I've been sent this...

[ShrekandDonkey]

What would you think if you received this from an anonymous facebook profile? Obviously its between DH and this profile.
He says he was just trying to figure out who was messaging him so was being nice to them so they would confess. I think he's bullshitting.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Why did she message him? It looks like he was in touch with her first. Then she asked what about your wife. Donmt know why she didnt send the whole thing if she wanted to stir though. Very odd.

[VivaMiltonKeynes]

This is the conversation between two people who have had an affair in the past and are still talking to each other .

[Bluntness100]

Well folks always say to tell the wife on here, so she’s told you. You know the truth up to you what you want to do about it,

I suspect nothing, right?

[Opentooffers]

I think he turned her down when it came to it, so now she's out to cause trouble between you. If your relationship is otherwise good, I wouldn't give it too much headspace tbh. It should of come from your DH first, and he's been clumsy perhaps about it, but as you are blocked, it won't be going any further.

[GreenDays557]

I think though , that it's clear this is the worst of the conversation, you would have got whatever screenshot hurt the most. And the yes answers hurt, but it's not indicative of cheating, I'm not saying either way though.

[CleverCatty]

personally - anything like that I received I'd know there was a backstory to it.

Last year I was speaking to someone I briefly dated for a while - one of those who pops in and out of your life and was a 'friend' - it then turned out he actually had a girlfriend he'd neglected to tell me about but he was emailing all kinds of flirty stuff via linked in.

I was so angry with him messing me around (even though we weren't dating anymore) that I found out who she was on his FB friends etc and emailed her at her work address, he was all like 'you can't prove it was me, and I am only being friendly'.

I just thought especially as they lived together and maybe we'd crossed over when dating (his girlfriend and me) that she might want to know what a sleaze he was, I would anyway.

In your case - definitely dodgy and he's hiding something.

[ShrekandDonkey]

If you had asked me a few days ago if DH would ever cheat on me i would have said 100% no way it just isn't in his nature. But when the proof is right there in front of you what can I say? Obviously I'd like a lot more proof and will try and get some but DH is very technical and will have thought of every way possible to cover up any wrongdoings.

He says he knows it looks bad but he wishes I could see the rest of the thread which apparently mostly shows him asking who is messaging him.

But yes he definitely should have ignored it and he admits he has been very stupid.

[CleverCatty]

@TenDays

I'd be wondering who's sent it to the OP and why.

It has caused trouble, which must have been the intention, but to what end? Is the sender the person who was chatting with the OP's DH?
If this person wants to resume contact with him why let his DW know?

Or is it a warning to her, perhaps from partner of the DH's ex?

It's all a bit Dangerous Liaisons, isn't it!

Sounds like it's the ex doesn't it?

If it's totally innocent I'd want some form of communication with the 'ex' that it was innocent etc. but that's me being a suspicious bitch.

[CleverCatty]

@ShrekandDonkey

If you had asked me a few days ago if DH would ever cheat on me i would have said 100% no way it just isn't in his nature. But when the proof is right there in front of you what can I say? Obviously I'd like a lot more proof and will try and get some but DH is very technical and will have thought of every way possible to cover up any wrongdoings.

He says he knows it looks bad but he wishes I could see the rest of the thread which apparently mostly shows him asking who is messaging him.

But yes he definitely should have ignored it and he admits he has been very stupid.

I know this sounds terrible - and many women here would say it's not true but I recall speaking to my DB who was married before he met his second wife. His first DW cheated on him multiple times that he knew about and a few he didn't know about. He told me from his experience with friends, people he knew about etc that it was always the ones you didn't think would cheat, that cheated. Sorry about that

[SoulofanAggron]

What he's saying is a clear lie. It's obvious that they know who each other is. I'm not sure which side is him, but both sides say something indicating that they are talking about a specific previous relationship. 'It's just nice to...' 'It was my fault.'

[ErickBroch]

Obviously is only 'anonymous' now - what do you mean anonymous anyway? If they deleted the profile / blocked him then it won't show as anything. Wasn't anon when they were messaging.

[Mvshrln]

bleurghh sorry that this is happening. It's so jarring when something like this happens. I always hoped this type of thing only happened in teenage relationships etc but it obvs happens as adults too.
You'll have to decide how you want to proceed. It's helpful to get other people's opinions but ultimately you will have to decide how you want to move forward from this, and those you have confided in may or may not agree with what you do, but ultimately do what is best for you/your family.

It sounds like a proper shady situation though and it's so disappointing when your partner behaves this way when you wouldn't expect it from them!

[Alfiemoon1]

He’s lying he knows full well who it is sorry

[Eminybob]

If he had said he was up for meeting her, then she would have sent you that part of the message. As she only sent you the bit up to where she asks about his wife, then that clearly means he didn’t bite.
It’s not great OP, he’s obviously enjoyed having his ego stroked, but I think he turned her down when it came from the crunch.

[smallestleaf]

This is the conversation between two people who have had an affair in the past and are still talking to each other

Absolutely this.

If you get a message from someone and you don't know who they are, your first reply is ' sorry, who is this?'

He lied to you because he has something to hide. That is the only reason to lie in this situation.

[CleverCatty]

Depends what you want to do? Although lots of MN say LTB - if he hasn't done anything is it worth LTB then?

[Namechange2020onceagain]

He says he knows it looks bad but he wishes I could see the rest of the thread

Download all FB data. It shows every conversation, even the deleted ones.

Here's how to do it.

www.facebook.com/help/212802592074644

[margarita7]

This screams set up all over it.

DH says it was an anon profile, you said it was an anon profile, why would a genuine human message anonymously? It makes sense to me that he was trying to figure it out, but there's more to this.

Not sure what else you could possibly do, do you know the name of the profile? one of us could do some digging?

[frazzledasarock]

I think it looks more like this persons partner found it and sent screenshots to you.

Your H doesn’t look innocent in these at all especially the first message.

What are you going to do?

I think for me the betrayal that DP would flirt and reminisce with someone like that would be enough. That’s conversation is clearly on its way to becoming at least very close emotionally.

Your H deleted the messages, if they were innocent why do that?

[MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously]

Is there a way to retrieve deleted messages?
I'd try to find a way of contacting ow and tell her to either send the whole conversation or fuck off and stop shit stirring.
Then I'd deal with my husband!

[Cheeeeislifenow]

He is a liar, you don't need anymore proof.

[margarita7]

I agree he didn't agree to meet up, she would have sent it otherwise to prove and to hurt you

[smallestleaf]

As she only sent you the bit up to where she asks about his wife, then that clearly means he didn’t bite

He's already bitten. Best scenario is he doesn't want to go back for more.

They had a full affair. It ended. She got back in touch. When he said ' its my fault' she is hoping he will restart it, that is why she is asking about his wife - which presumably was the reason he gave for ending it first time around. Ie. is you wife still an impediment to us being together again?

[OneForMeToo]

Ask him to go into the settings and download all the messages as a file. It will bring every message every sent or received. If he won’t his a lier.

[updownroundandround]

Your DH is a liar.

He is definitely trying to rekindle a past flame...............and on your anniversary ??

Nobody deletes FB messages either, not unless they're trying to hide something.

It's up to you whether you still want to be with him.