Play fighting with my BF... he hurt my eye?

[Oceanlover1998]

I and my boyfriend (both in our early 20s) often play fight and it sometimes involves tickling, sometimes pushing etc.
He does boxing every week and is stronger than me and so it sometimes hurts a lot more than I do to him. He is also really competitive and never lets me get away with having the last move.

Last night we were flicking eachother all over and I accidentally flicked his cheek and I apologised immediately after. He told me to kiss him better and that he was hurt, so I went over to him and he flicked me hard in the eyeball.

I immediately started crying and I was in shock that he did it back even after I apologised for hitting his face and he was that careless that it hit my eye. I couldn’t see for a few seconds and ran to the bathroom and of course he ran after me apologising and saying that he didn’t mean it and that it was an accident.

I said I wanted some space and went downstairs for a while and of course he followed me. I told him about the fact I had been in an abusive relationship before and he was violent, he then got upset and said I was trying to compare him to my ex which wasn’t the case at all. It just felt like it was all happening again.

I know it was an accident but he should have brushed it off when I accidentally hit his face, not gone for me and hurt my eye. My eye is now swollen. I told him that we cannot play fight anymore. He does Thai boxing and should be able to take a girl flicking him on his face without retaliation.

He often goes too far when play fighting and often pins me down and tickles me or grabs my sides which i don’t like, he does eventually stop but it takes some tries.

I have told him that we cannot play fight anymore. Am I doing the right thing here?

@Oceanlover1998

Understand the posts commenting on why we play fight - I’m not sure, he often starts it when he is bored. When I tell him to stop he doesn’t, I was thinking maybe we need a safe word to use when either of us have had enough - as ‘stop’ doesn’t usually work But now I think we both need to stop. If he hurts me again it’s over

He hurts you when he's bored and doesn't stop when you tell him to. This isn't 'play' it's full on abuse. Please leave him.

Please leave him. This is not play fighting, he doesn't stop when you ask him too, goes too far.

He is getting enjoyment out of something you are not (power etc). This is not a trait you want in a partner. Ditch immediately.

sounds like the op doesn’t mind play fighting if it’s her doing the hurting. Don’t take on someone stronger than you and expect not to get hurt.

Did you actually read the OP? