Do old fashioned men still exist?

[BooFuckingHoo2]

Was going to NC but fuck it

I’m approaching 30 and I’ve been single for a couple of years now. I’m definitely attracted to a specific type of man, I.e. someone who’s “dominant”, has a good job and wants to play the traditional “man” role. (Also being tall and good looking helps ).

When I say traditional “man” role I mean be earning at least equal to me and be the main “provider” of the family if we were to have kids in future (I’d want to go PT). I also find it attractive when men are assertive and protective of their families and have strong morals/are chivalrous.

It seems these type of men are becoming either vanishingly rare or the ones that do exist are total dickheads! I OLD and 50% of the men I meet (and I screen them extensively first ) turn out to be very passive and (I’ll be flamed for this) want me to pay half on a first date .

Has anyone got a “traditional” DH/DP or does anyone dare to admit this is what they want?

Do these men still exist (non dick head ones) and how can I make sure I attract them?

@ShebaShimmyShake

Like I said. Argumentative.

I've seen you on many threads, and you're the same.

Carry on though, it clearly makes you feel like the bigger person.

Bit bizarre.

You don't know me. I am a stranger on the internet so please don't presume anything about capability.
Like I said, crack on.
Thank god you've taken a man like that away from the rest of us.

You want someone dominant? Yuk yuk yuk. Why?

@Aerial2020

Interesting how you feel you have the right to presume lots, and get get frustrated when I've presumed something.

Interesting behaviour.

@Aerial2020

Maybe I'm not the odd one...

All the best

[quote Illegitiminoncarborundum]@ShebaShimmyShake

Like I said. Argumentative.

I've seen you on many threads, and you're the same.

Carry on though, it clearly makes you feel like the bigger person.

Bit bizarre.[/quote]
No, if you follow me on other threads (I'm flattered! Can't remember ever seeing you anywhere) then you might have seen my recent discussion about BDSM, so you'll know I'm not opposed to unusual set ups or consensually male dominant ones. It's just that yours truly confounds me because a) it seems to morph depending on how people are reacting to it and b) you think it's very unusual and I honestly can't see why.

@ShebaShimmyShake

Interesting how you've concluded there that I follow you, when I merely stated I'd seen your name on quite a few threads I've been on where you've contributed

I agreed that it might be unusual when a PP said it was.

You have a peculiar habit of reading what you want to see and not actually what is in front of you.

This is a mad thread! I would aim to be kind, loyal and competent, OP. And then I would look for a bloke who was the same. The rest tends to work itself out. For instance, you may not get or want 30 years hanging around Mr Sheening the sideboards with future Mr Ideal, but you might get a few years working part time and being with your future children while they are small. Erm I would remember that it’s possible to be dominant and dim, and that this is a really excruciating combination. Definitely avoid. And i would also remember that what you both want at one life stage, you may not want at another. So maybe try for kind, loyal, competent and flexible, both in a bloke and in yourself?

I think the most important thing about raising a family with someone is to approach it as a team and be willing to swap roles, try different ways until you find what works best for your family.

We’ve had periods where we’ve both worked full time (the most stressful) , then where we have both been sahp first him then me. Now he works ft and I work pt. this has mostly been driven by biology and my decision to breastfeed my children. I could’ve switched to a bottle but the babies always cried when I tried to do this and tbh I didn’t want to give up and felt it was best for the babies for me to take a back seat. DH agreed too. DH still does his fair share of chores and always did when I was a sahp because as he knows himself raising children is a full time job in itself and wouldn’t dream of getting me to do everything. Although I did most of the housework and still do (simply because I am home more).

Most families of my children’s peers all have a similar set up, FT working father and PT working mother. BUT most people don’t choose to do things this way from the start it just naturally ends up like this.

[quote Illegitiminoncarborundum]@ShebaShimmyShake

Interesting how you've concluded there that I follow you, when I merely stated I'd seen your name on quite a few threads I've been on where you've contributed

I agreed that it might be unusual when a PP said it was.

You have a peculiar habit of reading what you want to see and not actually what is in front of you.[/quote]
You were going to ignore me about three posts ago. Yet another quantum state of affairs, I guess. I can't remember seeing your name anywhere. I'm flattered that you remember me.

