Hello guys, thank you for your concern.
I have been quiet because not a lot has changed with my position (as in I am still trapped in NZ) but I should be able to update my legal situation soon.
The last few months have been awful.
I did manage too take the kids home at Christmas and it was wonderful in so many ways. Yes, we were in lockdown, the weather was shit and we were staying in a small apartment, but all three of us loved it and it reminded the kids what 'home' feel like. It made my parents' year. I slept and ate for the first time in many, many months.
However, while I was there, it transpired that my ex had been talking to my estranged (narc) SIL who the rest of the family are now estranged from. This manifested itself with a deranged phone call to my mum screaming at her that I was trying to take al their money to fight my ex, that I was a danger to the kids, violent.... The phone was on speakerphone as my mum was painting rocks with the kids so they heard everything. They followed this up with emails to my dad and other (police officer) brother (who they tried to call but he called SIL an evil bitch and hung up). I intercepted dad's email and it included pages of screen shots of messages my ex had been sending to evil SIL. He hooked her in by talking about money and how I was going to get the lion's share of my parent's inheritance (WTAF) and after this he ranted of over a two month period. I emailed my brother telling him to get both sides of the story before he takes such extreme action, and he reported me to the police for harassment for this email. You would only know how ironic this is if you had seen some of the emails SIL has sent my mum.
Our last weekend was in London where we did see friends - we were as safe as possible, but the children and I both needed it for our mental health. And how amazing it was. But again, ex kept messaging our friends asking if they had seen us, where we were etc. I had given him all the info on where we were staying each night as required. He even messaged one saying 'DD told me she wished she had had a 'insert giant cuddly friend's name' hug' in an attempt to fish for info.
When I got back to NZ he informed me that the agreement to travel home annually was null and void. This was the push I needed to see my lawyer. My lawyer didn't think I was strong enough for any legal process after not sleeping or eating for a year, so to cut a long story short, I saw my GP, went on double anti-depressants, started seeing both a new therapist and psychiatrist, and now have a PTSD diagnosis. I also joined a charity called Globalarrk who have a forum which has been immensely helpful. The NZ board is particularly busy as it seems in is one of the easiest countries to get stuck in, and hardest to escape from. But I have a network of hugely smart and capable women.
I was glad of the meds when, in April, the day after my 50th night out, I had a call from dad saying mum had been in a car crash and was in hospital. She is his carer. My world crashed yet again. She broke her leg badly and was in hospital for 7 weeks but is now home recuperating slowly and they have help from the most amazing care team. I get now why old people leave money to special carers.
My ex has, yet again breached lockdown. In level 4 we are allowed to share care as long as it's only his household and ours. I had them when we went into lockdown and he told DD that he is in a bubble with his DBs family as well. This is against the rules so they cannot go there.
I still have the kids for most of the time - he has them 4 nights a months and this has now been the case for 15 months.
I have a job. It's a very low paid admin role with a printing company, but it's manageable in my current situation with being 20 mins drive and only working 9am - 1pm. I can still do everything with the kids and have an hour for myself in the afternoon to swim. I don't have the brain power for my old job if it even existed here. I earned 2.5 times as much at home and the cost of living is much higher here, so in reality I think I earn a quarter of my UK salary for similar hours.
He is trying to get me to sell the house so he can buy something (and supposedly have the children 50:50), but this will be blown out of the water once the legal stuff moves forward so I am stalling as is my right.
The meds have definitely helped - I don't feel as traumatised on a daily basis, but still have terrible nightmares each night and generally feel emotionally numb. But I need this to just get by right now.
Sorry for not updating earlier x