Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Yet another date that went nowhere.

201 replies

UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 19:40

Aaargh. Had OLD #7,023 yesterday. I liked him. Of course he's not been in touch. He's not going to contact me, is he?

So fed up of this. I've been single forever. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Most people I know didn't even have to resort to OLD, and most of those who did seem to have got together with the first person they met.

I don't want to be alone forever. It sucks.

OP posts:
FirelighterGirl · 03/08/2020 21:37

You need to put yourself out there.

If you enjoyed it, tell him. If you want to see him again, tell him.

If he doesn't reply you will know. If he replies and says no thanks you will know.
He might reply and say he so glad to hear from you....

Wtf is the point of dating otherwise!?!

He might feel like you and be waiting and worried. He might be saying to his mates that you "obviously aren't interested"

Why is us up to the the man to make the first contact ?

Would you really want a man to be the initiator in a relationship?

Be authentic here and take some control !

Who knows what's happened in the interim...he might have been taken ill/ death in family etc.

FirelighterGirl · 03/08/2020 21:38

All this waiting around and game playing is nuts !

FineWithWine · 03/08/2020 21:41

I feel your pain! Currently in the same situation (albeit date number 2 with same guy), I messaged first after the date last night and well.... he hasn’t messaged today. Can’t stop checking his last online on WhatsApp and wondering! Shame as I really liked him

FirelighterGirl · 03/08/2020 21:44

Ps. I am in your shoes, been single for ages and ages, do OLD a lot. I'm not a 'snug married' shouting advice from behind the safety glass.

It's fucking hard work but don't make it harder for yourself.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 03/08/2020 21:45

Do NOT text him. Yes it's the 21st century, equality, feminism blah blah blah blaaaaaaah. But some things should stay traditional and that is just the way it is. If he's interested he will get in touch of his own accord. If he let's you down gently he's done the decent thing. If he ghosts you - fuck him.

sundreamsx · 03/08/2020 21:50

I always send a generic text after a first date saying something like “thanks for tonight, I had fun” a) because it’s good manners in my opinion and b) I found that when you tell a guy you enjoyed their company there’s less nervousness of messaging again.

No need to wait for a man to text first, it’s 2020. Then again I’m single so what do I know Grin

writergirl007 · 03/08/2020 21:52

Well at least your date turned up.

I got stood up by a tinder date last night.

As in I was in the pre-arranged pub and had bought a drink. I text him to see where he was, no answer so I tried to call. Eventually got a WA saying "sorry got stuck here, will make it up to you". No explanation - couple more texts saying "sorry I'll make it up to you".

I called him a dickhead and blocked.

F*!king men.

writergirl007 · 03/08/2020 21:53

I'd text the guy if I were you: " That was fun. Let me know if you fancy doing something again"

Mangofandangoo · 03/08/2020 21:56

@OnyourOwn

its only been a day. I wouldn't expect someone to contact me for a few days after a date I completely disagree! Sorry.

When a bloke is keen they message asap.

Agreed!
vixxo · 03/08/2020 21:57

Honestly don't message him. It's OLD - if he doesn't get in touch then he's not that interested. It is that simple.

LucyLocketsPocket · 03/08/2020 22:06

Agree that he would message if he was keen. Sorry OP. I'm in the same boat here.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 22:12

@writergirl007

Well at least your date turned up.

I got stood up by a tinder date last night.

As in I was in the pre-arranged pub and had bought a drink. I text him to see where he was, no answer so I tried to call. Eventually got a WA saying "sorry got stuck here, will make it up to you". No explanation - couple more texts saying "sorry I'll make it up to you".

I called him a dickhead and blocked.

F*!king men.

And he didn't offer this information before you had to chase him? What a wanker.
OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 03/08/2020 22:22

Well even though I knew the people saying, "If he was interested he'd have been in touch," were probably right, I sent him a very short message.

I saw him come online briefly, but he hasn't replied and is pretending not to have read it.

I give up. Really. I'm done. Angry

OP posts:
PartyCat · 03/08/2020 22:37

I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing - sometimes they want to think about what to say back properly so it will not be marked as read until they have thought about and are replying (I had someone like that). I think if he had no intention of replying he would have just marked as read and moved on. Fingers crossed!

