DH had sex with a prostitute

[TurkeyTrot]

He seems to think that because he told me, apologized and didn't enjoy it much, it is somehow ok.
I think he's a massive twat and we need to split, but the logistics are complicated, as in we would need to give up the family home and decide where the DC (3 teenagers) would live and who with.
They don't know about it and DH doesn't want to separate.
WWYD if your DH told you that?
Would you split? Would you tell the teens why, so they didn't think you split for no reason?

Tell your children there has been infidelity but don't go into details and don't allow them in to your emotional life regarding this. Please take it to therapy and stay in therapy for as long and longer if you need to. My family history is about parent's leaning on kids for emotional support and covering up other stuff unnecessarily and I wouldn't wish the long term affects of that on anyone.
And yes. I would leave him. He treated another person as an object. You sound lovely but please preserve your own dignity and respect but stating very clearly that that is not ok.

@Perfectstorm12 Great advice, I really relate to what you said as my family history is similar and I still struggle with the lasting effects of that. Hope you are ok.

I doubt it is just the once.

Hi @JudyJ, your post resonated with me too. Things swept under the carpet and then overshared...I hear you. I really hope therapy helps you process all this shit. It really messes with your head. All the best moving forward.

@Mamabem

I couldn't live with this OP. Not just because of the infidelity but because- although I get that there are some women who choose it , bodily autonomy etc etc - many prostitutes are trafficked/being coerced/in economic dire straights and I think I couldn't be with someone who could exploit another human being in that way...

Yes, this is absolutely the reason I have to leave. TBH, if it was a brief fling with a friend, it might be different, but this is terrible, unexpected and not ok.

@WendyHoused

How are you doing, Turkey? I've been thinbking of you - the whole situation is horribly unfair. He's disgusting for trying to pull the "look what you made me do" gaslighting over his actions.

Also, get tested for STDs

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts 😁

@JudyJ
I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Thank you for contributing, it really puts an adult perspective on what the teens might go forward with. Definitely food for thought and good reason not to share the details with them, as many pp have advised.

Does anyone know how long it would take for an STD to reveal itself?

Some don't. You need tested.

@TurkeyTrot

Does anyone know how long it would take for an STD to reveal itself?

It’s only a two day wait for STD results after a check. It can be years or never for the symptoms to show up xx

@TurkeyTrot Hi OP, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. The victim blaming is quite astounding! I don't want to break any rules (and someone please tell me if I am) or come across in the wrong way at all, but I work alongside some great family solicitors. One in particular I would instruct myself in a heartbeat if I needed to. I could point you in her direction if that was something you wanted. Unfortunately apart from some pretty nasty language, I don't have anything else to add that hasn't already been said, but I hope it works out for you and your DC. X

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it feels like an upheaval but do seek advice from a solicitor and consider your options regarding housing.

I found i got a higher percentage of the equity while the children were school age. My youngest was probably similar age to yours. Five years on I'm settled in my home with the children. Ones at uni and the youngest is finishing A levels.

Financially I have no ties to my ex. I cannot imagine how stressful it would have been to remain in the family home and now be in a position where I'd have to sell.

Hope you're managing OP