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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been sent this...

346 replies

ShrekandDonkey · 19/08/2020 14:43

What would you think if you received this from an anonymous facebook profile? Obviously its between DH and this profile.
He says he was just trying to figure out who was messaging him so was being nice to them so they would confess. I think he's bullshitting.

I've been sent this...
OP posts:
Buggedandconfused · 22/08/2020 00:14

A nice peaceful night without this fucktard. Enjoy!

Cheetahfajita · 22/08/2020 00:18

What a prick. I hope you're ok.

Vodkacranberryplease · 22/08/2020 00:23

Use this time to get copies of all financial documents and pack him a bag. Then send him a message telling him he's not coming back.

He will freak. Rightly so. He's up to sonethinb and would have got away with it if he hadn't been so stupid. He's acting like a very guilty man.

Original poster
ShrekandDonkey · 22/08/2020 00:27

Oh he's going to get the message alright.

He came back, tried to cuddle me. I told him I wasn't interested so he's gone again. Sped off in the car like a boy racer, it was actually embarrassing.

Sick of these games and trying to mess with my head.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 22/08/2020 00:41

I’ve just seen your latest updates. Wow. This is not a remorseful man.

He is now shifting the blame to you. He is confident that you will buckle and beg him to return with effusive apologies.

It sounds like you have the measure of him, OP. Stay strong and tell him to stay gone. You don’t need to deal with his toxic presence while you process all of this.

VettiyaIruken · 22/08/2020 06:37

Wow. Every cliché going.
Deny. Minimise. Pick a fight. Redirect focus. Turn himself into the wronged party.

bronzedgodesswannabe · 22/08/2020 10:00

Sped off in the car like a boy racer, it was actually embarrassing.

Just keep replaying this in your mind and hopefully you'll get the ICK so bad you will have the final push to leave this piece of shit

smallestleaf · 22/08/2020 10:14

Slagging of an ex sexually is a total dealbreaker for me. Men who can't respect that intimacy with women are arseholes. Even with my ex-H whom I hate I wouldnt' do that. It crosses a line.

And it's only a matter of time until you become the ex that they slag off to someone else about your bedroom 'performance.'

AnnoyedStepGrownUp · 22/08/2020 10:34

"And yeah of course he's saying she's mental, ugly etc. I told him he was happy enough to shag her several times to which he replied "yeah mostly in the dark!"

Don't let her have the balance of power. I'd message her the above, I f*cking would. She's on a malicious ego boost and I'd bring her down a peg or 2. I'd message that I'm surprised he's been in contact with her because according to him you are unhinged and he had to do you in the dark so not to look at you.

What's the worst she can do. Send you all screenshots?

SoulofanAggron · 22/08/2020 10:34

And now he's gone off on one saying he's been nothing but loyal to me over the years and has therefore earned my trust.

That is gaslighting you OP, you know what he's done and now he's trying to paint reality as other than it is.

He stormed off to manipulate you and try and get you to beg him to come back or something.

Stay strong, keep remembering what he's like, please don't get back with this dodgy specimen. xxx

AnnoyedStepGrownUp · 22/08/2020 10:48

He's panicking because he's been rumbled and he's doing the only thing he thinks will work.

Lemonade4356 · 22/08/2020 10:51

@AnnoyedStepGrownUp
It’s not about her is it? It’s about him. I can’t stand when men have been caught out & they go after the OW. She’s not the one in a relationship with the OP. He is. A loyal partner wouldn’t have responded like that, deleted it all, lied and pick a fight. But yes let’s blame the woman for his actions 🙄.

Op something that I missed earlier and was niggling away at me all night was that he thought you were setting him up- not only does he not think well of you if he thinks you’d be doing that, but he doesn’t trust you.
Also I’m 100% sure your relationships with him overlapped at the beginning.

Vodkacranberryplease · 22/08/2020 10:51

@AnnoyedStepGrownUp Don't let her have the balance of power. I'd message her the above, I fcking would. She's on a malicious ego boost and I'd bring her down a peg or 2. I'd message that I'm surprised he's been in contact with her because according to him you are unhinged and he had to do you in the dark so not to look at you.*

Actually a very good idea. Two birds one stone and all that. AND it's the truth.

Sugarpea123 · 22/08/2020 10:56

Jesus your being a mug. He's gaslighting and lying. If he hasn't already done anything he probably would have done. I never understand why women cling onto men like this. But then we've all got our reasons I suppose.

Sugarpea123 · 22/08/2020 10:57

Sorry, thread didn't load properly. Well done for getting rid!

