DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

[Underpressure13]

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

A hidden network is one that doesn't broadcast its SSID, or put simply ‘BT-hub-xyz’ etc.

This means a pc or phone can’t find it, the network needs to find your device to then connect to it. It can add security as no one can randomly connect to it. If your pc is not connecting to it its not a problem and as you use your phone for data I dont see how he could install a router without you knowing!

As for the other stuff, he could have put a key logger on your laptop to access email but if you are using outlook and have registered you should have a code sent to your phone when you log in on a different device, ie if he tried to get a access you’d be alerted. If haven’t done so, set up a Microsoft account.

Be very careful, and tell someone IRL what's happening. Is there somewhere else you could stay? Get another phone and computer if possible, definitely factory reset then in the mean time. He could definitely be reading this thread as he will have all your passwords and he already has access to your email

Hello Underpressure's DP! Enjoy your sausage rolls?

Very good point above- make sure you tell someone in real life about this. None of us know you so we can’t help you if there is something sinister is going on. It’s best to be cautious.

He could of just smelled them. Or he could have a camera there’s been a few threads of hidden cameras recently on here.

He hasn’t had any past relationships - only ‘experiences’As he put it once

Don't believe anything he tells you, they lie with ease.

he always has an answer

My abusive ex was like that. Please be very careful.

Why wouldn't you just press him further on this as to how he knew?

Because they just bullshit and twist things.

Surely the whole point of bugging someone is...that they don't know they're being bugged?

Coming out and basically saying 'I've been listening in to you talking about sausage rolls needing reaheating' is a bit of a giveaway.

If he's spying on you then he's spectacularly crap at it.

Reading all the paranoia on here it is not difficult to see how half the country is still gripped by Coronavirus paranoia.

The problem is, until you have experienced a psycho it's very easy to dismiss. I have a family member in prison. The crime he committed was only possible because of his great knowledge of computers. He used this knowledge to very safely cover up what he was doing. When the police told us his methods we were totally stunned that anything like that existed.

OP- trust your gut. Do not doubt yourself.

@Backtobasics5

He could of just smelled them. Or he could have a camera there’s been a few threads of hidden cameras recently on here.

@Backtobasics5 have you read the thread? it's way deeper than than unfortunately

@Zaphodsotherhead

Surely the whole point of bugging someone is...that they don't know they're being bugged?

Coming out and basically saying 'I've been listening in to you talking about sausage rolls needing reaheating' is a bit of a giveaway.

If he's spying on you then he's spectacularly crap at it.

It's not that simple.

They like the test the boundaries, see how far they can push things. It's part of the control. He knows he maybe took things too far, so I'd expect him to e extra nice and caring for a while, but it won't last.

Surely if he'd have just smelled them he'd have walked in and said "Oohh are you making sausage rolls?"

Op why on EARTH would you let him faff about with your pc and allow him to install all this stuff/make himself admin?

Just dump him. Whether he's spying on you or not your relationship is toxic and you have no trust in him whatsoever, if you continue living like this you'll make yourself ill.

If you don't already, set up/sign into your own one drive, save anything important to it. It might not be possible to completely factory reset the laptop if he's admin and you don't know the password, so you might need some specialist tech help with that.

If your phone is Android then back up your photos/videos to the google photos cloud, back up your contacts to your google account, back up your WhatsApp to your google drive and factory reset the phone. You might lose some bits and bobs but it's pretty much the only way of being sure you've deleted any spyware. If you've got an Apple phone then I'd download the google photos app and back up all your photos/videos. Harder to separate things like contacts because they all just back up to your iCloud, although should come back through with your Apple ID. Back up WhatsApp to your iCloud. Do not restore the phone from backup, start it as a brand new phone or you will just reinstall any hidden software.

Get rid of the Bluetooth speaker, if you haven't done already.

If you choose to stay with him (no idea why you would) do not allow him access to ANY of your tech again.

exactly what @Nikori said
Abusive and controlling people will test the boundaries of what they can do and get away with

"Experiences" sounds like prostitutes.

If he's spying on you then he's spectacularly crap at it

We're not talking James Bond here, we're talking about a human being who is capable of forgetting where and when he heard something. I think it would be incredibly hard not to trip yourself up occasionally if you were listening in to someone you also see and speak to a lot, difficult to keep track of what you're supposed to know and what you wouldn't be expected to know.

