Yet another date that went nowhere.

[UnaCorda]

Aaargh. Had OLD #7,023 yesterday. I liked him. Of course he's not been in touch. He's not going to contact me, is he?

So fed up of this. I've been single forever. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Most people I know didn't even have to resort to OLD, and most of those who did seem to have got together with the first person they met.

I don't want to be alone forever. It sucks.

Go with it OP

Don't get too disheartened if he doesn't contact you but if he does and you want to chat, go for it.

It's very early days.

@FirelighterGirl

"N.B. Please don't suggest therapy - been there, done that, got the whole damn wardrobe"

This made me smile 😊

Yeah, would have made me smile too if I hadn't wasted over a decade of my life on it...!

Update: We're meeting tomorrow for our second date. His suggestion.

Great! I’ve not done OLD, but was reading all what everyone was saying. My question to you was, why can’t you say to him what you want? In an upfront way? Eg, I’d like another date, I need to know if you’re interested or not. But in a nicer way somehow. It all seems very passive from the woman’s point of view. Rather than saying, this is what I want, take it or leave it. Hope your date goes well.

Fingers crossed. He is definitely interested

@ThickFast

Great! I’ve not done OLD, but was reading all what everyone was saying. My question to you was, why can’t you say to him what you want? In an upfront way? Eg, I’d like another date, I need to know if you’re interested or not. But in a nicer way somehow. It all seems very passive from the woman’s point of view. Rather than saying, this is what I want, take it or leave it. Hope your date goes well.

I suppose, rightly or wrongly, in order to feel he's interested I'd like him to initiate contact/dates, etc. Not all contact, or all dates, obviously, but enough. I don't really want to be passive, but men do seem to be quite active if they're interested but they can't be if you take away the opportunity, if that makes sense.

That kind of makes sense. But depressing if that’s the way it has to be. It seems so gender divided. I’ve heard lots of stories of ghosting and all sorts which sound awful and humiliating. I was last single 7 years ago and I don’t think OLD was quite such a big thing as it is now. So I didn’t ever try it.

Hope the date goes well OP: I havent OLD for ages but when I did I used to get myself tangled into knots of anxiety about all of this stuff too- is he interested? why hasnt he texted? Is he keen? it was exhausting! OLD only ever went well for me when I managed to have a 'light touch' and t
aporoach it in a relaxed way, but most of the tine I found it tiring and dispiriting! the book 'Attached' is good for understanding anxious attachment style, definitely worth a read.. the main take home for me was that if you tend towards an anxious attachment style then you will do best dating someone securely attached (reliable, responsive) and try not to date men with an Avoidant attachment style ... easier said than done though!

Good luck op

How did your date go OP?

Thanks. We had a lovely afternoon and talked for hours. We found out more about each other and he suggested meeting next week for food.

@UnaCorda

Thanks. We had a lovely afternoon and talked for hours. We found out more about each other and he suggested meeting next week for food.

See good things can happen. Don't put your eggs all in one basket atm, just go with the flow and enjoy it for however long it lasts. Good luck.

He may be insecure too and unsure if you liked him!! Just message him!

@huuunderickssss

He may be insecure too and unsure if you liked him!! Just message him!

Have you only read the OP?

Well yeah ... I don't have time to read whole threads .

That sounds like a lovely date OP, hope you are feeling better about it all.

@huuunderickssss

Well yeah ... I don't have time to read whole threads .

Ok, but chances are things are going to have moved on one way or another after a week...

@shivermetimbers77

That sounds like a lovely date OP, hope you are feeling better about it all.

Much more positive, thanks. But trying to stay calm and not get carried away!

@huuunderickssss you can just read the OPs updates you know by using the funnel button at the top. Or you know - read the last two posts where OP said she went in a date

Thank you for that info ... I didn't know about the funnel! ..
Either way I'm glad you went on another date .

Good luck with your next date, OP. I have done much OLD in the past and I think he’s just taking his time which is actually quite refreshing in this day and age. It’s clear he likes you and he may be just wanting to take it slowly to see if it has ‘legs’. Also, if he has daughters he will be very much involved in their lives and, as I know from experience, they will take up a lot of his time! For what it’s worth I met my now DH through online dating at the grand age of 51! I’d decided it was going to be my last attempt at dating online and he was the first and last man I spoke to, on a new site I’d never tried before. We moved in together 9 months later, joined our families, and have now been married for 4 years!

Good luck

@Inadays - that's an encouraging OLD story! Would it be OK to say which site you used?

Yes of course, @dafodilsunflower. It was eHarmony. My DH had never done OLD before (been married a long time!) and just picked it out of a hat, I think. I was an OLD veteran, having managed three successful-ish relationships through Guardian Soulmates over the years. I thought I'd try a different site and...bingo! To be fair though, at the time there weren't many men AT ALL on the site who floated my boat. I was just lucky. I would also say that Guardian Soulmates had some very nice men on it over the years!

Sorry if that was confusing - a different username for a different device at home!

@huuunderickssss

Well yeah ... I don't have time to read whole threads .

Don't post then!