Do old fashioned men still exist?

[BooFuckingHoo2]

Was going to NC but fuck it

I’m approaching 30 and I’ve been single for a couple of years now. I’m definitely attracted to a specific type of man, I.e. someone who’s “dominant”, has a good job and wants to play the traditional “man” role. (Also being tall and good looking helps ).

When I say traditional “man” role I mean be earning at least equal to me and be the main “provider” of the family if we were to have kids in future (I’d want to go PT). I also find it attractive when men are assertive and protective of their families and have strong morals/are chivalrous.

It seems these type of men are becoming either vanishingly rare or the ones that do exist are total dickheads! I OLD and 50% of the men I meet (and I screen them extensively first ) turn out to be very passive and (I’ll be flamed for this) want me to pay half on a first date .

Has anyone got a “traditional” DH/DP or does anyone dare to admit this is what they want?

Do these men still exist (non dick head ones) and how can I make sure I attract them?

category12
I can get on board with people divvying up working out the home and staying home with children in different ways on the grounds that there'd be give and take on both sides.

I don't have any problem with people making choices that work for them and their family - I do have a problem with the mischaracterisation of feminism as being about validating any choice a woman makes, even if that's completely in line with patriarchal structures. It's not, it's a socio-political movement aiming to create equality and smash the patriarchy, RAWR!

It's like, I dunno, say you disagree with two-tier educational systems, but end up putting your child into a grammar school because it's the best, safest school in your area, and then saying that's what proponents of the one-tier system are arguing for. Your personal family reasons for doing something might make sense for you & yours, but it doesn't mean it then magically fits with the ideology.

A lot of us make non-feminist choices at times for our own reasons, but they're not made in a void. Like for example a woman taking reduced hours because her wage is smaller anyway and such.

@WerkHorse

I'm considerably older than you but young enough to have been admonished by my peers if I had said outright that I wanted a traditional set up. I was a career woman and could have been a CEO by now but it was never really 'me'. I always knew what I wanted from a very very young age. I didn't get it until my 30s because I was too interested in having lots of fun but I also think I was subconsciously looking for the right man that would enable me to live the kind of life I wanted. Nothing wrong with that imo.

I met mine through a friend of a friend through hanging out as a group. He was a generous and kind man to EVERYONE. That's the key. You're looking for that type of man. He had a good job, he had money but didn't 'care' about it but wasn't careless with it by which I mean he would happily pay for the takeaway curry for 6 people if he went to the door and wouldn't take cash from us (not in a loud wankerish way) but wouldn't 'fritter' his money away on a flashy car etc, gamble, make bad investments etc. He would go out of his way to hold open a door for anyone - man or woman, would always be the one to step into the road if someone was coming down the street with kids/buggy etc. Showed compassion to those less fortunate than him. Was respectful to and about women.

He was an all round nice guy. When we started dating he would often pay for things - I never expected it and would offer but he would just shrug and say you get it next time. When I asked him about it later he would say it was the way he was brought up, that if he could afford it he should pay because who knew what money worries others had? It was a small thing that he could do that might make a difference in some way to someone's day.

I saw him with his family - I could see where he got it from. He was kind, respectful, helpful. He was amazing with younger family members. Bends over backwards to help them.

We discussed kids and the set up before we went down that road. We both agreed that if possible one of us would be 'at home' (me, I wanted to) and the other would up our game career wise so that we'd have a good incone - we were both doing well but coasting. We also agreed that if I ever wanted to go back to work then that is what I would do, no if's or buts.

I do the lion share of housework but not everything. He never expected a spic and span house and I don't think I have ever had his 'dinner on the table' when he got home from work. My main job was always to take care of the kids first and foremost, anything else was a bonus. It was always about making sure the kids were happy and healthy. Who cares if there's dust on the shelf.

Don't look for a 'traditional' man.
Look for an all round kind gregarious family man who has a good job and a stable personality. I think you need to find someone who is happy to make you happy and generally happy to be the breadwinner.

Oh and my husband is a dick sometimes but so am I - things are never always perfect.

Good luck.

Your husband sounds lovely! Wish there were many more men like this. You make a good point that OP (and other women) should note - see how his family are like, especially the dad, and also how he treats his mother. Men often mimic the behaviours of their parent(s) even if they don't show it at first. Make sure he had good role models! Men indulged by their mums are often a nightmare down the line as they expect you to treat them the same way and do everything for them at home.

@dazzlinghaze

My DP is quite old fashioned in some ways ie. he wouldn't let me split the bill on our first date and rarely let's me pay nowadays, he has a good career and wants quite a traditional family life. We don't have children yet but he is very protective of me and really looks after me. But he isn't old fashioned in that he's very soft hearted and thoughtful and affectionate and he's also happy to help with domestic chores. I love both sides of him!

"Happy to help with domestic chores"?

This infuriates me SO much. He's not "helping". They are his chores as much as they are yours!

It's just bizarre to me that presumably a man might live alone before acquiring a woman, and presumably does his own laundry, cleaning and doesn't starve to death - yet when living together he helps because it's all magically her problem.

@category12

It's just bizarre to me that presumably a man might live alone before acquiring a woman, and presumably does his own laundry, cleaning and doesn't starve to death - yet when living together he helps because it's all magically her problem.

Amen to that. Oh but it's her 'choice' she wants to do it. That's feminism to some women. And the whole man 'looking after' a woman is so dated. No doubt all the other posters will come out saying it works for me blah blah.

@category12

It's just bizarre to me that presumably a man might live alone before acquiring a woman, and presumably does his own laundry, cleaning and doesn't starve to death - yet when living together he helps because it's all magically her problem.

Ah yes and how fathers are so, so lovely and arent their wives lucky if they 'babysit' the children. You know, the children they are 50% responsible for creating and raising... drives me mad!