Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

I think anyone on a paid site is also on the free ones. Covering all the bases.

It's really just a matter of head down and plough on isn't it. Try and not get disheartened.

I was supposed to be having a date tomo. Not a peep since Tuesday. Can't say I'm sorry it's not happening. He was fairly interesting when we started chatting but I ended up carrying the conversation. Those days are over.

Any developments there?

I’ve been chatting to one guy for a few days but he is now away for the weekend. There seems to be a bit of a spark so I’m hoping it might lead to a date - if he doesn’t suggest meeting I think I will as I don’t want it to turn into endless chats!

Another 2 matches on OKC but still no messages. Bizarre.

Sorry your potential date disappeared but it sounds like it’s a good thing if already he’s not making any effort.

I’m 40, a widow of two years and this year I started to dip my ties in OLD. It’s just ducking weird tbh- like being in a meat market. Why men think I want a photo of their dick is beyond me, it does nothing for me other than make me delete you.

I hardly get any matches 😂😂 I’m not that attractive but not a minger, certainly presentable. I think men see it as their opp to get something they know they wouldn’t in real life because their not attractive themselves and I don’t punch above my weight so to speak. I also think they just want Instagram ready profiles.

I’ve been chatting to one man who I met on one of the more horrible sites but he seems like he really shouldn’t have been in this site.
We are meant to be meeting in two weeks- my first meet- he seems lovely, seems to have his life sorted etc, his photo is cute. But I don’t know why but I have a fear that he’s used photos from a while ago and that he doesn’t look like I’m expecting 🙈🙈 and I’m paranoid my face when I see him will show I’m disappointed 🙈🙈

Morning. Not in the slightest bit bothered about the disappearing act. I would have been fairly surprised if we would be a good match.

We want very different things out of life. Incompatible really. I cancelled the first date due to work and kind of felt I should go after that.

Widow have you exchanged numbers? You could see what he has on his whatsapp profile.

Also I wouldn't be too worried about upsetting someone issuing misleading photos with your reaction. It's their own fault for putting up one that is not a true reflection.

@ NowYouListenToMeFella yes his head looks kinda the same but I’m not sure about the rest of him as only head shot 😂😂😂

So far I've joined Scandi SIngles - also back on OKC but not feeling either sites really...

@Widowodiw

@ NowYouListenToMeFella yes his head looks kinda the same but I’m not sure about the rest of him as only head shot 😂😂😂

It could go either way so.

My last date had lost about two stone over lockdown. Well done him but all his pics were with the weight on. He was gone a bit too thin in the face and to me less attractive.

I on the other hand have packed on the pounds over lockdown. So have taken all new pics for tinder. No point in trying to hide it.

Ah Jesus. Just got a match. Had messaged already. A gif of Joey from friends saying 'how you doin' 🙄

@StarlightSparkle

I’ve been chatting to one guy for a few days but he is now away for the weekend. There seems to be a bit of a spark so I’m hoping it might lead to a date - if he doesn’t suggest meeting I think I will as I don’t want it to turn into endless chats!

Another 2 matches on OKC but still no messages. Bizarre.

When you say you have matched on OKC but no messages, could it be that they can't see who they have matched with? Were you doing the swipey thing? It's been a while since I used that site but there are some where the men can't see the matches, so it might be up to you to send the first message?

@MargotMoon on OKC you can send anyone a message whether you’ve matched with them or not. I find it odd that I have quite a few matches but they don’t message me! Granted, I could message them but I think if a guy is interested he would message.

On the plus side I might have my very first OLD date this weekend! Not yet wished out what we are going to do but have a agreed to meet. I haven’t been on a date with someone I didn’t already know for 14 years!!

@NowYouListenToMeFella that is not a very original opener. 🙄 He’s not ‘looking for a partner in crime’ is he?

@Widowodiw I have that fear too, that my potential date will look older than his pics suggest! I suppose it’s always a risk when you don’t know how old their photos are.

