Yet another date that went nowhere.

[UnaCorda]

Aaargh. Had OLD #7,023 yesterday. I liked him. Of course he's not been in touch. He's not going to contact me, is he?

So fed up of this. I've been single forever. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Most people I know didn't even have to resort to OLD, and most of those who did seem to have got together with the first person they met.

I don't want to be alone forever. It sucks.

😁well done!

How old are you? (Just being nosy as you said you were 'too old' for this!)

I'm 51 & part of me thinks it would be fun to be single & date again. The other part of me remembers the anxiety (and I'm not normally an anxious person) and the feeling crap when there's not a second date or having to say you don't want to see them again.

How are you feeling about dating in the current climate?? I'd be too nervous meeting strangers & going places 😔

He sounds equally keen. Keep us posted!!

Just a thought... he could be playing it cool too and not want to come across too enthusiastic? 🙂

I'm 51 & part of me thinks it would be fun to be single & date again.

Are you mad?! I'm 45.

Not bothered too much about going places, although I'm being reasonably careful.

He's already written back? That sounds good (presumably). As others have said, you seem to be reading too much into a short delay in responding. For what it's worth, I met my DH 13 years ago through OLD... it can happen

Ok a couple of things.

I OLD and for a first date I wont travel,safety thing, I will only stay very local to my house so that if I need to I can be home safely within 10 minutes on the first, probably 2nd date too.

This means that I always say, was lovely to .eet you and let me know when you're home (I think that's a nice thing to do and I always do it with my friends too). From my millions of online dates experience I've never had a bloke that's hast said yeah cool. The message and some ask for a 2nd date,some dont. If I want to meet them again I say yeah cool and we go from there, if not I politely thank them for their time but decline a 2nd date.

Sometimes they have text I'm home,nice to meet you blah blah blah but havent asked for 2nd date. If I really like them I'll ask and some of the time theyve said great I'm glad you asked. Sometimes they have politely declined, that's cool at least we know where we stand. At that point I thank them for their time and wish them well.

So...for me, the let me know when your home gives me that chance to discuss a 2nd date in a clear but lighthearted way.
It also gives me the opportunity to lay my cards on the table if I'm not interested without making it awkward.
It also means im not waiting around for days working out whether they are playing it cool or just not interested.

However you will see I put that my experience was gained from my million online dates therefore what the hell do I know,im clearly ahit at dating. But on a brighter note hopefully it will also make you feel better because it means you're not the only one who doesnt find it easy.

Finally, if you like him that much and felt like there was a connection just message him and ask, the worst he can say is no thank you, at least you know hun.

We've just had a bit of a WhatsApp chat. No further noises about the second date. (I actually think with OLD the first time you meet is really Date 0.)

To be honest I would be like you op...sorry but I am chasing no man and if I had to wait 12 hours for a response he would have been binned.
You are the prize and I want to know a man is interested...apart from the fact a text would have been nice after the initial date saying he'd had a nice time.

No mention of a date....personally I would be moving on. He should be keen to snap you up before anyone else. He has missed his chance.

Nah OP I think your instincts are right with this one. I think if he were interested hed be asking when you are free next week or something. Seems a bit friend zoney to me sorry

What did he say to your suggestion to meeting up before he goes away?

Oh my god do you think he even knows you think he's playing games? You need to relax a bit. Him not texting you for a few hours when you've been on ONE date doesn't mean he's not interested. It probably means he is busy or asleep or working or a million other things!

I don't understand women who are keen but won't send a simple message to find out how the land lies. Do you just want to be wooed?

Op no offence but you sound like hard work. Chill out a bit. You've had 1 date. This guy could be lovely but he could also be an idiot. Don't get so invested. Date multiple men simultaneously.

Give the bloke a break and set him free !

@UnaCorda

Ok, have sent a suitably breezy message saying let's get together before you go away (mid August). Now just have to wait - and try to chill...

Middle of August? Jeeze! You don't seem very keen OP - perhaps that's why he's backing off.

