I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

He’s not the one in a fuckin refuge with a big fat black eye and a cut eyebrow. What a complete sham of pigs

@despairingandunhappy

There’s also a message delivered to me by accident saying “*** delete these messages sweetheart in case she sees them” as though I’m somehow a threat to her fucking 6’3 weightlifting son who has taken everything from me except my son.

That made me feel uneasy. Please keep that message. I don't know what kinds of things they would be saying that they wouldn't want you to see. Is it possible they're making plans to get access to DS? I'm very sorry I don't want to worry you at all, I just always am thinking fifty steps ahead. Hopefully it's just baseless insults and pathetic lies, those won't affect you at all xx

I think it’s amazing you have found the courage to go, I hope neither he nor his family ever see you or your ds ever again. If my son had done that to anyone, let alone the mother of his child, he wouldn’t know what hit him. They all sound toxic and I wouldn’t trust any one of them with my child. I’d be wary that they will tell you what they think you want to hear. Hope you get far, far away from them all.

Also, be angry! Let it all out. Every single thing.

I already saw the messages that’s the think she’s a fucking thick cunt 😂 the messages are saying how proud she is of him, how the environment was toxic for us all, then she sent me one after I got my shiner asking if I’m okay, she kept ringing me but I ignored it cos telling his family is pointless they’re so two faced and they’ll defend everything he does. I’ve said before his mums an enabler and even then he starts moping saying she’s a nice lady, she wouldn’t like it done to her would she.

i'm so pleased you're out OP, but very sorry about your lack of family/friends to support you write his mother off, she won't support you or agree with you it's pointless trying. if she did he'd probably punch her as well. he's probably told her a pack of lies. just leave them to get i with it and keep your son away from them.

it sounds like you're just going to have to do this all on your own, but from what you've written i feel like you're going to be fine, you're clearly a strong woman and you've now got support from the agencies.

I thought there was something off about his mum anyway she lets him speak to her like shit and she’s allowed him to start on me in front of her and says nothing. He’s never hit me in front of her tho she’d probably make sure I’ve not got any selfish blood on his delicate hands.

There was something a few weeks ago that didn’t sit right and it’s literally in my head now, DS babbles - mama, dada, baba, gogogog, whenever he babbles mama to Pigs mum she’ll try get him to say dada. Is that weird.

They are a very dysfunctional family @despairingandunhappy and are tip toeing around their abusive shit of a son. Shame on them.
@upupandaway87 you’re very kind offering help with buying food, which is something most people take for granted. So glad your situation has changed for the better and OP is on the same path to freedom 🌷

I’m crying with anger and frustration. I want to scream

I think anger and rage are all natural here. You'll go on a rollercoaster of emotions in the coming days and weeks. But remember you are never alone with mumsnet.

You need to feel pride at your achievements. You've escaped the bastard and have your whole future ahead of you.

Your life is only going to get better from here on. I really hope they house you a long way away and you and your little boy can start afresh.

Anger is good OP it will keep you strong. You don't need any of them. I literally can't stop checking this thread to make sure you're still going, you're amazing x

I literally feel like going to his mums punching her and taking everything she has, not out of malice but to see if she’d be the victim then, or would it be me. Pig has cried mental health to her. Unsurprisingly I have become very depressed and down recently. His mum obviously needs to protect her prince

Her prince. OP that's exactly what he is. Mums stand by murderers - it doesn't matter what he does his family will always stick by him.

But you never have to see or hear from them again. Don't cut contact/block them just yet though. You want proof of the batshit things they say for the courts. Give them all enough rope and let them gang themselves. Keep evidence of everything, then you will have grounds to stipulate that your child have no contact with them, and it will be ordered by the court.

Now that will be revenge. Eyes on the prize. You are going to fuck them up big time.

So well done op! Don’t let him or any of his family know where you are (I know you won’t). Just despicable to support a family member hitting and abusing his partner.

Hope you are doing ok OP, everyday you wake up is another day further away from your relationship with him.
Keep going!

DS slept until 9 so I’m great full for the sleep.

Ex isn’t on the birth certificate anyway so probably easier than anything

You are doing brilliantly. Keep going - you are an amazing mum xx

Keep your head up. So glad to read that you managed to get out. Going into a refugee was the best thing for us when I was a child. At the age of 13, I went from A&E to another family member's home and then into a refuge a week later 💐

Wow. So unless he does a dna test you can just cut him out completely. That's fucking brilliant. Does he know he's not?

Ok do you are entitled to a settlement from the time you were together and a solicitor will advise. But not having him in your life or your DC lives is HUGE. You can move literally anywhere and he can't do a thing about it. Obviously outside of the settlement you won't get a penny from him but you wouldn't anyway.

Actually she could still go through the cms if the father isn't on the birth certificate I did with my son
It's just if he starts denying he's the farther then he has to basically prove he isn't with a DNA

Yes but if she doesn't go through cms then she has no obligation to him, no way for him to control her life - she can move to the other end of the country and there's little he can do.

Would I want to stay connected to such a abusive man and his family for the sake of fuck all money? Hell no.

I mean I could be wrong but currently it seems like she can just tell the whole lot of them to fuck off,

Absolutely doesnt need to be on the birth certificate! Put your claim in now as it does take time

100% agree with @Vodkacranberryplease . Don't chase any kind of money from him, it's not worth the trade off. Without him on the birth certificate YOU ARE FREE!! 🎉 I'm not entirely sure he can even force a DNA test for DS without your consent. You will get benefits and you'll be able to work. You can move to the other side of the world from him and he can do shit about it. Sometimes child maintenance is important but in this case it's not worth a penny. I'm so happy for you