Do old fashioned men still exist?

[BooFuckingHoo2]

Was going to NC but fuck it

I’m approaching 30 and I’ve been single for a couple of years now. I’m definitely attracted to a specific type of man, I.e. someone who’s “dominant”, has a good job and wants to play the traditional “man” role. (Also being tall and good looking helps ).

When I say traditional “man” role I mean be earning at least equal to me and be the main “provider” of the family if we were to have kids in future (I’d want to go PT). I also find it attractive when men are assertive and protective of their families and have strong morals/are chivalrous.

It seems these type of men are becoming either vanishingly rare or the ones that do exist are total dickheads! I OLD and 50% of the men I meet (and I screen them extensively first ) turn out to be very passive and (I’ll be flamed for this) want me to pay half on a first date .

Has anyone got a “traditional” DH/DP or does anyone dare to admit this is what they want?

Do these men still exist (non dick head ones) and how can I make sure I attract them?

The way I see it, OP, the only way this situation could be enviable or work out well is if the man is wealthy or at least confident of being wealthy. I don't know whether you live in London or somewhere cheaper, but for a man in his late 20s and early 30s to be confident of their ability to support a wife, future children and pay off a mortgage for a suitable property is pretty rare. At least the top 10% of earners in his age group would be the minimum. Most people only get on the property ladder in their early 30s in London. My DH would never have managed to buy our flat if I wasn't also earning.

Maybe you could narrow down your search to rich/comfortably off man and start from there. If a man isn't in that income bracket, I would question his sanity as to why he wants a non earning wife when the cost of living is so high.It might be different in the north but even so, as earnings are correspondingly lower, the same principle applies that a man has to be have a pretty good income to feel confident of his ability to provide for a family for the foreseeable future as a 30 year old.

@LolaSmiles

I don't know, it's good that you know what you want, but being able to work part time after kids with a man who loves and protects you doesn't sound strange or unusual to me. Am I missing something? Yes you're missing something: that it's perfectly possible to have a wonderful and supportive husband who is protective of his family without resorting to putting on the rose tinted glasses and wistfully longing for some idealised traditional set up where you do all the wifey house duties for your high performing, high earning husband.

Well yes, that's precisely what's puzzling me...that OP seems to think it's old fashioned, bygone era stuff. I really don't think it is. I'm not getting why she does.

Have you tried looking in the 1950s?

ShebaShimmyShake
Because she isn't just looking for a supportive husband who looks out for his family.

She wants:
A dominant man
He must have a good job, at least the same earnings as her
He must want to be a traditional man
He must be the breadwinner because she wants to work part time
This 'traditional man' role is someone who is assertive
The man's role is to protect his family
He should be chivalrous
He should pay on the first date just because that's what a good traditional man should do

The OP has said in exchange for this she's willing to do the majority of the housewife duties, cleaning, wifework and childcare and that's fine if he doesn't pull his weight because he's a big important man.

She's worrying that being a good earner (could earn £50k on 3 days and has 6 figures in a house) and independent might put off a man... But then also she wants protecting from having to do things she doesn't like, so future husband should be the one to talk to tradespeople as she doesn't like doing that.

Ultimately she's got rose tinted glasses on.

A man who is a high earner and wants a good little wifey at home to facilitate his career and keep the house nice is unlikely to want a woman who is in a senior role and who'll want to continue that.

A man who is a high earner and wants his future wife to be an equal partner is unlikely to want a woman who thinks he should pay on dates because he's a man, be assertive and dominant and expects him to swoop in on things she decides she's helpless on.

All this and 'approaching 30'.

There were some similar threads a few months ago also where an OP was successful and apparently had her own money but was obsessed with getting a nice rich man to facilitate her being part time/a SAHP. Each to their own but it's expecting a lot.

Heh, well if these boards are anything to go by, she'll have no problem finding a man who expects her to earn money while still doing all the shitwork at home.

Perhaps the earlier poster who suggested dating rich older men who got divorced precisely because their ex wives didn't like this was on to something. I suspect OP doesn't get how much having kids changes things, but to be fair, none of us do until we do it.

Incidentally, I would like to know how I can earn £50k on a three day week without being good at having difficult conversations.

Thanks all, to be honest I probably am looking at it with rose tinted glasses and I think there’s some truth in it sounding appealing but the novelty wearing off.

I’ve been seriously burnt in the past by having to support a cocklodger, so I’m probably going too far the other way now.

Heh, well if these boards are anything to go by, she'll have no problem finding a man who expects her to earn money while still doing all the shitwork at home
Haha! I agree.
Though I highly doubt the men we read about on here who expect their wives to work and do the shitwork are the traditional gentlemen/knight in shining armour/romanticised man of the past that the OP pictures in her head.

Wanting to work and do all the wife work for an assertive and dominant man is a sure way to attract a dickhead.

