My partner thinks I've been unreasonable.... please give me opinions

[Gemlouiski]

Okay people, I really need to ask some other peoples opinions on a situation I'm in at the moment.

I have 2 little boys. 4 and 8. They are my life. I'd do anything for them. I have a partner, who is not their father (they have a good relationship with their real dad) my partner has always been very good with my boys, he has no children of his own but has apparently always wanted a family. 3 months ago my partner and I decided to take advantage of the lockdown situation and as my children were not having to attend school... we decided to do a trial move in 'holiday's to give us all the chance to see how we got along living together before making the huge decision to permanently move in together. My partner owns a house but its 45 minute away from my home town and my boys school so the only reason this was even possible was due to lockdown/ summer holidays. Anyway... 5 weeks ago I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. Although it was unplanned... for the first week we were literally ecstatic. But then suddenly the topic of buying a house came to the forefront. I had always been very clear to my partner that I did want to move my boys from their school. My eldest had already moved schools once after a traumatic start in a bad school. He was finally settled and happy and had a good group of friends. Naturally my feelings on this hadnt changed. Add to that that I had just started a fantastic new job with great career opportunities and that I had childcare which enabled me to work sorted that was specific to my area (provided by local family) I expressed that I thought it was best for us all as a family to look to move to and area local enough to my job and my childrens school. (My partner works from home so his job is not affected by location)....my area is more expensive but after receiving a joint mortgage quote we realised we would just about be able to afford something nice and big enough in my home town which was a pleasant surprise. However now the trouble started. To cut a very long story short... my partner and his family (mum and step dad).... felt I was being unfair expecting my partner to sell his house so we could buy closer to my home town. They felt I was showing no willingness to compromise and consider what he wanted. I had previously researched the local schools in his area and was told they are so full that I couldnt get a place for my two boys at the same school even !! Let alone the fact that moving would have meant having to leave my job. And give up any childcare that enabled me to work. I explained I didnt feel this was fair on me or my children... but alas we couldnt agree. The result....

I've now been dumped and told to terminate the pregnancy on the grounds that he isnt the right man for me as he cannot give me everything I need. Also all the arguments over the last couple of weeks regarding this subject have made him feel differently towards me and doubt we could be happy long term. I'm devestated. I'd never personally want to undergo a termination but... I simple cannot cope alone with 3. It wouldnt be fair to my boys if I brought another little human into the mix without the support of a partner. The problem I have is... I'm a hormonal mess.... and after many exhausting arguments and being told repeatedly by my partner and his family that in being unreasonable my question is.... am I?

Brutal answers please. I want to know if I've been an asshole

Are there other options like him letting out his house and renting with you and family? Could you pick a place that is between the 2 locations?

I hope you can get counselling if you need it. There is the option of adoption as well. Wishing you all the best. It sounds like a very difficult position.

He’s a dick!
I can also see how it looks to his parents but he’s nearly 40 years old! By now he should be able to research/call a solicitor to confirm how to protect his money. Realise you’re not married, even if you were married you still wouldn’t have rights to half his deposit until you’ve been married 10 years (I think).
Is he going to have to narrow down his search for a girlfriend to one that wants to live near him and his parents, has no DC to prioritise and has 100k spare to prove she isn’t a gold digger.

As for your 3k savings, when you’re a single mother that’s not savings, more of a safety net. What if you had to leave your rented house and find somewhere else before you got the deposit back? You’d need that money. Also if you needed to take unpaid leave to look after the children or something.

If his parents were that bothered, they'd have done a better job of teaching him about the facts of life and contraception.

They'll also have noticed that OP has two DC and, were they decent people, agree with the importance of prioritising those children's security.

I hate to say this but I wonder if, in your overarching desire to be wholly fair and reasonable, you have overlooked your own needs as well as red flags in the course of the relationship, before even the question of a house move arose that has triggered this fallout.

You are in such a fortunate position, with your kids happy and settled in school, great career prospects, childcare sorted, a home, that to risk that for someone who frankly seems at best immature, would be utter madness and devastating for your 2 children who are still so young.

In your shoes, I'd book a termination this minute and bin this guy off. Even if the two of you cobble together a way to work out the logistics, I cannot see this ending well and whilst everyone would suffer it would be your two young children bearing the brunt of it. YADNBU.

I have 2 little boys. 4 and 8. They are my life. I'd do anything for them.

This is the first thing you say. So I think you should get the termination. Prioritize your existing children and their happiness. And then cut this man and his parents and their drama out of your lives.