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 11:09

REading this, anybody who cared about you will be glad he has left because when I read that you can sense his anger build when you go on about it too much, so you were planning to do some more digging, I thought ''digging for what''. Earlier you had it all figured out, that either way he was a cheater/liar/opportunist.

It is a HUGE blessing in disguise that he has left you. Now you don't have to be the ''bad guy'' who ended it. He ended it by walking off. Let him have that! That is where freedom lies, years from now.

You will be spared the agony of trying to figure out if you have the right, or enough ''evidence'' ( you did)

You won't have to second guess yourself for years now.

This is an enormous blessing.

backseatcookers · 22/08/2020 11:11

@AnnoyedStepGrownUp

"And yeah of course he's saying she's mental, ugly etc. I told him he was happy enough to shag her several times to which he replied "yeah mostly in the dark!"

Don't let her have the balance of power. I'd message her the above, I f*cking would. She's on a malicious ego boost and I'd bring her down a peg or 2. I'd message that I'm surprised he's been in contact with her because according to him you are unhinged and he had to do you in the dark so not to look at you.

What's the worst she can do. Send you all screenshots?

The misogyny here is unreal.

Burn the witch, 'win' the man.

Original poster
ShrekandDonkey · 22/08/2020 11:20

He came back during the early hours whilst i was asleep and I think slept on the sofa.

He has tried to engage with me this morning but is still turning this all round to be my fault and keeps telling me I should get over it! I've told him straight he isn't ruining my weekend too and i have zero intention of listening to him berate me for being upset.

And will certainly send screenshots back to her to show her exactly what he says about her. I told him several times he is a misogynist and it has really rattled him- I guess the truth hurts.

OP posts:
ProfessionalWeirdo · 22/08/2020 11:33

And will certainly send screenshots back to her to show her exactly what he says about her.

^^ This. Play her at her own game. She needs to know the truth about him.

Good luck, OP. Stay strong.

CleverCatty · 22/08/2020 11:36

@ShrekandDonkey

He came back during the early hours whilst i was asleep and I think slept on the sofa.

He has tried to engage with me this morning but is still turning this all round to be my fault and keeps telling me I should get over it! I've told him straight he isn't ruining my weekend too and i have zero intention of listening to him berate me for being upset.

And will certainly send screenshots back to her to show her exactly what he says about her. I told him several times he is a misogynist and it has really rattled him- I guess the truth hurts.

All of this sound deeply immature to me - I wouldn't want to be with someone so misogynistic and who speeds off in the early hours god knows where...

For me after all this the trust would be gone or going fast - it all depends on you now really and what you want.

Buggedandconfused · 22/08/2020 13:04

Urgh, he’s gaslighting you now. Cheaters usually do this. It’s because they are somewhat sociopathic or narcissistic. Definitely get into a convo with the OW, and get more info.

JingsMahBucket · 22/08/2020 13:11

@backseatcookers
Burn the witch, 'win' the man.

I don’t think the intent of @AnnoyedStepGrownUp was to “win the man back”, it was more so to remind the other woman what a snake she’s dealing with. The point being that the two of them deserve and can have each other, they’re both that toxic.

JingsMahBucket · 22/08/2020 13:15

@ShrekandDonkey interesting that being called a misogynist has spooked him. I wonder if he’s thought he’s been an angel all these years or just “not one of those types of guys”. You know what I mean? People think you have to beat your wife to be a misogynist or be in the KKK to be a racist when it’s really the “subtle” everyday acts that matter.

And good for you standing up for yourself and telling him he’s not ruining your weekend! I’d pack a bag for him and message him to get it the next time he wanders home from one of his tantrums.

AnnoyedStepGrownUp · 22/08/2020 14:26

Thanks Jings

Not to win the man back at all. I think he's been binned. They are both as bad as each other.

It takes a particular, calculating piece of work, be it man or woman, to take down a human being the way this woman has. For all we know, the OP could have other issues and this could be the straw that breaks the camels back. The OW cares little for the trail of hurt, heartbreak and suffering she's party to.

I'm a great believer in standing up to bullies, calling out bad behaviour and retribution. Your DH has given you the ammunition. She may be doing this to a number of her ex's DP's. What's so special about OP's? She's a nasty piece of work. Let her think on how many men have turned out the lights on her. She deserves to be stung badly.

Lemonade4356 · 22/08/2020 23:13

@AnnoyedStepGrownUp what makes you think what she’s doing is a bad thing? Showing these guys for who they really are? I know I’d rather know. People pay for this service (professional honey traps)