I'd love to know what someone in their late 20s is doing to be earning that sort of money too. Then again, I'm relatively convinced that there's lots of upward estimations regarding money on threads like this, just like there's seemingly endless people on here who have a household income of £80k but feel so poor. 🤷‍♀️

If anyone wants to know what I do they can PM me and I’ll tell them - I’m afraid it’s not very exciting

I know loads of people in their late 20s that earn 70k plus I don’t think it’s hugely unusual.

@BooFuckingHoo2

Are you dating and working and socialising in London?

I haven’t dated or lived in London for years but I found it quite competitive and shallow - it’s very easy to “feel” poor on a great salary or with a guy with a good job! Especially if they haven’t had the property ladder head start.

Tinder etc wasn’t that big when I lived there but I imagine it’s too easy now for the guys who have to just swipe on someone

So unless you’re objectively very well connected (already in quite posh rich circles, or working for a company where you can meet high flyers) or like supermodel good looking it might be hard to meet the type of guy you’re looking for?

If they haven’t settled down with their university girlfriend and are “looking to meet new women” as a successful 30 something or late twenty something professional guy they’ll literally have their pick.

I know loads of people in their late 20s that earn 70k plus confused I don’t think it’s hugely unusual
Then either you're drastically out of touch with most of the UK or being a bit goady there as I find it hard to believe anyone with the intelligence to be in a senior role that would pay £50k for 3 days work genuinely believes it's not unusual for people in their 20s to be earning £70k.

Do you work in “The City”?

It is unusual for people in their 20s to be earning 70k a year. It’s certainly pretty far from the average wage!

You could join the church of the Plymouth Brethren. They will assign you a man just like it.

@BooFuckingHoo2

I know loads of people in their late 20s that earn 70k plus I don’t think it’s hugely unusual.

Maybe they are in the same rose tinted world of yours.

I don’t work in “the” city but I work in a major city.

I think I phrased it badly, because I do know it’s definitely not the norm for people in their late 20s to earn 70k. I meant it’s not extremely rare (at least not in my industry).

Sorry, I didn’t mean to be goady, I certainly don’t think it’s usual to earn 70k in your late 20s but I would guess the majority of people know someone who does.

@Meruem

One thing I am a bit confused about with stay at home dads is that one of the big arguments used in terms of women working is they need to keep their independence, have their own finances etc, in case of divorce. But, I have also seen the scenario on here where because the man was the “primary caregiver”, in the event of a split the mum loses main custody and is the one having to pay maintenance (and you could argue the man is leaving himself vulnerable financially). Now if it came to a choice of having a marriage end where I had to start over financially, or have a marriage end where I lose my kids and have to pay to keep my ex? Well I’d rather have the kids, even if we were starting from scratch. If you both work and share care then obviously it’s different, but If your partner is a house husband aren’t you worried about that scenario? You can say you trust him but then why shouldn’t a woman trust a guy in that case?

Surely the same could be argued by a man whose wife wants to be a SAHM

Someone else already made that point and I already addressed it.

Yes, my DH is like this and I love it.

I earn a little below his wage, and I really enjoy doing the cleaning/cooking etc

DH enjoys being the 'alpha male'

It's not controlling, it's not undermining me or my worth/value, it is what works best for our family

I don't see how that isn't the worst of all possible worlds - you work and earn almost as much as him, and yet also do all the housework etc on top of it.

@Illegitiminoncarborundum

Yes, my DH is like this and I love it.

I earn a little below his wage, and I really enjoy doing the cleaning/cooking etc

DH enjoys being the 'alpha male'

It's not controlling, it's not undermining me or my worth/value, it is what works best for our family

What is so awesome about earning virtually the same as him PLUS doing all the house and childcare whilst he sits on his arse and acts MANLY

What is so awesome about earning virtually the same as him PLUS doing all the house and childcare whilst he sits on his arse and acts MANLY
Got it in one.

This thread is certainly showing me how we have so many other threads where there are man-children expecting their wives and partners to pick up their shit after a day's work whilst the man is all manly and does his golf for video games or watches the football.

Going to work is such a difficult thing for these men, in fact it's so difficult that the people they're meant to be in a partnership with should work and run the house because work and domestic chores are obviously much easier if you're of the female persuasion.

I bet some posters fall over themselves in gratitude if their DH washes the dishes or picks the hoover up occasionally, and he probably 'helps' with his children.

Exactly quite a few females tell me how great it is that DH puts his kids to bed or takes them to swimming lessons.

F k that. they are his kids too.

We are equals, in everything.

I can't see James Bond or Indiana Jones being defeated by a washing machine.

I'm not sure why people feel the need to be so utterly confused about the fact someone else can live their life differently

Just because it isn't what works for you, it doesn't mean it doesn't work for everyone.

I love the set up my husband and I have.

There is no need to be rude and judgemental about it.