 · 29/08/2020 13:31

He doesn't need a secret bugging device if he's got admin on her computer, wifi and he set up her blue-tooth speaker - it's sitting right there in the open.

OP, check if your iPhone has been jail-broken. If it has, revert it to factory settings.

AhNowTed · 29/08/2020 13:31

@Isitsixoclockalready

If he was bugging, he's kind of dropped a massive clue.

No real "if" here.

He's also linked her browsers to his email account and synced them, and made himself the administrator of her laptop.

And undoubtedly spying or listening.

Fucking freak.

Police OP.

midwifeync · 29/08/2020 13:37

How bloody bizarre.

Original poster
Underpressure13 · 29/08/2020 13:41

He did know there were sausage rolls in the fridge as we went shopping together on Sunday - but last night was 5 days since . He did seem very quiet and distracted and left early - he even left his bag of refrigerated food here that he’d brought - he was definitely distracted when leaving . But then he was exhausted as works nearly 12 hours on computers (wfh) .
I am bothered , trust me, I really am- but I suppose there are just so many ‘could it be’s’ and ‘what it’s’ and questions around all of the little things he does, it’s quite easy ( when not tech savvy ) to brush everything off as probably normal / an over active imagination on my part etc etc . There have just been so many things since the start of the year that I’ve suspected linking to tech- but I just know nothing compared to him and he always has an answer . He’s not from this country (UK)so sometimes there’s that ‘lost in translation-ness’ which makes me give him the benefit of the doubt I suppose. He hasn’t had any past relationships - only ‘experiences’As he put it once .
I really thought we’d got to a much better place and am now questioning myself big time. The browsers he installed ( chrome, Firefox, Microsoft edge and one drive) over the past 4 months all link to his email but say ‘ not syncing/ press to sync etc’
Could there be any way this was an unfortunate misunderstanding ?? Is it really a red flag that his emails are linked and he’s on admin? I’m not usually this thick , sorry - I know I can’t see the wood for the trees right now but am a bit in shock so please be kind Sad

OP posts:
MrsCl19 · 29/08/2020 13:45

Op I'd back up your photos or documents to iCloud and note down number you don't want to loose and then factory reset all your devices.

Wouldn't even mention it and then if he asks say the battery was slow and google said that was the best thing to do

UnfinishedSymphon · 29/08/2020 13:46

Oh it's fine OP, ignore all the silly advice you've been given and stay in this fantastic relationship.

Or, you could listen to sense and you'd know it's not a misunderstanding.

Chickychickydodah · 29/08/2020 13:49

Put a massive lie in a text to a friend ( who you can trust to play along) like lottery win Of a million and see if anything happens . Send the text first and wait and see if he says anything then a few days later call her from home and say the same thing. You should be able to find out if he has bugged the house or your phone

justasking111 · 29/08/2020 13:51

@Chickychickydodah

Put a massive lie in a text to a friend ( who you can trust to play along) like lottery win Of a million and see if anything happens . Send the text first and wait and see if he says anything then a few days later call her from home and say the same thing. You should be able to find out if he has bugged the house or your phone
Well that would be a good idea if he had not just read this.
justasking111 · 29/08/2020 13:53

@Underpressure13

He did know there were sausage rolls in the fridge as we went shopping together on Sunday - but last night was 5 days since . He did seem very quiet and distracted and left early - he even left his bag of refrigerated food here that he’d brought - he was definitely distracted when leaving . But then he was exhausted as works nearly 12 hours on computers (wfh) . I am bothered , trust me, I really am- but I suppose there are just so many ‘could it be’s’ and ‘what it’s’ and questions around all of the little things he does, it’s quite easy ( when not tech savvy ) to brush everything off as probably normal / an over active imagination on my part etc etc . There have just been so many things since the start of the year that I’ve suspected linking to tech- but I just know nothing compared to him and he always has an answer . He’s not from this country (UK)so sometimes there’s that ‘lost in translation-ness’ which makes me give him the benefit of the doubt I suppose. He hasn’t had any past relationships - only ‘experiences’As he put it once . I really thought we’d got to a much better place and am now questioning myself big time. The browsers he installed ( chrome, Firefox, Microsoft edge and one drive) over the past 4 months all link to his email but say ‘ not syncing/ press to sync etc’ Could there be any way this was an unfortunate misunderstanding ?? Is it really a red flag that his emails are linked and he’s on admin? I’m not usually this thick , sorry - I know I can’t see the wood for the trees right now but am a bit in shock so please be kind Sad
I am on the fence giving you advice but I would take all my techy stuff to a computer shop be frank tell them you think you are being stalked and could they check for you.
Mittens030869 · 29/08/2020 13:54

It really does look as if he's spying on you. He made a big mistake in mentioning the sausage rolls, and given himself away. And I agree with PPs that he probably also knows about this thread, so be careful.

category12 · 29/08/2020 13:57

If he's got access to her tech, the chances are he'll be reading this thread and any traps set he'd know to avoid.

