Dating Thread 192 - Rose tinted glasses need banning

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Well I've had 2 dates with my guy and he says the last girl he felt like this with he married her

I really fancy him tho and he ticks every single box but I'm wondering if this is a red flag and he's just love bombing me!

Had so many bad experiences lately I just want this to work.

Argh my MrCountry is now away for work on Saturday so he’s suggested meeting Thursday (tomorrow).

Organising stress

Also just started my period.

Quite looking forward to the man hiatus when he’s working on a ship on the other side of the world and I can concentrate on Marie Kondo ing my life

This is why you don't download a random supposed 'different' dating app you have never heard of from Facebook. Not entirely sure it's for dating.

@Dancerinthemoonlight
Thats very forward of him

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Not really that creative really as far as sex fantasies go, 2/10.

He does specify he is offering his “entire” cock though so that’s helpful

@Dancerinthemoonlight say 'yes, I'd love to do the same to you'

@SortingItOut
You are, of course, absolutely right.

If the early stages is a disappointment in comms/enthusiasm/flattery then they just are not going to get any better are they so better to cut losses if they are falling short ahead of us becoming fully bonded. This is good advice.

I woke up back to my old self and thinking 'what the hell was that?!?' regarding my upset over one guy deciding not to text me having met just the once.
Didn't like his shoes anyway!

Spent the evening by texting some new online irons which was fun plus earlier had to meet recent mad/nasty/ick-giving romancer his stuff back and persuaded to go for a drink. Found him repulsive and annoying. Vowed not to become besotted so early on. It's not a great game plan.

@Dancerinthemoonlight How absolutely delightful
Are you going to meet up with him? 😂

OMG @SortingItOut I've been assuming I was exclusive with people from the first actual date! Ooops. I had no idea this was not the protocol. Thanks ever so for pointing it out.
Luckily I've had no disasters in this area to-date but now consider myself forewarned and forarmed!

Final thought on my ghoster My Polymath (or The Phantom as my mate is now calling him). He should have been a left swipe anyway as I ignored my own rule about never swiping right on someone who has no words on their Tinder profile. But I liked his face and the fact he played the bass. My bad. Lesson learned.

Oh and recent crazy ex? He revealed on our first phone chat that he'd not only lied about his age by TEN YEARS but also got slightly shirty and unapologetic when I said that I didn't have time for liars and it was unethical. Reader I dated him for 5 months! Should have been an instant 'Byeeeeee' (but on the other hand it's not clear cut as I enjoyed and learned so much from that romance but then did I miss matching with Mr Wonderful while I was wasting time with a no-hoper... Oh I don't know.)

@Bunkbedpeople still chortling at 'entire' cock being helpful. Good to get these things firmed up

@fortunacookie
Definite lovebombing - how can he know after 2 dates and some messaging that he feels that way about you already?

I get that after a few dates you might really like someone but i doubt you would be that upfront straight away.
You might say you enjoyed their company or you had a great time but nothing more than that.

Does he also say you've clicked and got a connection and so much in common?

That can also be a sign of lovebombing especially as they may be mirroring you and not actually have the same things in common.

@SortingItOut

We had another date yesterday and he's not as intense now but I definitely think we are falling for each other. I have dated a lot of men as been single 8 years ...there is just something very different about him and we do keep saying 'how can we feel this way after 2 dates' we've not even slept together either

@fortunacookie
Just take it easy, dont jump in too fast, hold back on declaring love and fingers crossed he is 'the one'

Good luck

@fortunacookie ive had that a few times and was definitely love bombing. Just take it really slowly and try and hold more cards to your chest. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I just think these types of people are too intense.

@Eesha

I'm intense too and I'm not type that likes to take things slow either ...guess time will tell what happens with him. I'm trying just to enjoy the feelings but my anxiety does creep in and I'm scared I'm going to ruin it for myself like I have with others I've really liked

Not sure why I am posting really, just more to vent than anything really.
I'm having a moment where I am just feeling down and not good enough. The new job search is going no where quickly, had 2 nos from applications this evening, I have no clients booked in for the foreseeable future because of Covid and the rules on weddings and events. I can't seem to find a decent man who like me for me and is willing to put in the effort.

@Dancerinthemoonlight
Sorty to hear you are feeling down and not good enough.

