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Original poster

Online dating in your 40s

966 replies

StarlightSparkle · 13/08/2020 22:45

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 29/08/2020 17:10

Had my date today. He was nice and we got on well but I’m not sure I fancied him. Ho hum...... at least the first one is out of the way!

OP posts:
NowYouListenToMeFella · 29/08/2020 17:32

@StarlightSparkle

Had my date today. He was nice and we got on well but I’m not sure I fancied him. Ho hum...... at least the first one is out of the way!
Will you see him again if he asks?
Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 29/08/2020 17:41

I’m not sure @NowYouListenToMeFella. He was easy to talk to, had a good sense of humour and better looking than he looked in the photos but not the sort of guy I’d usually go for. He may not want to see me again!

OP posts:
Angelofdeath · 29/08/2020 18:04

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user1481840227 · 29/08/2020 18:19

My date tomo asked if I wanted to go to a car boot sale. I don't fancy an hour plus drive there and back with a stranger. I wonder do men realise what they are asking.

I don't think they do. I once had a guy ask me did I want to bring my kids along to a local play farm for our first meeting. He would bring his daughter Grin No thanks Confused

Angelofdeath · 29/08/2020 18:35

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Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 29/08/2020 19:39

Yes, I will see if he suggests a 2nd date or not. If not, I have another one lined up for tomorrow! No dates for 3 months and now 2 in one weekend!

OP posts:
NowYouListenToMeFella · 29/08/2020 22:05

Woo hoo starlight. Go you. I think it sounds like he would be worth a second date. Lots of positives.

I've learned that I'm attracted to all sorts when I meet them. So I find it hard to online date as they are just pictures. You can't see if there is something about them. Essentially I am far more superficial online than in person.

Cait73 · 29/08/2020 22:11

Tried it about 3 years ago, had 10 "dates" no none looked like I expected or were who I thought they were, some only after one thing others after several - I never had a second date I was totally put off

Last year my baby grandson moved in so I'm really not in a position to go dating and I wouldn't ever go online dating again anyway, total and utter disaster

VivaVegas · 29/08/2020 22:55

That's positive Starlight and another date lined up too!

Mine is tomorrow morning, feel fine about it now but will be pretty nervous when the time comes!

Angelofdeath · 30/08/2020 05:53

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VivaVegas · 30/08/2020 18:47

Date was nice, lasted longer than expected and he seems a genuinely nice bloke - but I didn't fancy him! No idea what he thought about me. He was really easy to talk to and we have lots in common but I just didn't feel any attraction Confused

Angelofdeath · 30/08/2020 20:50

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VivaVegas · 30/08/2020 23:06

Angel only available on Friday mornings, how very strange. Did he say why?

He hasn't contacted me and I didn't want it to just be left in limbo as he could of course be feeling the same so I have just sent him a message saying I didn't feel there was a romantic connection (what else do you say 'I just don't fancy you?') but enjoyed his company and hopefully we will both find what we're looking for.

Angelofdeath · 31/08/2020 05:13

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Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 31/08/2020 08:56

That sounds a bit suss, Angel. If that is truthfully the only time he has available, not much point being on a dating app!

Sorry your date didn’t go anywhere Viva. At least it’s another one to chalk down to experience!

I had my 2nd date but it’s not a goer. He was quite handsome but I didn’t feel there was chemistry between us and he was moaning about a few things which was off-putting on a first date!

I have chatted a little to the other one since our date but he hasn’t suggested meeting again. Back to the drawing board! I feel like at this point I’ve swiped on most people on the apps that fit my criteria - maybe it’s time to give Tinder another try!

OP posts:
VivaVegas · 31/08/2020 09:42

I feel a bit the same Starlight, what apps are you on? I'm on Match and Bumble but all my (4 in total!) dates have been from Match.

I've steered clear of Tinder as in my head it's just a shag fest Grin I did go on POF last year but again no dates from that.

Angelofdeath · 31/08/2020 10:03

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Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 31/08/2020 13:55

The two dates were from Bumble but I’m on OK Cupid too. I’ve had a few chats on OKC but it’s never progressed to a date.

At this rate I don’t understand how so many people manage to find partners through apps!

OP posts:
christinesa · 31/08/2020 15:37

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MondeoFan · 31/08/2020 15:43

I think OKCupid is more of a just meeting for sex type of site.
I don't know anyone who has had any serious dates from it

NowYouListenToMeFella · 31/08/2020 16:41

@StarlightSparkle

The two dates were from Bumble but I’m on OK Cupid too. I’ve had a few chats on OKC but it’s never progressed to a date.

At this rate I don’t understand how so many people manage to find partners through apps!

Me either. Matched with a guy last night on tinder and he kept asking if I had been married before. I was like read my bio the answer is there. He was like you answer me no. Unmatch.

Somehow matched with a man 15 years older. No offence to him but I would like like ones going for coffee with my dad. He ya keen to chat.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 31/08/2020 16:42

*he is

Angelofdeath · 31/08/2020 16:52

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3caratdiamond · 31/08/2020 20:23

Problem is in your 40s your dating market value is low compared to a woman in her 20s. The decent 40+ year old men will be entertaining the attractive younger women, and all that's left are the potato looking ones.

Better off leaving OLD and hitting an upmarket bar.

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