Partner going to family wedding with ex wife and their kids

[Bibbitybobbottyboo]

Just that really, my partner of 20 months moved in with me at Easter. He has two daughters, seven and four and has been divorced two years after she cheated on him. I don’t have much contact with them at the request of his ex and he won’t stand up for me.

There’s been a wedding pencilled on the calendar for ages, his side of the family, happening in October. It involves travelling up to Scotland on the Friday, staying overnight, wedding on the Saturday and driving back Sunday. Sounds ridiculous but I always assumed I was going with him. Cue a bizarre conversation this morning when I mentioned buying a new dress for the wedding only to be told that he was going with the girls and his ex and not me. Apparently his cousin who is getting married is still close to his ex and wants her there, and as such they feel it is appropriate to go as friends together. Their room is a twin room with two single beds and a set of bunk beds. I have to trust him that nothing will happen he says.

I feel devastated by it and he doesn’t take on board why. He just says that it is important to go as a family for their children.

[LordOfTheOnionRings]

Now this is what a woman who respects herself looks like. Go you.

[Twisique]

Stay strong OP!

[skeemee]

@Bibbitybobbottyboo Well that backfired on him big time OP. He thought he was calling the shots and thought you would put up with whatever crumbs he wanted to give you. Well done for being so decisive and getting rid. I bet he’s reeling now...... He didn’t expect you to be so strong. He was wrong, so wrong!

[Yellowfeather]

Block his messages so he can't get inside your head, and pat yourself on the back for the steps you have taken.

This is not a good man, and you now have the chance to meet a person who treats you with respect. There will a period of grieving, but don't kid yourself that your relationship had a future.

[wishywashywoowoo70]

[quote skeemee]@Bibbitybobbottyboo Well that backfired on him big time OP. He thought he was calling the shots and thought you would put up with whatever crumbs he wanted to give you. Well done for being so decisive and getting rid. I bet he’s reeling now...... He didn’t expect you to be so strong. He was wrong, so wrong![/quote]
This this this.

[Notwiththeseknees]

You have had such a narrow escape from a really bad long term relationship. Your ex is a manipulative bastard - just remember that. Don't sit there pining for the 'good times' they would have got fewer and fewer - only enough to keep you invested. This was not the relationship you dreamed of when you were younger and wanted your first boyfriend. This is something you have settled for, despite him being a self-important, jumped up idiot.
Cry, laugh, thank your lucky stars for your lovely brother and start anew, stronger, more experienced at spotting red flags and idiots and find a man who is worthy of you.

[MadeForThis]

Definitely a lucky escape.

[prozacfree]

Stay strong lovely, and remove any memories of him from your house. If you have any spare money, buy some new pictures, scented candles, a new bedset, some beautiful fresh flowers and lay back and rejoice in the fact that you have dodged a humungous bullet.

[prozacfree]

*humongous

[MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly]

This reminds me of my ex - left without a fuss, then begged me on the phone and finally left horrible abusive messages when he couldn't reel me back in.

He's shown his true colours, use that knowledge to strengthen your resolve, it's clearer now than ever that you made the right decision.

All the best to you op

[originaldiv]

Haven't read all the responses but op - I put adultery on my divorce paperwork even tho it wasn't true AT ALL because it was the only way I could get my abusive ex to agree to sign it. As far as I was concerned I didn't care what it said on the forms as long as I could escape him.
He's probably told his current gf that I cheated on him and has the papers to prove it. But it was nothing like that.

[Stoic123]

Nothing to add other than to say huge admiration for you OP.

[JessCat75]

I know it's raw and horrible but you've done the right thing, he wasn't respecting your relationship the way he should have, you shouldn't come second best to him pleasing his ex, it would only have continued this way for years, stay strong OP you deserve to be in a full and equal relationship where both of your needs and expectations are equally important, read back through this thread, nobody would have put up with this bullshit.

[BurtsBeesKnees]

Well done OP

[binkyblinky]

OP YOURE AMAZING X

[crimsonlake]

Stay strong and please do not weaken and back down.
I love how he thought you would roll over and accept this....you rock :)

[Restlessinthenorth]

I've been thinking of you all day. You are strong and brave, whether you feel it or not. There is so much better out there for you than this. Sending loads of cheerleading your way! You can get through this

[billy1966]

OP,

Those nasty messages are exactly who he is, barely 24 hours after you made it clear you were not going to accept a future where you were treated with disrespect, and an afterthought.

You had a future of that type of treatment in front of you, possibly years of feeling like you didn't really matter.

Worse still if you had a child with him.

You are hurting for what you were hoping your relationship could be, not the nasty shit show that it is in reality.

Heal and thrive.

[PicsInRed]

Mad congratulations on not having kids with him.

Now you can be truly free of him. 💐🎉

[babbi]

I’m so sorry OP , this hurts badly at the moment but it’s the right thing for you and your happiness going forward.
This would have drained you more and more each day .
He’s no loss and has shown his true colours by being abusive .
You are worth so much more , be kind to yourself and take care .
Good luck

[Cloudyroom]

My ex went to Disney Paris with the ex and kids after us being together for 2 years. We limped on for 6m but it was over at the point I was told really. Horrible memories. Stay strong !

[Dullardmullard]

Lean on family and friends they’ll understand

He’s shown his true colours now if you can block him. If not just ignore.

[IceCreamSummer20]

I know it’s awful when dreams are crushed. Your dream of a future with him. However it may comfort and make you strong to know:

• he is not going to get back with his Ex. She is the convenient mother of his children for public family events and when he wants to play Dad. Nothing more. To expect her to trot along ‘with him’ to family events is just as humiliating for her if only she realized it.
  
• He is not a good partner for anyone. Who would want someone who still goes to all public events with their Ex? No-one. He is no prize.
  
• All of his messages, even now, are not even trying to lie to you and make promises that he will change. He can’t even be bothered to try and change, He doesn’t want to. His messages, even after he has lost you, are still trying to put you in your place and tell you the problem is with you. Again this not a man who is any woman’s idea of a satisfying partner.

[Otterseatpuffinsdontthey]

Q

[famousforwrongreason]

Ugh. My ex arranged trips away behind my back with not one but two exes (different trips).
The first one was arranged before we were together. He was never going to tell me who was on the trip, it's only because I overheard a phone conversation.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt but then he did almost the same thing a year later with someone else and et it slip after the event
I was devastated, I'm sure exes can be friends but it's the secrecy and deceit which got to me most, and of course jealousy based on what he'd told me about these women, plus photos I'd seen of them.
He didn't even have the excuse of kids with either of them, just wanted to have his cake and eat it.
I was distraught when I discovered the second one so I have some idea about how you feel. It's the lack of partnership which really got me.
He got away with it for ages because I was going through some life trauma and I clung onto him but the longer I stayed the more crap floated to the surface.
He gaslit the fuck out of me, possibly because I was in a vulnerable place but he didn't want to lose his status quo.
I was never his number one and I'm glad to be rid. His exes are more than welcome.