Take control. Say when you'd like to go and even where if appropriate. You will wait forever for the guy who sweeps you off your feet with romantic bespoke thoughtful initiated dates. Guys who are mediocre at it can also be great guys though, and wonderful life-partners.

Do you think you are playing it too cool? Expecting too much?

Why don't you compromise - you suggest the place, ask him to siggest a date.

Hi OLD date, i've always wanted to try this new cafe/walk to this beach/visit x town - how about you? When are you free next?

Middle of August? Jeeze! You don't seem very keen OP - perhaps that's why he's backing off.

It's only nine or ten days before he goes, he has his daughters two or three days a week, and there's only one weekend in that time.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

Why don't you compromise - you suggest the place, ask him to siggest a date.

Hi OLD date, i've always wanted to try this new cafe/walk to this beach/visit x town - how about you? When are you free next?

I like this idea - thanks.

@Brightyellow

What did he say to your suggestion to meeting up before he goes away?

He said, "Yes it's beautiful [the weather]. Let's do something." But didn't suggest anything specific, or a day.

He sent me a goodnight message which was nice.

@coronaway

Op no offence but you sound like hard work. Chill out a bit. You've had 1 date. This guy could be lovely but he could also be an idiot. Don't get so invested. Date multiple men simultaneously.

It's hard work being in my head... I find the uncertainty difficult.

Will try to relax about it. He could well be an idiot, yes!

OP he's not that into you. :(
He's being polite.
It's very difficult to say thanks but no thanks!
And men are particularly bad at it.

Never ever ever be the first one to text after a date. If he's interested he'll text as soon as he gets home. It's a pathetic we play these games at our age but I've been on soooooo many tinder meetings I've learnt from experience, if he's into you he'll text!!

You want to be somebody's number 1, someone who can't be assed texting you back until the next day ..... well it speaks for itself.

And remember a lot of PPs giving advice have never been on OLD and don't realise it's sooooooo different from meeting someone "naturally".

OLD is different rules completely.

Please don't chase this guy. You'll end up getting hurt.

I wish I could link to loads of previous threads where posters have said "Should I text" and I ALWAYS say "No don't" and guess what surprise surprise they text and get fucked about.

I sympathise OP as did lots of OLD in the past too, I found it could be hard at times but just tried to enjoy it for what it was and thought that if they really wanted to see me they would make the effort 🤷‍♀️ I hate game playing as find it a bit childish so I don’t agree with some of the comments saying he’s just not into you and the so called ‘rules’ about whether a woman should make the first contact etc. It’s all nonsense! Just do what feels right for you. The right person really won’t give a crap about any of the ‘rules’ and won’t want to play games.

I would reply to his message saying something like ‘ yeah would be nice to see you again, let me know when you are free and we can sort something out’ and then see what he says and leave it to him to suggest just so he has the opportunity to make the effort as it should be a two way thing.

Not a peep since yesterday evening. He's not interested, is he?

Why would he bother to get in touch to say goodnight last night??

Wish people could just be straightforward.

...again, just one day passed without him messaging and you are acting like it's a big deal. Reading a bunch into it and all pissed off with him.

If the cards were reversed and you were the guy...she would be thinking you were a right nutter if she knew the reactions you were having.

You had one date, he shouldn't have to be in constant contact with you. He might not be interested, you may be right in that he would have agreed a place and time if he was.

But you just had one date with the guy and now every time one day (if even) passes without a message from him you are all anxious. It's a bit much op.

I think you should step back from dating, I think it's messed with your head too much. Take some me-time...and a chill pill xD

You had one date, he shouldn't have to be in constant contact with you. He might not be interested, you may be right in that he would have agreed a place and time if he was.

I'm not expecting constant contact. Ok, it's only 24 hours since I've heard from him but it's now Wednesday evening and no plans have been made for meeting at the weekend.

I think you should step back from dating, I think it's messed with your head too much. Take some me-time...and a chill pill xD

I've stepped back from dating for about the last eight years. And this is why. If he's interested, why is he not arranging another date? If he's not interested, why can't he just say so? Is that too much to ask?