FirelighterGirl · 03/08/2020 22:57

He might still reply. But if that's it, then you know and can draw a line under it.

It's shite though, I totally get your frustrations in this regard.

Look after yourself

Raidblunner · 03/08/2020 23:00

I did O.L.D for a couple of years and had a lot of dates. Its always that politeness at the end, I'll call you or they might offer to buy next time. I think it's only fair to contact the other person by the next day. Sometimes you know within 15/20 minutes it's a no no or you like them and they don't feel the same. Full of pitfalls but its a shame when people behave like that.

IndieTara · 03/08/2020 23:02

So sorry but in the OLD world this is all par for the course and normal. I've lost count of the number of times I've been stood up, lied to, ghosted and catfished!

NaughtyLittleElf · 03/08/2020 23:06

This is why I always tried to meet quickly if I liked them, less chance to get too involved before you've met face to face. Then at least if goes nowhere you've not wasted too much time.

LionelMessy · 03/08/2020 23:15

You did right thing messaging him. Otherwise it would have always been on your mind "what if"

He way well respond now.

What app change setting so no sees your last seen and you don't see theirs. Trust me it will be 100 times less frustrating than to keep checking up on their online movements.

forumdonkey · 04/08/2020 00:12

UnaCorda give the guy a chance. If it's meant to be, it'll be easy and remember it's only been one date. Fwiw, I think you did the right thing by texting, but if you haven't heard from him by tomorrow, get back on the horse.

I filled my single life and enjoyed it. I used to go OLD when I had got nothing planned and I used to treat it as a night out and either a fun time or a funny story for my friends. I always followed a date with a dear John if it had been dire or a polite thanks, I enjoyed the evening. The thing was, I wasn't looking for a proper serious relationship. I learned to keep my boundaries high and I got on with life, family, work and friends.

One four hour date turned into an amazing relationship but neither of us were looking for it and even said that to each other in the beginning.

Remember, you're a strong, kick ass independent woman. You can text after any date a polite thanks but never lower your boundaries because you are the prize. Why would you want a game playing flaky asshole, because you're sassy and kick ass.

Go and plan something nice to do for yourself and if he's worth your time, he'll prove it.

99victoria · 04/08/2020 00:32

Met my husband via OLD. We went out for a drink one evening and he text me at 7.30am the following morning to say he'd had a lovely time and would I like to meet up a few days later. I'd told him on our date that I was working the early shift the following morning so he knew I would be up and on my way to work.

I'd dated several other guys previously and had a few dates with some of them but he was the first one to contact me so quickly after our first date. I hadn't even really decided whether I wanted to see him again but I was so impressed by his enthusiasm that I gave him a second chance!

CausingChaos2 · 04/08/2020 06:52

Ime any of the guys who were genuinely keen had text me by the time I was home saying they’d had a good time and wanted to arrange the next date.

Any of the guys who I text first weren’t interested or were just looking for ‘fun’.

Patch23042 · 04/08/2020 07:04

So strange. If he wasn’t interested why did he prolong the date with the suggestion of coffee instead of using the opportunity to jump in his car and go? Odd behaviour. I can see why you’re vexed OP.

bumbleb33s · 04/08/2020 09:10

I OLD for a while, my motto was if I didn't think there was a spark I would get in first, same evening, saying thanks for a lovely time but didn't feel there was a spark so I'm going to leave it there, good luck. If I liked them I would wait until the day after and message saying, had a lovely time, would be happy to meet up again if you would, that kind of thing. The worst they can say is no, I didn't feel a spark, at least you know and you can move on, life's too short for spending all this time guessing, does he like me, why's he not text etc etc ... good luck.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 04/08/2020 12:09

Update: He wrote back earlier to say he'd really enjoyed our date and would like to see me again.

Two things concern me now:

  1. The level of despondency I felt at not receiving even a polite "no thanks". I don't know if I have the mental/emotional fortitude to do this.
  2. The fact I had to make the first move and it then took him a further twelve hours (overnight, to be fair) to respond.

I haven't replied yet. Any advice, wise mumsnetters?

OP posts: