Things have been very rocky for 8 months, going steadily downhill for 2 years. Not going to bore you with the details. We have 2 children.
He says no. A flat no, it’s not happening. He can’t do it. He’s been divorced before. He admits his behaviour over the last year hasn’t been good enough and he hasn’t been present or involved.
I’ve told him I love him but I’m no longer in love with him. He asked what love is anyway.
I can’t live in a sexless, affection less marriage for another 40 years. There have been ultimatums and serious discussions about separating before but he’s finally starting to pay it some attention.
He’s a good man and a good father. But he’s not listening. I think he thinks that if he keeps telling me it will all be ok that he’ll get his own way. I’ve agreed to counselling but we’ll be going into it with two very separate aims - his to make it work, mine to have an amicable divorce.
I’m absolutely sure of my decision. We’re good friends who have children. The spark is gone and we have very different views on what we want from life.
I don’t want it to get to the stage where we are arguing every day and lose all respect for each other. He thinks I’m being idealistic and we can sort it all out. But we can’t. I no longer desire him or want him as a partner. We’re basically room mates.
I know he was shocked, I know it takes time. But he can’t say no forever can he?
We both work, there’s no affair or anything.
How do I keep pushing this? Like so many things over the course of our marriage, I’m the one having to be the grown up and make the decision.