Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

@Angelofdeath my ex is very attractive and knows how to charm women but also has a drink problem and abusive side. Sadly women gravitate towards his looks first. I think we women are also guilty of taking people for what they say and hoping for the best. I certainly assume the best and used to get disillusioned.

My ex just went with the first one that showed him attention, he can't be on his own, and he certainly has no standards! Prostitutes spring to mind....dirty git 🤮 and I agree with being super paranoid, I'm pleased I've got my witt's about me, you certainly need to with OLD!

Just had a message. "Date sex or kiss" Christ Almighty! Where's the decent guys????

The Mr twat that just messaged me said I have to pick date sex or kiss, after I replied none thanks....is it me??

Lol @Angelofdeath....they do try don't they! I've had a 60 year old ask me if I'm a model, and a barber who said "hey xxxx" (I hate loads of X's) I read his bio says he likes to have pamper nights doing face masks!

Hi, can I join please?

Just recently joined up to OLD, I have dipped my toe a bit before, but deleted after a couple of days. This time I want to keep it all in proportion, although in Tier 3 so not sure how that is going to effect things.

Think I have had the joining flurry, but from reading here, it sounds like it may go downhill fast. I'm trying to acclimatise myself because I think I do need to start moving forward, but its all a bit hard work and putting myself out there.

Haven't had any dates, dick pics or phone number requests yet. I have had an eligible seeming guy (mr fit) message for a week and then dip (as my kids say) but it was a bit of an ego boost anyway, as my ex did a real number on my confidence. I'm wanting to try and make the most of the better aspects without investing too much if you know what I mean.

I've only had that one request for my phone number so far. How weird that you get so many requests for it!

I didn't give him my number in the end, and it looks like we're meeting tonight now. Eeek!

I know that phone feeling! No one never normally has my phone , yet I have handed it over to a few people this week, then thought 'oh no what if the icon comes through. 😄😄

@Angelofdeath when is your birthday?

I give out my number for video call mainly...not liking it now as recent guy was asking if I was wearing a bra...think he wanted me to strip...it’s exhausting..no one wants to meet for a normal meet up...it’s all about sex. It’s a sleaze pit...well the ones that I’m attracting. Do I not look like relationship material...

Anyway a match has responded so will email him...

Hi @Sociallydefunct.....yep get ready for the downward spiral! My ex also did a proper number confidence wise too! Im nowhere near as confident as I was, shame we let then have all the power! But, Im getting there slowly, good luck on your dating venture.
I very rarely get asked for my number either, I think the guys I match with want pen-pals. Woke up to a message that just "Would love to" with a kissing emoji...BLOCKED! A guy messaged me last night it went...
"Gorgeous pics :)"
"thank you :)"
"Anytime"
End of conversation lol

Hope your date goes well tonight Outing.

Thanks pineapple on pizza, I am definitely mentally preparing myself for the downward spiral. Trying to not take it personally or overswipe as an emotional reaction.

With the conversation, its like they can't think of any other questions. 🙄 Glad you are getting your confidence back, do you think OLD helps or not?

@Sociallydefunct I have definitely developed a thick skin since I started OLD, the first guy that ghosted me, I cried lol! I had no idea it would be so brutal. Time is the only thing that has helped with my confidence (and seeing my ex's latest squeeze) I know its not all about looks, but when I saw her my confidence rocketed! I just realised how full of shit he was and I took back my power.
@Angelofdeath, I seem to get most of my messages at either 6am or 10pm, and I just cant be bothered to start the drudgery of a conversation at those times.

What sites does everyone use, Im on Bumble, and nobody ever replies to me on that, and Tinder which is full of sex pests!

You ladies are so entertaining....I don't mean to be offend but sometimes just reading the posts is therapy! Warm, funny ladies with so much going on....those men dont know what they're missing!!

Love this thread - it feels so supportive and a safe place to vent. I posted earlier under a different username but read every day.
Re the phone numbers I usually move to WhatsApp if they ask but the weirdest was a guy who was very complimentary, chatted, said he’d love to take me for dinner , asked for my number and never heard from him again 😂 like not even a dick pic
I’ve paused my profile on the apps (tinder and pof) as I have had a few dates with one iron who I like a lot. Things have fizzled a bit because we are in lockdown and too far apart to meet. Also my ex is being a knob and ‘not able’ to take the DC on his eow so I have no childcare.
If ex takes kids weekend after next as scheduled I’m tempted to break for the border and meet up🙈 bloody covid is really messing things up because I think he feels the same (as best as you can know these things without actually speaking about it😆)

@Mayzee....you dont want a dick pic! Trust me!
I had one guy about 5 years ago send me a full length ppic fully clothed in front of a mirror, took me 2 days to notice his tiny weeny titchy dick was poking out his flys! So gross!! and SO tiny...lol!

*pic

@pineappleonpizzaornot that’s hilarious 😂
I have had the honour and privilege of a dick pic - very impressive package I must say but not asked for and definitely not wanted from this guy. It was in my early days of old when I was too polite for my own good😆 he sent me a shirtless pic which should have raised alarm bells but I just said nice tattoo - full tattoo on his chest - he sent me a closer pic and it was of his mother’s face like can you imagine DTD with his mother looking at you 😂😂

OMG @Mayzee looking at a pic of his mum while hes whispering sweet nothings in your ear! I have read on a previous thread on here about a woman that got into a FWB situation with a guy that had his mum tattooed on him, the posts were so funny! There certainly are some picnics short of a sandwich out there :)