I also worry that they might think the same about me! All my photos are taken within the past 2 years so hopefully I haven’t aged that much!

I'm nearing 40. The dating pool is virtually non-existent. I've decided to stay single for the foreseeable.

I have just been sent this as a first message... Random question ball kicking or slapping

@NowYouListenToMeFella I don't understand those of kind of messages... it's off putting to me and the Joey message...

It's hard work ladies... I've been off the sites for a while but I wish you luck...stay firm in what you're looking for and learn from your experiences.... that's my advice to me if I go back on.

I am learning to accept I may be single forever but I have single friends which helps me not feel alone in my situation. It's hard when I have nice day out with friends and come home to an empty place... sometimes I feel lonely and reading, internet, films aren't always helpful depending on my mood which luckily is normally ok these days.

I also did not have lots of interest when I was online which didn't help with my confidence. I had young guys approach at times or really old guys. Guys in their 50's had issues and talking about ex. No spark, no energy...felt like I was going through the motions just to go on the date with the hope It could be something more...wasted hours with one guy doing this.... never again.

Dear OP, yes it's tough but you might get lucky. You have to be relatively persistent.
I joined the usual sites, Tinder, Match etc then decided I wanted something more natural and structured so joined RSVP , where you have single events. I paid over £500. What a complete waste of time and money, the women at the events were quite lovely but the men were DIRE!!!

The company 'interview ' you first to ensure you're good enough to join but I don't know who let the men in because seriously, after going to several events I became completely disillusioned it was such a disappointment.

Eventually I met my gorgeous OH on Match.com, I know several couples who have married after meeting on Match so that speaks for itself. I think Tinder was ok for traffic but I have a friend who has found a lot of the men to be liars on there sadly.

Good luck!

Mountain biking, that's where all the nice men are. Went for the first time ever today. Anyone we came across was very nice and friendly.

I don't know if my heart could take doing it regularly. There was a lot of sweet Jesus this is it moments.

I know what I would like and have a nice single life so only would give that up for someone who adds to it.

I had an eye-opening experience when my OKC account got hacked.
They deleted my pictures, and put up a lot of a very heavily made-up blonde woman and the number of messages it got over a few days was INSANE. She wasnt even the "18 and a supermodel" trope, just someone about my age but not overweight like I am, and with a huge amount of make up on.

Went to prove that my huge, carefully thought about and written profile that gets no interest was absolutely irrelevant, what most of the guys on there want is "blonde, a lot of makeup, and messages things like 'hi hun how r u xxxx' as a first message".

@StormTreader

I had an eye-opening experience when my OKC account got hacked. They deleted my pictures, and put up a lot of a very heavily made-up blonde woman and the number of messages it got over a few days was INSANE. She wasnt even the "18 and a supermodel" trope, just someone about my age but not overweight like I am, and with a huge amount of make up on.

Went to prove that my huge, carefully thought about and written profile that gets no interest was absolutely irrelevant, what most of the guys on there want is "blonde, a lot of makeup, and messages things like 'hi hun how r u xxxx' as a first message".

That's a bit depressing isn't it. Putting effort into your profile and pics and then that happening.

OP I think the Covid-19 situation is affecting OLD at the moment by the Covid-19 situation at the moment.

Either that or my age is putting men off.

When I was in my 40s I had lots of dates as well as the usual ghosting, inappropriate messages etc.

I'm 50 now and I'm chatting to someone but it seems to be going nowhere. People seem reluctant to meet for a socially distanced date, it's all just chat.

Sorry, I've repeated myself in the first paragraph.

I did Speed Dating alongside OLD. Really recommend it.

Tea I'm 40 and struggling to be honest. I don't often swipe right on tinder and find bumble useless.

Not sure I can face back into pof. I found that a polite no thanks for whatever reason often lead to nasty messages back.

Tell us more about the speed dating beep. Did you meet someone at it??