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Original poster

Play fighting with my BF... he hurt my eye?

276 replies

Oceanlover1998 · 27/07/2020 12:03

I and my boyfriend (both in our early 20s) often play fight and it sometimes involves tickling, sometimes pushing etc.
He does boxing every week and is stronger than me and so it sometimes hurts a lot more than I do to him. He is also really competitive and never lets me get away with having the last move.

Last night we were flicking eachother all over and I accidentally flicked his cheek and I apologised immediately after. He told me to kiss him better and that he was hurt, so I went over to him and he flicked me hard in the eyeball.

I immediately started crying and I was in shock that he did it back even after I apologised for hitting his face and he was that careless that it hit my eye. I couldn’t see for a few seconds and ran to the bathroom and of course he ran after me apologising and saying that he didn’t mean it and that it was an accident.

I said I wanted some space and went downstairs for a while and of course he followed me. I told him about the fact I had been in an abusive relationship before and he was violent, he then got upset and said I was trying to compare him to my ex which wasn’t the case at all. It just felt like it was all happening again.

I know it was an accident but he should have brushed it off when I accidentally hit his face, not gone for me and hurt my eye. My eye is now swollen. I told him that we cannot play fight anymore. He does Thai boxing and should be able to take a girl flicking him on his face without retaliation.

He often goes too far when play fighting and often pins me down and tickles me or grabs my sides which i don’t like, he does eventually stop but it takes some tries.

I have told him that we cannot play fight anymore. Am I doing the right thing here?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 27/07/2020 12:05

You both need to stop it.

SevernJuly · 27/07/2020 12:07

God this sounds so childish

Bemorechicken · 27/07/2020 12:10

Yes, No more play fighting. No more. No violence in the house -no tickling, no pushing, no flicking etc.

Obviously it was an accident. And you cause an injury to him. But just grow up and stop it.

PumpkinP · 27/07/2020 12:10

Grown adults play fighting is so weird imo, I’ve never done it. As I tell my 6 year old and 8 year that play fight “don’t do it as someone always ends up getting hurt!” Usually the youngest as he is weaker, so it’s ok if you hurt your bf but it’s not ok for him to hurt you Hmm

tmh88 · 27/07/2020 12:10

Yes I’d both just stop it now. Sounds draining!

Chamomileteaplease · 27/07/2020 12:10

Definitely no play fighting any more Shock.

And definitely a good think about whether you want to be with someone who can flick you in your eyeball Shock

Also, I bet he won't listen to you banning playfighting because that gave him an excuse you hurt you. And now there won't be one. So he will find another way.

achillesratty · 27/07/2020 12:11

You are both adults, try and act like it.

Mabelface · 27/07/2020 12:13

He doesn't respect your boundaries and enjoys having power over you. Stop the relationship before he hurts you.

TheGodmother · 27/07/2020 12:13

I'm must have missed something. How was it an accident??? You went over to kiss him and he flicked you in the eyeball?

So hard that it is now swollen.

This does not sound like a healthy relationship.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 27/07/2020 12:16

I hate play fighting. Before I married DH I was in an abusive relationship and one of my dogs is now very protective over me in that way.

DH used to flick me annoyingly etc. Once he pretending to punch me and because I flinched, my dog grabbed his arm. That soon put a stop to his childish behaviour.

Opentooffers · 27/07/2020 12:16

Bit childish and accidents are inevitable if you do. Stop doing it, if he won't stop that is more of an issue. If this was a one off incident,I'd let it slide - but make him eat humble pie as it sounds like he is doing.

TheVanguardSix · 27/07/2020 12:17

I have told him that we cannot play fight anymore. Am I doing the right thing here?

Yes.

Confused
user1493413286 · 27/07/2020 12:17

I don’t really understand play fighting in a relationship; and I also don’t get why you keep doing it when he often goes too far so yes definitely stop! I also think it shows a worrying side to him that even when you recognised you’d gone too far he decided to retaliate; he wasn’t doing it as part of the play fighting it was a direct retaliation.

HijabiGirl · 27/07/2020 12:18

Play fighting isn’t violent if both parties are comfortable and following rules as to not hurt each other.

This isn’t the case here and so it will affect your relationship and so not worth it tbh

SoddingWeddings · 27/07/2020 12:24

His flick back sounds badly executed, but you can't expect play fighting between adults not to deteriorate. You can't playfully hurt someone and not expect them to retaliate - in play.

He didn't intend to injure you from what you describe. If he'd used a different type of play or excessive force to retaliate he'd be unreasonable (a punch, kick, bite, slap etc) but he flicked you back.

You both need to grow up a bit and pack this shit in.

piscean10 · 27/07/2020 12:26

You play stupid games like this then what do you expect. So you know he is much stronger than you, you have an abusive experience and yet think this is a great idea?
It's a mighty stretch to link him to your abusive ex, and he apologized so you are overreacting. Both need to grow up.

Shoxfordian · 27/07/2020 12:26

It wasn't an accident though, he deliberately flicked your eye in retaliation

KittyHawke80 · 27/07/2020 12:28

God, the pair of you sound absurd. Early 20s? Madness.

Hailtomyteeth · 27/07/2020 12:28

Get out of this relationship.

TheMandalorian · 27/07/2020 12:29

You probably need to go and get your eye seen to.
Stop with the playfighting. Its very childish.

differentnameforthis · 27/07/2020 12:30

He often goes too far when play fighting and often pins me down and tickles me or grabs my sides which i don’t like, he does eventually stop but it takes some tries.

You are not "play fighting" if he is hurting you and refusing to stop when you tell him to.

He is beating you up and convincing you that you are a willing participant.

said I wanted some space and went downstairs for a while and of course he followed me. how did he justify ignoring your wish for some space? He hurt you and instead of letting you have space, he followed you, totally ignoring your wishes!

he then got upset and said I was trying to compare him to my ex which wasn’t the case at all - getting defensive is a red flag. Doesn't like having a mirror held up to him!

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 27/07/2020 12:31

Christ alive, do you need a parent to step I and put you both on time out? Its all fun and games till someone gets hurt.
Aggression, even in play, leads to aggression and already aggressive people are more adept at it.

crimsonlake · 27/07/2020 12:31

I would also go and get your eye checked, not to scare you but you may have a detached eye retina.

Wtfdoipick · 27/07/2020 12:31

I have told him that we cannot play fight anymore. Am I doing the right thing here?

No but only because what you should be doing is telling him it is over

Hazelnutlatteplease · 27/07/2020 12:31

I'm aghast at these responses.

To hit someone hard enough on the eye to leave it swollen is dangerous.

To do that accidentally is dangerous.

Whether it was deliberate or not is irelevent. Whether he is accidentally dangerous or deliberately dangerous, doesn't alter the fact he is dangerous.

The fact you have already had one violent relationship gives me cause for concern over this one.

Time to call quite.