You are definitely good enough, maybe the jobs and then men are not actually good enough for you....

Job searching is a thankless task at the best of times, during a pandemic its really tough and you shouldnt take any rejection personally.

And as for the men, when you update your profile and change your boundaries you will alwsys have a bit of a lull.

Remember before you attracted fuck boys and got hurt, yes there were some good times but it was mainly superficial and now you're attracting a better type of man you dont get the highs and lows of adrenalin rushes but is better for your mental health.

Could you do something nice for you tomorrow?

@fortunacookie
If you know you are intense could you tame it down slightly and see whether that helps with your anxiety?

2 intense people dating may end in a big explosion because it can crash and burn so quickly.

Did you actually ruin all the other dates/relationships or are you just assuming it was you?

@SortingItOut thank you for the vote of confidence. You re probably right that the 2 jobs that said no wouldn't have been right for me. It is very slim pickings both job wise and men wise at the moment.

I think my issue is that I prefer the look of the fuck boys than the serious ones, they don't seem as handsome in comparison. I know there will be that one that I eventually find that will put in all the effort and who I will find attractive. I think I am missing the extreme high but not the low that follows soon after it.

The weather looks nicer tomorrow so I will go on a nice long walk, the rain today has been making my condition flare up so looking forward to a dry day. I was meant to be arranging a date tomorrow night with a new iron but he has gone quite after I said I was free all evening. Hadn't even got to the point of arranging where.

[quote SortingItOut]@fortunacookie
If you know you are intense could you tame it down slightly and see whether that helps with your anxiety?

2 intense people dating may end in a big explosion because it can crash and burn so quickly.

Did you actually ruin all the other dates/relationships or are you just assuming it was you?[/quote]
Yes I think they just realise I'm really keen and it scares them off.

The ones I'm not keen on seem to love me

My man I'll call him Mr Manc is quieter tonight , I need to give my head a shake and remember a week ago I'd not even met him and stop letting him consume all my thoughts

Hello, I’m new to the thread!
A bit of a funny one-
3 weeks ago I went on an OLD with Mr Australia. He is older than me, divorced with kids, and very successful. Extremely charismatic and engaging but I was slightly intimidated by him so was completely myself on the date, got drunk as I thought oh sod it I won’t be seeing him again anyway (low self esteem) and ended up sleeping with him!
Since then he is messaging me every few days- he’s been on holiday in the south of France with his older children and is still there but has messaged me first- always him I I sting the conversation- around every 3 days. I. Friday night he messaged me to say ‘please keep up the writing, lying in bed thinking about you’ as he is also a writer and we discussed an idea I have for a book. No mention of seeing me again (I’m being completely nonchalant as I’m currently burnt from being ghosted essentially by a guy- Mr France- who I really liked) but when I wished him a nice holiday he said he was thinking of coming back early this week.
Do you think Mr Australia is interested in seeing me again?
I can’t imagine he would continue to message 3 weeks after the date and whilst on holiday stating he was thinking of me if he wasn’t! He went on holiday days after our date.

@FineWithWine

Personally I’d just take each day or contact as it comes unless you have some pressing reason not to?

It may progress, it may not.

What I WOULD be wary of is holding your life up in other ways to see what happens with this guy?

Not sure if you’re still swiping or on apps or dating others or what else is going on in your life but I wouldn’t put things on hold for him

if you see each other again great but don’t overthink (queen of overthinking here) him and start getting into “must worry about impressing successful man” mode.

It’s ok to fancy him and be flattered by the attention, but also think about what works for YOUR emotions and YOUR life.

Eg my MrSmooth (who I went on a coffee date with a few weeks ago) is Googlably very successful with several flattering national newspaper articles/five star reviews about his creative work - and also liked me in person, is genuinely charming and charismatic and all that jazz.

We agreed to meet again by message but he hasn’t messaged since then, and the tone of contact was it would be quite a “casual, physical” meet.

In the meantime I’ve had a few very pleasant and successful dates with someone else, and am picking a nice restaurant tomorrow for a date before he leaves for a work trip (he offered to come help with my DIY stuff last time we met).

I’m not saying the other bloke im dating is going to be the love of my life or anything, or that very successful men are necessarily crap dates or boyfriends .

But I’d be wary of any dating dynamic where I’m feeling “less than” or grateful for any attention or compliments.