Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

I’ve actually got a date this weekend! He seems nice but I’m not sure if I’ll fancy him or not - he’s not my usual type. Still, good to at least chalk up one date considering I’ve been on OLD since April!

I tried speed dating a couple of times years ago and one time it was quite fun but the second time it was a bit painful and I couldn’t wait for the evening to end. Depends on who you meet I suppose.

Very exciting. What are the plans?

Just going to meet for a coffee on sat afternoon. I didn’t want to commit to having dinner or anything in case we don’t hit it off. Feel a bit nervous!

Feel breaths. First one in a long while is hard. You can do it.

Thanks! I will update how it goes.

Have you had any luck? I’ve been chatting to a couple of others but it seems to have dried up now.

Starlight good luck for your date!
I too have a date at the weekend, and have also suggested coffee for the same reason!
We have lots in common and it's been an easy chat in messages, but one of his pictures I really like, the others I'm not so sure. However I know from last years few dates that you can't tell just from photos!

Angel last year I used POF but didn't get any dates from it and just random messages and one guy who used to message my daily but never wanted to meet!

I used Bumble last year but never got any responses to the few messages I sent (the woman had to message first) so I gave up. I've had responses this time but they've just drifted off or disappeared!

The 3 dates I had last year with the last leading to a relationship were all ion Match and thats were I've met the guy I'm meeting this weekend. I'm paying but only about £10 a month. I've not encountered any nastiness on there, but still a few whose profiles were removed and messages from young and much older but not inappropriate messages.

Thanks Viva! Good luck to you too - your scenario sounds similar to mine. Looks attractive in one photo but not so much in the others. I’m hoping he’s just not photogenic!

Angel, I met this guy on Bumble but most people I messaged ignored me or sent one reply then ignored me. I don’t like Tinder as it feels like a bit of a meat market and I’ve also tried OK Cupid but didn’t have much luck with that. You can use OK Cupid for free but it just means you can’t see who likes you unless they like you back.

I’m on tinder at the minute, and I get the same! I was on a few months back and gave up!
Back on now since Tuesday night already have 17 matches but only 4 messaged normal and now iv replied nothing and 1 asked if I’d like to f**k so he was unmatched!
I have no idea how you get dates or move past a few messages then stop! Xx

Oh I've met some right treats this week. One on tinder, seemingly smart, chatty, articulate, then after a few messages he starts banging on about his ex and a near minute by minute breakdown of the end of their relationship. After that it was messages which, in both length and tone, made War and Peace look like a light read. He proceeded to tell me in great detail how he lives with his mum at age 44 and has done for five years (she's not unwell or anything), doesn't drive and doesn't like to spend money going out or holidays or anything beyond basic food because he's ploughing his spare cash onto amassing a bitcoin fortune, and he'll be laughing in 10 years.

They make you laugh don’t they!
Never thought dating would be this hard! I can understand why some people choose to be on their own now lol xx

Evening all. Nothing to report here. I will be living vicariously through you lot by the looks of it.

I don't know if any site is better than any other. At least on tinder and bumble you don't get spammed with mails from men you wouldn't touch with someone else's hand.

OLD seems exciting at first and then the reality sets in. Had lots of similar experiences to others here. I tend to have plenty of interest/matches but not all will message. Then some disappear after a few exchanges.

Most guys seem to be after ‘some fun’ and nothing serious. Always ask what they’re looking for early on to weed these ones out and prevent endless texting. I also think that the guy should message first and initiate swapping numbers, meeting up, etc because then you know they’re really interested.

I briefly commented at the start of this thread. If you're in a fairly populated area - hinge- I found was great. I've been OLD for a couple of years and I noticed in the few weeks I was on there was a lot more chat and better matches. I've made a couple of pals like this and also, yes, met someone very recently. Its going well. Also, Netflix and chill types, instant no. Dont even bother if you don't want casual. Id also recommend the reddit sub 'female dating strategy'. Go there and find the handbook. There's plenty that might not chime with you but after far too many dates/men who said relationship but meant 'casual' it changed my mindset and approach.

Agree it's a minefield.

I wouldn't go to anybody's house for a first or even second date and wouldn't want them to know where I live either.

I was chatting to what I thought was a nice guy a few weeks ago, just over a couple of evenings, local to me, lots in common, he was 55 so 5 years older than me (and I generally prefer my age or younger). Then he said why didn't I invite him round for a gin (we had spoken about both liking a g and t in the sun) i obviously said no but would happily meet him at one out local beer gardens for one. No response and not heard from him since! Speaks volumes. He's had quite a few looks at my profile since. Surely 55 is too old to be shagging around 🤔

@VivaVegas I've had a similar experience with someone I was chatting to. It certainly filters out the ones that want something casual when you tell them you won't go to their house or invite them to yours on the first date.

@Angelofdeath yes, I’ve come across guys who have their looking for as ‘relationship’ but they really just want sex. What I can’t understand is why when there’s the option to state you want something casual! I think with these type of guys the clues are usually there. The sexual references by text or on dates is a red flag. Good for you for standing your ground and not accepting anything less than what you deserve. Hilarious you asked him how the shagging around was going!

If a guy hasn’t moved things on after 2/3 days then NEXT! That includes swapping numbers. It is a waste of your time otherwise!

Watching with interest :)...