I would love to read what's right in front of me, but like I said, it keeps changing depending on how people observe it and how you apparently want it to be perceived. You've offered a few personal insults but you haven't actually resolved the contradictions. Not to worry. I got to share the Schrodinger's cat meme, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

But why do you want to be the one to scrub the floors and pick up your man's underpants ? There is a lack of respect there .
Surely you can aim for someone equal to you
If you can earn plenty part time you can pay a cleaner.
There must be OLD sites shere you can sell yourself as a 1950s housewife if you must
But first go see a lifecoach or therapist and work out what it is you really need in your life

I'm flattered that you remember me.

Someone noting a d remembering a username on these boards is not usually an indication of anything to be flattered about; its usually the opposite.

@Fucket exactly, roles change, you are doing this now and in five years who knows how it will look?! I have experienced similar. I have sympathy for women who feel that they would just love a bit of time with the simplicity of having young kids, and maybe working part time or even not working in that period, and would love to feel that their partner can support that time. But this goal is not to be confused with a full scale return to the 1950s.

@GilbertMarkham

Exactly. Well said.

I must add my mother was incredibly bitter about having to find work when my father lost his job in the 1990s when the local mine finally closed. She blamed my dad being made redundant for ruining her life. When I was 16 She openly told my sister and I that she only married my dad because he had a good job and this meant that she wouldn’t have to work.

I can tell you I completely lost respect for her at that point. I don’t know why she was like this because even her own mother and sister worked as well as their husbands so it wasn’t exactly expected she should be the little wife at home.

I think the 1950s wife at home stereotype we often think of is really only a middle class concept. Certainly 60+ years ago in working class families wives often worked somehow or other to supplement the family income. I had one grandmother who was a cleaner and the other who worked in a factory.

Life sends you a million spanners thrown in the work of you don’t marry for love and mutual respect and a ‘I’d do anything for us/our family’ when a change of circumstances come along your relationship is on shaky ground.

r/femaledatingstrategy

@Mayorquimby2

I'm in the same boat on the other side of the river OP so I feel for you.

I'm a man trying to meet a woman with traditional values but without the archaic personality traits that go along with those traditions.

I don't see why taking on the traditional role of care giver, house keeper and general wife work also has to come with a stubborn unwillingness to also earn a decent wage and pay her way.

Much like yourself, I'm baffled by this unwillingness of these women to maintaining the traditional female roles in a relationship but to also adopt the modern parts of feminine roles which would be of benefit to me.

So you want a traditional wife AND one who works How is that fair? No woman with half a brain would accept that shit

Do you plan on breaking the traditional male role and helping round house too or is it just wifey who has to work and be housekeeper while you sit on your behind after 5 pm cos thats when the office shuts and your above wife work?

I mean how dare they not adopt the traditional female roles AND be a modern woman???
The misogyny in this thread if wasnt so scary would be hilarious.

@squeekums you might want to read a few more of Mayors posts, he was taking the pee and pointing out the ridiculousness of I want x but only the bits I like

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@squeekums you might want to read a few more of Mayors posts, he was taking the pee and pointing out the ridiculousness of I want x but only the bits I like[/quote]
I will hope so, im honestly to lazy to go read all his posts lol
If thats the case, apologies Mayorquimby2

And he assures us he does his fair share

The arrangement you're talking about is something that has to be built on over time in a relationship built on mutual respect, trust and intellectual compatibility. The roles are equal trade-off and it's incidental that it's the woman doing the "home" work and the bloke doing the providing.

Are you sure your going to get all that with a man who already thinks of you in a narrow role? Are you sure they aren't going to have very narrow views of the roles of women?

What if you want to change your mind and go out to work? He says no, what then? That wasn't what he signed up for.

FWIW, I've ended up with a "traditional" set up with a man who doesn't have those "traditional" views necessarily. It's just ended up being what works for us. I do slightly less hours and slightly more at home and do general life admin as I have the time. He has a very good job which provides a lovely life for us. Trade-off.

@BooFuckingHoo2, sounds like (and i apologise if i read it wrong) you are looking for some sort of way out. You clean and cook and look after kids whilst he brings in the money. I’m affraid this dynamic is flawed as you have no way to support yourself if something happens.
This oldfashioned way is not something to aim for. There are no such old fashioned guys. You have to live your life and make sure you are able to handle it without an ‘old fashioned gentleman’

Focus on yourself as these perfect old fashioned men don’t exist. Just look at the relatiinship or divorce board on mn. Invest in yourself.