Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

That's so crap @angelofdeath . At least you found out before meeting him though.

I have a date arranged for Friday now. He has been online the past hour though, presumably speaking to other people. I sent him a message about 20 mins ago and he's clearly seen it but not replied. Oh well, I suppose I'll see what happens.

Now he's asked for my number. Bleh. It's putting me off.

How long do you guys wait for a response before the block button is hit? I was talking to a guy through the height of lockdown in March, it kind of fizzled out in both sides because of the situation, he then messaged me again yesterday, and a few messages were sent back and forth, and a couple this morning....I asked him a question about 11am today and he's not replied, I think it's block time! Im sure it's all an ego stroke for them! Good luck for your date outing! 😊

Lol @outingMyself. It goes from excited to meh in the space of an hour doesn't it!
I'm more excited that I've decided to grow my hair than dating 🤣

@Angelofdeath thank you, it was a shame as he seemed nice, I really thought I had found a genuine guy there. I even put my doubts about living with the ex to one side but now this I think I've had a lucky escape. Too messy and complicated.

I'm sorry yours turned out to be one of those. It's so annoying why they think we want nudes or dick pics I'll never know.

I can't tell if he has been online or not, so he's getting blocked anyway, like you say it's just polite. Another Mr Ego.

@Angelofdeath things change so quickly...I had 4 potential dates last week.. Mr confident,cocktail,flaky, cheapy but nothing..
I'm not believing anything now until I arrive at the date (if it gets that far) and I see them . It's too muchas mental energy being used for something that doesn't materialise.
I really thought you had got a bday date...I honestly think OLD is getting worse... what is happening? Where are the decent men, normal conversations and then the natural progression to a date.
Just reading the stories here gives me Little hope...why are the men so bad...like naughty highly sexed school boys that haven't grown up or know how to have a decent conversation and treat a woman with respect!

@LuckyLinda3 also glad I have you ladies to speak to as noone in real life I want to share journey with..

Ladies this is such hard work!

I also hate when they are slow to respond...

When I started reading this thread, it was so positive, and now we are all in the same boat of it going south and fast! I don't know if it's corona, my age, my standards or a combination of all 3. But it is soul destroying, I can't get a decent conversation going let alone a husband lol!
One guy I really clocked with said on his bio he was an accountant, very ambitious, had a nice car and own home, we talked for a few days, he wasn't sleazy, he could type proper English, asked me questions was quick at replying, I was getting so excited.....turned out he had walked out of his job last month, sold his car , on the dole and living in a shared house! I'm not all about the money, but I was so upset that it was all rubbish. when I pulled him up on it all, he said he just hadn't updated his profile.....no shit sherlock! I want a man not a boy that needs looking after and sees me as a ticket out if his shitty situation.

Clicked not clocked lol

I was just catching up and was briefly excited to saw you had a date Angel, until I saw the update! Why do people have to ruin a perfectly nice conversation with nudy pics talk?!

isitreally it sounds like you might’ve had a lucky escape to be honest. I’m not sure I’d be that keen to date someone who was living with their ex as even if they’re apart it is messy and things aren’t completed severed.

Outing I would find that rude too. I don’t expect instant replies in general, as people might be busy, but it’s a bit different if you can see they’re blatantly online. If he doesn’t reply this evening I’d be wondering if I really wanted to go on a date with him.

Pineapple the ‘hi then a sausage’ guy did make me laugh - what is wrong with them?! I haven’t actually had a dick pic yet but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time!

I don’t have much to report. Had a reasonable chat with someone last night but he’s gone quiet today and chatting to another who seems nice. He signed off saying he was going to bed as had an early start but hoped we can continue chatting tomorrow.

@pineappleonpizzaornot you're right we are all in the same boat and I think the other dating threads on here are sadly the same...

We can only keep trying and hope for the best. Block any asshole a.s.a.p and listen out for alarm bells. We can't afford to waste energy on men that lie, don't give a shit and have no respect...it's just exhausting and disheartening. If we save our energy by not entertaining any crap when a decent man does pop up we will be enthusiastic and not worn down.

Mr not update my profile...not appealing at all!

And guess who's just come up as a blocked message.....FLAKY! Should I reply and lead him on....NO... cos I can't be asked and need to save my energy for a Mr Wonderful who will surely come my way soon.

If someone has a green dot next to their profile on Tinder, that means they're online or have been recently doesn't it?

This guy has pretty much been permanently on since yesterday.. it's giving me very strong "I'm speaking to everyone I possibly can" vibes and putting me off..

It's it rude to say something along the lines of "just to say, I'm not looking for a ONS or hookup. If you are that's fine, but it's not for me :)" or something?

The being permanently online and asking for my number has really made me doubt the whole thing for some reason.

Thanks @Angelofdeath. I think I'm going to write this one off. I mentioned it and he's been online and not replied to it 🙄

He replied just after that saying 'no not at all, me neither'. I've also noticed that it says everyone I've ever spoken to on there is online all the time. Maybe it's a glitch?!

@OutingMyself I was talking to a guy, and it said he was online all the time and he went flaky, not answering my message, so I unmatched him. Then he found me on another site and said "you blocked me", I told him I hadn't, I just unmatched and if he wanted to talk to multiple people that is fine, but its just rude not to answer me. He then said it was glitch on the app, and he really wanted to take me out, I got all excited, then he removed his profile!? WTF?! Why come find me just to do it all over again?? So when it says they are online now, I believe they are actually online!
Im sure the male egos have gone into overdrive since corona, or have they always been like this and Im just discovering it?
Woke up to a new message from a guy saying I must have good taste to have matched with him.....not sure whether to chat to him or not, I seem to find a negative in every opening message, think I just wait for the sexting to start, so Im guarded from the off. Hes also 8 years older than me. Oh this is so difficult

@Angelofdeath I remember reading that post regarding the guy blocking you and then saying you should trust him! The cheek! It can make you feel so paranoid cant it?
Do you think its as hard for guys online? My ex went on tinder (he came up on mine) about 4 weeks ago, 2 days after I had seen him on it, I bumped into him in a restaurant with another woman! Obvs he met her on tinder (i did some digging lol). So it really didn't take him long at all. I've come to the conclusion that are all the nice men must be taken and we are left with the overgrown babies who dont know how to tell the truth!

@pineappleonpizzaornot I've seen a few of my friends ex partners on tinder, nothing much to look at but I also notice they shave a decade off their ages too! I think a lot of men tell the women what they want to hear to find it easier to meet people. My ex was single for a matter of weeks before getting dates.

Just to give small hopes to those looking. I only went on about 8 dates in total over 3 years. I just found I didn't click with many men. Of those I had one as a fwb for a year and one other who I'm officially dating now. I put on my profile that I expected regular communication, and very early on said I wasn't up for multi dating. It just cleared the air as these were the things that I knew would be a source of anxiety in the future. Anyone who didn't comply, I didn't proceed with. There are decent people out there but I think you have to set your bar high in terms of expectations.

@Eesha, Yeah my ex's pics were all at least 3 years old and he was at least 2 stone lighter, also the woman he was out with lives miles from him and has 2 small children, he has 3 from 2 crazy ex's, as far as I can tell he is jumping straight back into something he told me he never wanted. I suppose it gives me some hope that I am not willing to do that and I wont settle for any less than I think I deserve, any hint of a red flag and Im gone, whereas in the past I would overlook it, and all that happened was I got hurt, and my gut was right.
Congrats on finding the one for you too.....only 8 more dates and 26 months for me to go then woohoo lol!