I've been sent this...

[ShrekandDonkey]

What would you think if you received this from an anonymous facebook profile? Obviously its between DH and this profile.
He says he was just trying to figure out who was messaging him so was being nice to them so they would confess. I think he's bullshitting.

[Chezacheza]

I think he has called your bluff. He probably knew the down load wouldn’t work that’s why he was so happy to sit with you.

I wouldn’t be able to get past that he deleted the messages. Why?

[msflibble]

@GreenDays557 yeah that's my take.

Some posters are going conspiracy theory tinfoil hat LTB mad here. This is obvs the worst of the message thread and it's NOT EVEN BAD. He is trying to be nice but not gushing at all, he is clearly giving her the brush off. OP don't fall into the trap she's set and let her stir up trouble in your relationship. He didn't betray you.

I'd be the first to say LTB if the messages looked incriminating but they really don't, you should forgive him his foolishness and move on.

[msflibble]

And personally I think he's in a bad mood because he gave this ex the brush off, It's clear she didn't actually have any real dirt on him except him saying he thinks of her in a nice way, and now he's being treated as if he's having an affair. I'd be pissed off too in his position. She catfished him to cause trouble, he tried to be nice but turned her down, she sent you this frankly pathetic screenshot to stir up shit, and you've taken the bait.
There are many times when the term DARVO applies but fgs mumsnet this is not one of them.

[upupandaway87]

Hi op just seen the annoyed at you part . When men are caught out they play the victim and turn it all around on you . When I caught my partner out on something two years ago you could swear that I was the one in the wrong . Was horrible . And wouldn't speak to me 😂 ! Bastards x

[pipandpoppy]

The "it's my fault" sums it up.
I had the OW send me some texts from my husband (now ex) when she wanted to really fuck him over.
He's lying 100% !

[CleverCatty]

I'd still dig OP.

Like I said in my post - depends if he's been flirting with her/meeting up with her etc - the flirting with me with the guy I knew was designed so I never knew and he never told me - he had a girlfriend. When it came up with our convos he was saying to me 'oh they're all fine, nothing flirty' but I could tell and I knew and if I received them they would certainly be conceived as flirty etc

[Msonamission]

OP, have you noticed any change in his behaviour recently? Either positive or negative? Being happy, having shared good times together or him being withdrawn or edgy?
I'm asking because I agree with some other posters here that this interaction sounds like it's a man who has decided to end an affair - emotional or physical, impossible to say - and is now having to manage the situation with the OW so that OW doesn't throw a spanner in the works.
When he says 'it's just nice to know that people think about you and remember you in a nice way', it sounds to me like he's responding to a communication, rather than instigating it.
Supposing he had ended it recently, but was worried about whether she was secretly planning on telling you. He might just been checking, saying something to her like 'are we ok?'. She might then ask why he was contacting her and then that would lead him to say 'it's just nice...'.
Also, the bit where she says 'what about your wife' sounds to me like she's saying that she thinks it's not all his fault as she thinks you're to blame as well. This bit would worry me, since he might have given her some narrative about your behaviour leading him into her arms. The classic one would be about the wife being emotionally or physically cold and unappreciative or nagging - that type of thing.

[Msonamission]

Incidentally, I would believe him when he tells you that he had messaged this other person saying that he loves his wife and nothing will ever change that.

I find it incomprehensible that a man could feel this way about his wife yet still have an affair. Yet apparently it is a thing - and more common than you think.

[deedpollnamechanger]

Oh the old "I'm having a bad time and need a bit of a pick up. I know, I'll call my ex. That will make me feel better for a few days. Doesn't matter the consequences for others".

Selfish bitch. I'd tell your DH very straight that if you get one more whiff of her stench, you will walk. Why should you be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your marriage. I tell you, I would be livid. I've put up with a lot from my DH, but OW is not one of them. I'd pack his bag instantly and tell him she's welcome to him and I'd mean it.

[ShrekandDonkey]

So I've woken up this morning to this...

[BaconsLaw]

Fuck that.

[booboo24]

hmm so he was checking who it was, but agreed to meet? Sorry but I'm off the fence now with what I believe. Why the trickle of info from her, she's really trying to stir it up isn't she. What has he said to this one?

[Oceanp94]

What a twat -and her . I'd message her back and say why don't you just send me the whole thing if you're really trying to stir Shit up

[Oceanp94]

He needs to be careful , and he'd meet her see what his options are . I'd be done 👋

[booboo24]

I would too, I would make her think you don't believe it too, that's more likely to wind her up enough to just send you the whole thread. There are some horrendous people around aren't there, I get her wanting to tell you but why torture you with it in the process. I'm so sorry op

[GreenDays557]

I don't understand the back story. Why would he think the person wasn't who he thought it was? Did he think it was you, trying to trick him? It's all very cloak and daggers. The drawn out screenshots to you, the anonymous Facebook page that then blocks you? It's fucked up, all of it.

[Oceanp94]

Do you know his log in ? Or would he give it to you? I'd get on his Facebook and message her coz it might just bring up the chat

[Oceanp94]

But then if she hadn't been rejected by him at some point in this convo why would she be sending you screen shots - it's all very confusing , he's definitely been out of order though

[Byronsmummy]

I'd sit tight and see if more comes through.

[ProfessionalWeirdo]

OP, are there any clues (such as date and/or time) to indicate when this latest convo took place? Can you tell if it's happened since you first spoke to your DH about the original message?

[Msonamission]

Is it possible that a third party is sending you these screenshots? I know you said that she was single, but could there be another man involved who might be sending you these?
It's just seems unlikely to me that OW would drip-feed you info in this way.
Unless she's a sociopath or something.
It even sounds from your husband's responses in the screenshot that even he's not 100% sure he's communicating with her.

[ShrekandDonkey]

I think I received this because in the message with the original screenshot it said I should be worried as DH would be open to meeting other women. He flatly denied this and angrily messaged them saying wheres your proof i agreed to meet you, and then I got sent this. Looks like they have blocked me again now.

He says this was all part of him just trying to find out who it was and he never meant anything he said. Of course.

The first thing DH said was at first he genuinely believed it was me (on a wind up) but when she could answer stuff I didn't know he knew it couldn't be.

I was so devastated when I received the first screenshot. I was on my way to work and broke down to a friend when I got there. Shaking with anxiety and my heart physically hurt. But now I'm just angry tbh.

[AryaStarkWolf]

@ShrekandDonkey

So I've woken up this morning to this...

Oh dear..........so her plan is to toy with you and him and send it snippet by snippet then.

[GreenDays557]

I'm not surprised you're shaken. Whoever is sending you this is a malicious and nasty person. This person is throwing bombs into your life and then shutting off any access to explanations about it.

I'm sorry this is happening.

[ProfessionalWeirdo]

The first thing DH said was at first he genuinely believed it was me (on a wind up) but when she could answer stuff I didn't know he knew it couldn't be.

What sort of "stuff", OP? Why should she know things about your OH that you don't know? Unless it's something work-related, I think I'd find that slightly worrying.