I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

Thank you xxx and @ShalomToYouJackie “something smells nice” couldn’t resist!

Lovely bit of squirrel

@despairingandunhappy they may call early intervention SS. When that happened to me I was so scared that it meant I was close to having DCs taken away. In actual fact they weren't lying when they tried to reassure me that it was nothing to do with my parenting and that there was no risk of that happening.

Honestly, they could turn out to be your best friends. They will note everything your ex says to you. They will tell you and him that he is not to have contact with DS. They'll be on your side, they won't charge in to take away your son. Tell them EVERYTHING. Please don't worry. You're a good mother and if we can see it then they'll have no doubt xx

Use all the available resources- that’s what they are there for. I’ve seen posters in my town, in public places- about domestic violence. It gives a web address and phone number.
Clearly domestic violence is an increasing problem, especially with the pandemic.
Call all your utility companies when you get a few spare hours and tell them you’ve moved out due to domestic abuse.
The advisors should atleast freeze payments or come up with a solution.
Maybe block his mum or his family from texting you. You don’t need these vile people in your life either, they already know what he’s like and expect you to go back?..
WTF?

Well done 💐

I hear you

But they help many in these situations

Also it is another agency that can help if this goes to court
Another agency involved to help an abused mother fleeing with her child
They def helped me in many ways

A word on SS and Cafcass, particularly SS. They are power crazed and so the way you behave with them is CRUCIAL. You have to agree with everything they say and be seen to be co operative and acting in the best interests of your DC. There will be buzzwords they like - you have to act like you are very happy for your ex to have access that your concern is only for yourself and you would be very happy for him to have supervised contact. Never say MY DC say OUR.

Get all of your allegations against the ex validated. Get proof. Press charges. Be friendly to SS and very very polite. Never show any anger in front of them.

@Vodkacranberryplease I need to respectfully disagree with some of what you've said... I really don't believe that SS would be happy with hearing that a mother would be comfortable with DS having any kind of visitation with a violently abusive man. They would of course expect you to cooperate with their suggestions but I don't think it's a good idea for OP to suggest that she would be happy with this, when a) she wouldn't be and b) it's actually so dangerous for DC. However I'm sorry as it sounds like you've had some awful experiences yourself x

SS did an assessment on me because I had depression when my son was born but it was closed in a week. From that experience I am inclined to agree with @Vodkacranberryplease about having to do everything they want, I can’t fucking stand them. However my IDVA said they probably will just close it straight away if she does ring them. I’m hoping she isn’t.

When I fled, the police made referrals to SS and housing as a matter of procedure, as they have a multi-agency approach to DA. SS called me to check we were OK and weren't going back, then confirmed NFA.

Op message me please

Op what Tesco or super market do you live close to and can easy access? I literally can't believe what I have been reading . I know you never know who you are talking to online but what I'm thinking of doing and hoping if other people on here can do as well even if it's just 50 p or a pound it all adds up . We can sort it out on here and find out from op what her nearest store is . Contact the store and transfer them money for items she needs . She can phone the store and give them her name so they know her . We can say she's won a prize so she doesn't feel akward and she can go collect ? Does this sound like a good idea? Iv set up so many food parcels where I live for people . I wish I was closer to you op x

@upupandaway87 I don't think the OP needs any money or shopping.

Don’t want anything at all thank you though, please don’t be so quick to offer help online tho you could get scammed! X

@upupandaway87 that's very kind but from what I've read so far OP is now okay for food and money for the time being. However, there is a way of creating a wish list on Amazon for food items that could be sent directly to OP should she need anything and sometimes that's a good way to arrange things like that x

OP I sound cynical re SS and I am BUT you must never show them it. Be really polite and say things like 'yes I think you are right' and 'that's a very good point' and 'I'll definitely take that on board' along with ones like 'what do you think my best move would be' (probably wont get a meaningful answer but still). Be super co operative because their problem is with people they think aren't helping themselves.

You are not a nutter, or alcoholic, or on drugs, or neglecting your children. So you will be fine as long as you never let your feelings towards them show. They think of themselves as Saving The World and always right. I've known a few (in a social capacity) and they are sanctimonious AF.

But equally they are over worked, under paid, and dealing with the very worst of humanity. If they see you as someone they can help and who respects them you will get a very different outcome than if you get angry.

They may be able to make some valuable referrals too, maybe to various forms of counselling, or benefits of pull strings re housing. So a bit of very subtle flattery will go a long way hopefully. VERY subtle though. And you'll need to ignore their shitty questions (as in ignore the tone) until they decide you are Worth Helping.

Hi OP

I too live in Tameside, Manchester.

If you need anything, or help, please tag me on here and I will send you a private message with my contact details.

If you feel you have nowhere to turn then please, you can turn to me.

I hope you realise that you're worth so much more than you were made to believe, OP. I'm so glad you're in a position where you're finally fed and comfortable but please always remember that everybody here cares and wants good things for you. And of course your beautiful DS. You might have days where you start to doubt things (I hope not but I know it happens) so remember that everybody here knows you've done the right thing and however we can help, we will.

Agree with a lot on here
And so humbled by all the kind offers !!

Love this site

Do not worry about S S

You will be viewed as a brave mum helping her family

He should not be left unsupervised
No way

How dare he

Sorry to hear all of this xxxx

If you do need anything in future just please comment on here and I will see it . I literally can't cope with the fact people are let to go hungry these days 😌. Iv been with out nothing too op when I left my abusive ex with my 3 year old little girl . I had morning . I remember not even having enough money for a toothbrush and making food what my daughter didn't even like neither did I but it was the only ingredients we had left in the cupboard. And now I'm in a totally different situation. This can and will be you ❤️ x

Way to go op

I’m so confused with it all, how aren’t his family annoyed, his mums a two faced cunt as well saying she’s proud of him, proud of him for want assaulting me or taking my money. Fucking idiot I’ve just completely snapped, months of anger against those degenerates. I’m changing my sons surname on Monday. I don’t even want him having anything related to them and I’ve put a text in the WhatsApp group stating they can see my son once they’ve recognised domestic violence is wrong. Absolute fuckin idiots. Can u tell I’m fuming 😂

Anger is good. Snd you know what? You are RIGHT. What the fuck is wrong with them. Get a non molestation order against him and even them if they are a threat - and move away. You need a fresh start far away from that bunch of arseholes.

I’ve been civil to his mum and just told her I’m not letting any of them fuck my sons head up. Absolutely fucking no chance. Cos I would defend the girl if my son had hit her. Which won’t ever happen. I need a cigarette or fuckin 30

There’s also a message delivered to me by accident saying
“* delete these messages sweetheart in case she sees them” as though I’m somehow a threat to her fucking 6’3 weightlifting son who has taken everything from me except my son.