OP, check if your iPhone is jail-broken. Look for Cydia on it. Google how to check. If it isn't, then you at least have one safe device. If it is, then you know he's a bad person and you will need to revert it to factory settings. It's a fairly easy one to check, so start with that.

Seriouslyconfused3 · 29/08/2020 14:01

Wow op this sounds a bit creepy. I have to admit I’d have written it off as coincidental or a bit ‘woo’ though

GisAFag · 29/08/2020 14:10

There was another one on here a few weeks ago they were being spied on in the bedroom, the child said flashing lights by a picture disturbed their sleep - was sleeping in parents room -.

MitziK · 29/08/2020 14:12

@category12

If he's got access to her tech, the chances are he'll be reading this thread and any traps set he'd know to avoid.

OP, check if your iPhone is jail-broken. Look for Cydia on it. Google how to check. If it isn't, then you at least have one safe device. If it is, then you know he's a bad person and you will need to revert it to factory settings. It's a fairly easy one to check, so start with that.

Well, if he suddenly disappears or manufactures an end to the relationship, it's a pretty big clue that he's now aware she's been told to go to the police because he's committing a criminal offence.

Off you fuck, lad. We know what you're up to. I'd suggest back to Germany - although, as I understand it, they're pretty hot on maintaining privacy, so I wouldn't suggest you try to continue your creepy pervy spying operations once over there.

FatCatThinCat · 29/08/2020 14:13

I think I'd do a factory reset of everything and get rid of him. It kind of doesn't really matter if he's spying or not, the fact is your relationship is toxic if you even think it's a possibility. Life is too short to be in a relationship with this level of distrust.

Cissyandflora · 29/08/2020 14:22

Another vote for factory reset here. I don’t like the sound of this man at all. If you’re reading this- we think you’re a weirdo.

toolatemate · 29/08/2020 14:22

I'd be so paranoid especially as he is a computer geek, he would know what and how to spy on you without you realising (shudder).

Download all documents onto a usb stick or onto a new cloud if that's possible. Wipe the laptop completely, check the house for bugs/listening devices (unlikely) , wipe your phone completely. Wipe him out of your life if you can't trust him it's almost as if he's getting thrills out of making you paranoid!

IntermittentParps · 29/08/2020 14:26

This all sounds very dubious. I'd get some tech help to take off all and any stuff on your devices that could be being used to listen in/track you etc. I suspect the way he behaves once you've done that will be a clue as to whether he IS listening in in any way.

Nikori · 29/08/2020 14:28

That's so creepy.

It's impossible to rebuild trust once it's broken. I would also get rid of the speaker and do a factory reset of everything, but really I think you should reconsider this relationship. It shouldn't be this much hard work.

Alicenwonderland · 29/08/2020 14:32

My ex made himself the admin on my computer, he was in I.T and had cameras set around the house. (I knew about them). The admin thing is a nightmare, I got a new iPhone and couldn't set it up, I discovered he'd taken control from the Apple advisor. To this day I still worry about I.T (we split 3 years ago!). At the time Women's aid advised I get a police officer to come and check everything in the house. That's certainly what I'd suggest to you.

Noextremes2017 · 29/08/2020 14:39

OP - you said he could not possibly have smelled that you had cooking sausage rolls. Well perhaps you have lost your sense of smell..... OMG - another plot twist.

Reading all the paranoia on here it is not difficult to see how half the country is still gripped by Coronavirus paranoia.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/08/2020 14:40

Occam's Razor; "the simplest explanation is most likely the right one".

If someone repeats something you've said, the simplest explanation is that they heard you say it.

Occam's also speaks of "entities should not be multiplied without necessity" meaning you shouldn't add layers of 'what ifs'. In this case the 'what if' is that either your mum or DC told him (which you've actually ruled out).

I'd accidentally break the blue tooth speaker and I'd take ALL my devices (and the DCs) to a computer repair/specialist and have them completely remove anything tied to his email. In fact I'd have them run a thorough diagnostic and then reset to factory unless they're 1000% sure they 'got it all'.

The police can do something that checks for hidden cameras. I'd get the devices taken care of first. If there's anything dodgy you can show the police to justify them coming out.

And dump him.

Eckhart · 29/08/2020 14:43

am now questioning myself big time

This is a certain sign of a toxic relationship, regardless of whether or not he's spying on you.