Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

Thanks @sugarlost. I just ran the guy I'm meeting later through it. Thankfully he didn't come up

Myso - sorry I don't know how to tag. 5 years apparently.

He's bloody gorgeous as well so I questioned why he was single and he explained that his very strict upbringing which was very pushy, academic achievement focused made him very shy and unconfident, said he felt unable to chat up girls in college and married his high school sweetheart who sadly died. Says the same thing since she passed, ie doesn't feel confident meeting women

You just do the @ symbol and poster's name without a gap between :)

@timetochangeagainforever The more I hear the less I believe, sorry! Hopefully I'm wrong x

@OutingMyself the website isn't a guarantee but sometimes you can find images come up.

Have a lovely date!

@timetochangeagainforever did I miss something about paying for tickets?

Please watch that iPlayer series it's Very interesting and will help protect you going forward....

@OutingMyself the more I hear the less I believe too...

I was on OLD for 10 years. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince. Once I tried to lose my date at the traffic lights on the first date. Then when we had our first proper date he completely swept me off my feet, yes he’s a my friends are jealous I have him, he could teach men how to look after women, so glad I found him and I now live with him.

@Classicbrunette I think we all need to hear stories like this....delighted for you and gives us hope!

@pineappleonpizzaornot sadly I don't think so, his situation is too complicated and messy at the moment. It is a real shame but it is what it is.

@timetochangeagainforever that reverse search coming up with nothing doesn't really mean anything.
If you have his full name have a look on linked in and maybe companies house if he might be a director of some sort. If you know where he lives 192.com may have him listed. You can sometimes find census information as well.

@timetochangeagainforever he could give you a fake name. They also sometimes use fake documents like passports to back up what they are saying. I guess only time will tell what’s going on. Sometimes they say don’t discuss certain things with your friends or family so they can spin you a web of lies without anyone else getting involved and making you see the light.

Sometimes they tell you to book a flight or say they booked a flight and all of a sudden some Crisis happens just before the flight and they need your financial help....

Sorry to keep speaking about myself.. but..
I'm suddenly crazy nervous to the point of feeling shaky. And I hate how I look. Too late to do anything about it. Just waiting for the taxi :(

Thank you, I hope so! I'm almost hoping I don't like him so it doesn't matter if I fuck it up! x

@OutingMyself try and look at it like meeting a friend... that's what I sometimes do. I'm also known as Ms Nervous!

Hope you have a lovely time x

Well , the downward spiral has begun, no new matches or any messages at all. Probably a good thing, glad this thread is here so I don't take it too personally. 😆

Just awaiting crappy half message phase now!

Hope you have a lovely time outing.

@Outingmyself....have a lovely time!
@Angelofdeath - I need to use the " I'm not doing sexy talk!" Message!
Mr Magic is still messaging, he seems really nice, asking questions, replies very quickly! Seems interested in me, can spell, and not one mention of his wand!! Only thing is he lives flippin 80 miles away 🙈
@Timetochangeagainforever-I would be wary of the no confidence message, go with your gut sometimes it's nice to be positive but just be careful x

@Angelofdeath, I'm not sure if the 80 miles bothers me or not?! We both drive and my kids have grown up and moved out so I'm not tied down really. But he has replied to a few messages with just "😂😂", I'm not sure if that means "go away now you're boring me!". Was it a sexual comment?? Mr Magic has said he was wary of joining tinder as he didn't want people to think he's a player, but like everyone says, it's bullshit until it isn't! He has said he's really enjoying talking to me.....oh it's so difficult!

I'm taking a break off one site as not seeing any new faces and one I was communicating with hasn't replied.

I'm locked out of other site and was messaging nice guy on there...never mind.

Actually feel a bit relieved.

When I go back online I should put on profile and no your not coming to mine on date 1 and I'm not coming to yours and don't use Covid as an excuse lol

What was the comment? Can you say?