I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

[dublingirl66]

Ah poor you

If you don't call police
The idiot is less likely to demand contact? Then less likely to take you to court??
This went through my head after I fled

I went to the police eventually
Wasn't going to but he harassed my family and friends and was left with no choice

You sound so strong
Do not give in to to them
Bloody cheek 🙄😳😳

[Vodkacranberryplease]

OK now you do need to block them all. And think about where you can live after the financial settlement of the divorce thats close enough to your Mum but as far away from them as possible.

But right now you need to block & shut down some accounts & take yourself out of their reach. Hes not on your childs birth certificate & you can probably keep him away, but you must get proper legal advice.

And see a solicitor to divide up the marital assets - of which you are entitled to 50%

For gods sake dont let them near your DC - they will try to kidnap her.

[thesunwillout]

Right now I think you should block and delete his mother.
This will only drag on and on for days, months, who knows.

You don't need that association at all.
She's not to be trusted.

You've done so well, just delete her.

[despairingandunhappy]

Thankfully we’re not married haha

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

If you let her have DS for the night I don't think you'll ever see him again. Honestly. First she slips up and you see her saying 'don't tell her what we've said' and then she's asking for DS overnight. Wow, she's so clever. We'll never figure her out

[despairingandunhappy]

I’ve said to her whilst I’ve got a hole in my arse she is not having my son. End of.

Well I read the messages that caused the “delete these messages in case she sees them” and they were literally her and him blaming me 😂 pair of fuckin idiots I’d love to give them both a good slap

[Vodkacranberryplease]

So in that case OP is the plan just to walk away from any money/settlement & block him from any contact/not get child support?

Maybe check if that leaves you vulnerable eg if the pig takes you to court & you have no solicitor & no money for one then what? You would be entitled to a financial settlement though I guess the house, mortgages etc is all in his name?

[despairingandunhappy]

No financial settlement if it’s a breakup, we rented so no issue with mortgage. I could take him to small claims court for all the fucking ££ hes had off me but I wouldnt do

And the only time he could take me to court is access to DS, but he’s not on the birth cert so bonne chance to him with that one

[Youngatheart00]

How did you read the messages? Make sure you screenshot stuff. The two of them are not to be trusted, it’s you and your boy you’ve got to look after, no bullshit.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

You could play 'safari' (a game played with Nigerian fraudsters where they get them to run around Africa going to various meetings that dont happen). Tell her youll meet her on her own in x spot. Dont go & then tell her 'I was there where were you? I had no money to get there'

Or just block her. Keep a screenshot of their shitty messages though

[despairingandunhappy]

I’ve turned her notifications off now so don’t have to read her constant bullshit, she told me to have a nice day yesterday as well hahahah. My mums been on heroin and crack for 28 years and even she makes more sense

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Ok there you go. Its bye bye to them then. Deny all links to them (tell them hes not his son), & off they pop. Ha. Not a fucking lot they can do.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Your Mum is the weakest link here. You could get home & find the pig & his Mum sitting in your Mums kitchen.

Unless you have other ties it might be a good idea to move out of the area?

[despairingandunhappy]

No my mums been fully informed of literally everything and despite being dubious she’s said she’ll track him down and bite his nose off so I think she’s serious hahaha

[Whatabambam]

You are absolutely right to be angry with him, the MIL, his family and your mother. Above all, I should imagine that you are probably starting to feel angry with yourself and the decisions that you made but you must treat yourself with kindness. You were the victim of abuse and coercive control and any decisions that you made then would have been taken whilst living in fear of violence. It also sounds like you have had a very dysfunctional childhood and haven't been able to understand what healthy relationships look like. However, what I do hear very clearly is that you are beginning to see all of these things and you are a survivor who is now desperate to avoid the same damage happening to your DS. I think you have all the hallmarks of someone who is going to take charge and triumph. Don't allow yourself to become entangled in his family as they sound dysfunctional, toxic and manipulative. You need to follow your own instincts. The very same ones that have led you to safety and to reflect on your life. Good luck

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

How did you manage to see all of the messages? Not being nosy, it's relevant to what I'm thinking!

[despairingandunhappy]

I took my tablet from the flat and he’d left all his shit on it haha

[NotaCoolMum]

@despairingandunhappy I’ve just read this entire thread and I wanted to tell you that I think you’re INCREDIBLY brave and absolutely AMAZING and strong to get out of that vile relationship!! Who the hell does the bastard think he is?! What a vile creature!! I wish you and DS nothing but happiness and love going forward. 💐💐💐

[dublingirl66]

You are amazing

Do not worry
Freedom lies ahead of you !!!

[gottastopeatingchocolate]

OP, you are doing so well, and I don't want to bring you down, but I want you to be aware that people saying he can't do anything because he's not on the birth certificate might be lulling you into a false sense of security.

In reality, he can apply to family court for contact, and demand a paternity test to prove he is the baby's biological father. I have heard of cases where the father has then had it ordered via Family Court that the child's birth certificate be amended. If eh falls in with an organisation like Fathers for Justice or Families Need Fathers (and many abusers do) they will support him to continue his abuse via family court. (Of course, he will package it that he is the victim, just fighting for a relationship with his child).

If I could advise you one thing now, it is think very carefully about where you want to live, and move as soon as you can. My abusive ex ran to the court to get a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent me leaving the county, and it was too late for me.

Take all the help and support that you can from people who understand domestic abuse. I wish you well for the future.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@gottastopeatingchocolate that's great advice. TBH I wasn't sure and it's good to have it confirmed.

OP move far away while you can. Otherwise this pig and his mother will be in your life forever.

[despairingandunhappy]

@gottastopeatingchocolate oh don’t worry I know what he can do, I just think for his own sake he shouldn’t go down those routes, I can’t see a family court reacting well to All this abuse!

(And i too have to stop eating chocolate, but am not gonna)

[footprintsintheslow]

Any news on getting rehomed and how far away you could go?

[despairingandunhappy]

My IDVA was supposed to call today but she hasn’t, she did tell me she has a lot of high risk and severe cases on at the moment so I’m not too fussed, Ive made friends here and I’m enjoying the adult company

[Vodkacranberryplease]

That's great! Must be nice to have people yo talk to, i remember you saying how it would be nice even just to have a cup of tea with someone. Really happy for you