I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

[stretchedmarks]

Does he finance the food shop? If he doesn't check reciepts, you could always get cashback each time of 10/20 quid and then stow it away in a savings account he doesn't know about. Create a savings pot which will make it easier when you are ready to leave.

Also, I'm not sure if you're on maternity leave or a SAHM, but if you are a SAHM does he allow you to leave the home to visit a friend or family without baby? Could you try and get even 8 hours a week in a shop or somewhere under the guise of going out? That wage could also go into the savings pot. It isn't a lot, but it is something.

[ChrisPrattsFace]

I’m not much of a LTB poster but seriously leave. You’re not better off dead and you know that, rage your child and go.

[VodselForDinner]

I’d rather be fucking dead

I’d rather be fucking single.

[Gazelda]

Call women's aid or speak to your HV tomorrow and ask for a food bank referral and some support to separate (financial, accom, etc).

[mummyofgirls123]

You really need to seek help.! Don't do anything silly, there's a lot of ways to get out this relationship instead of harming yourself op.. Ring women's aid and they'll be able to guide you and what to do

[TimelyManor]

Another one saying please contact Women's Aid, they really can help you, OP. Where will being dead leave your little one? With that abusive shit. Please call them, you can be so much safer and happier.

[LovingLola]

Family are unable to help.
Do they know the situation you are in?

[DishingOutDone]

This is the number for the St Vincent de Paul society - its basically church welfare, you don't have to be involved in any church to benefit. They give crisis help on the spot if you can get to one of their regional branches - things like food, nappies, clothing and signposting etc., - they'll be open in the morning: 0207 703 3030

www.svp.org.uk/contact-us

Then call women's aid and get away from him.

[Ryah76]

Please take the advice of previous posters. You are existing, and you and your child deserve so much better. The only place you can go from where you are, is up, and by posting on here you have taken your first step towards freeing yourself from this man. Take the next step. Contact Women’ Aid. You can do this.

[Couchbettato]

I've never been in an abusive situation like this, but I have been in debt.

By debt I mean, 5k into my overdraft. Loans up to my eyeballs. Credit card balances. Unfortunately they were needed so we could survive.

If you do have an overdraft etc. I suggest using it and getting away from this man.

Then with the financial advice of a debt charity (I used stepchange), working out the best plan for your debt.

They can contact your creditors and offer them a reasonable sum, work out an IVA with you, or advise you about bankruptcy which really isn't as scary as it sounds and there's a lot of information on their website about that.

Unfortunately sometimes we have to get into debt to keep on living, but you should keep on living and get away from this horrible person.

[Itsjustabitofbanter]

Op you need to tell people what’s happening to you. You don’t need to live like this, there’s all the help in the world out there for you. Do you feel strong enough to leave? If you tell us what area you’re in we can help with food and stuff

[PinkiOcelot]

OP you say my house. Did he move in with you? If so, please kick him out. If you were alone on benefits, you’d surely have more money to enable you to actually buy food.

Someone above mentioned entitledto website. Please go on this and see just what you would be able to claim.

He sounds awful OP. He’s buying designer clothes, takeaways and spending money on his car whilst you’re struggling. Get rid of him. You’d be much better off, not only financially!!

[LazyDaisy22]

I’m glad you’re angry OP because hopefully that anger will give you the strength you need to leave. You and your lovely baby deserve so much more than this.

[despairingandunhappy]

It’s both our house. I’m on universal credit until later this year when I can go back to work. He has a wage as well as the £500 a month he takes off me. He runs a car, buys himself clothes and goes out with mates with my money as well.

[rvby]

@despairingandunhappy

It’s both our house. I’m on universal credit until later this year when I can go back to work. He has a wage as well as the £500 a month he takes off me. He runs a car, buys himself clothes and goes out with mates with my money as well.

Can you stop giving him the 500 quid? What's the worst that could happen?

[ClementineWoolysocks]

He's stealing your benefits, talk to the police and the benefits agency.

[Whiskyinajar]

OP we are on UC at the moment and my DH is useless with money. It goes in my account and I pay all the bills out of it. I certainly do t give any to DH who I adore and who is lovely ...he is just crap with money.

We don have a. Good and equal relationship though. He doesn’t ask for money....he’s just happy the bills are paid while his work is slow (due to COVID).

Please contact WA today....they will signpost you to a food bank if necessary.

Then get out if you can. Is the house rented or is it owned?

[despairingandunhappy]

The food bank wouldnt honour my last voucher and essentially accused me of abusing the sustem

[despairingandunhappy]

I’ve been using food banks since last year. And I’ve had to use them quite a lot. And clothing banks.

[despairingandunhappy]

I’m so fed up. I’m waiting to see if I can be put into a refuge a few miles away. I just don’t want my life to come to this. I’ve got nothing and no one and I honestly don’t want to wake up in the morning. This isn’t a life it’s an existence

[Sexnotgender]

@despairingandunhappy

I’m so fed up. I’m waiting to see if I can be put into a refuge a few miles away. I just don’t want my life to come to this. I’ve got nothing and no one and I honestly don’t want to wake up in the morning. This isn’t a life it’s an existence

You’re right, it is an existence right now. But it’s not going to get any better while you’re living with this abuser.

[SerenityNowwwww]

All things pass - you have to believe this. Change what you can in life - and you can’t change his behaviour.

[MadameTuffington]

Leave - you will be better off financially and emotionally if you do.

Call Women’s Aid and get advice from the Citizens’ Advice Bureau or your local authority about housing as a private rent may or may not be more expensive than what you’re living in now and you need to know exactly what your options are. Don’t rush, bide your time then go.

I’m sure once you are back on your feet (place to live, job when your dc is older), you will be independent of bullshit like this and better off. You will look back and be so happy that you did it.

Do it xxx

[despairingandunhappy]

I won’t get another private rented. He’s destroyed my credit.

[Apolloanddaphne]

You need to work out a plan to get out. Do you have family or friends who will support you?