Oh and the photo of the back of your phone is so he has the serial number and IMEI number.

It's part of the process to get access to things like an Apple account, as is being set up as the administrator on a laptop, so that you can get access to emails - like if you forget your Google password, you can verify your ID by using your laptop PIN and that gives you access to all your individual passwords and login details for every site you ever use on any device. And you can access your geographical history that way, so he would know exactly where you/your phone is 24 hours a day and what sites you are accessing.

I wouldn't let him back in the house because he will obviously undo /uninstall everything and hide all the evidence. Call the polic they have a specific dept for these sort of crimes.

Download the app Who is on my Wifi and check there's no peeping going on.

It's likely the more prosaic explanation that he smelled the sausage rolls recent presence.

Sorry about the joke earlier, OP.

It does sound suspicious. As a PP said, if the relationship is such that you genuinely worry it's even a possibility that he's actively spying on you, that's a sign that things aren't great.

I hope you find out enough to decide one way or another what to do, but whatever you decide, prioritise yourself and your children! There are plenty of other men out there-- men you won't have to worry might be listening in on your conversations or hacking your phone or computer.

Is it really a red flag that his emails are linked and he’s on admin?

By this I’m assuming you mean he’s set your accounts up on your hardware such that he is the admin and he hasn’t given you the password or shown you how to change it, he can access the accounts and he can reset etc.

If it’s just that he;s set up the machine with passwords you can’t remember and you keep logging into Chrome as him instead of using your own account then the rest doesn’t really apply and you should spend some time getting more familiar with how the technology you use actually works.

But it he hasn’t and won’t give you the admin password, etc. and he’s really supposed to be professionally techie and not just a wannabe who mucks around with his own computer and plays games a lot, then, yes, this is a red flag. By itself it’s not a red flag that he’s spying on you but it is a red flag that he’s supposed to be helping you but has set things up in a way that is very much not in your best interests as the owner of the hardware and that he must know (if he is professionally techie) will leave you in a really difficult position should you break up. It’s a nasty thing to do even without your suspicions that he’s using it to spy on you.

If you don't know how to sort out the spyware & admin, etc, you can tuen off your wifi, turn off your phone, computer, & take it all to a computer shop.
I have no doubt he is spying on you,

All very strange op. My stalker ex was monitoring my WhatsApp and did all sorts of creepy stuff. It's more common than you think 💭

Switch off the bluetooth speaker (on mine you have to hold down the on/off/power button till it say 'powering down'). Then see if he goes to check it next time he is round. Unless he is trying to use it, there would be no need to check.

OP, my vote would also be for spyware in your house or phone. Depending on finances, could you pay for a company to come and sweep your home/devices? Unless he’s already wiped stuff this weekend.

He gave you a Bluetooth speaker which is always on, he took a photo of the back of your phone which contains all the identifying details of the phone, he’s set himself up as the admin on your laptop and you don’t have the passwords.......

I think you need to turn things off, and quickly. And not let him in.

@MitziK

Oh and the photo of the back of your phone is so he has the serial number and IMEI number.

It's part of the process to get access to things like an Apple account, as is being set up as the administrator on a laptop, so that you can get access to emails - like if you forget your Google password, you can verify your ID by using your laptop PIN and that gives you access to all your individual passwords and login details for every site you ever use on any device. And you can access your geographical history that way, so he would know exactly where you/your phone is 24 hours a day and what sites you are accessing.

OP this bears repeating, from what you have said he has complete access to all your devices and could well be listening in to you irl

Depending on how much poking around he's doing he may know about this thread.

What he has done is illegal under the computer misuse act (assuming yourebin the U.K., similar laws apply in most other countries) as it was not with your permission.

Someone who has gone to those lengths to keep track of you is deeply concerning. Please ensure he can't get access to your home (he may have copied your key, you may want to get locks changed), turn off the devices until they can be cleaned and admin restored to you.

You might find this article interesting www.refinery29.com/en-gb/rise-of-stalkerware-tech

Please access your mumsnet account from a device he hasn't had access to (does your mum have a computer in her home ?) reset your password and let us know you've done this.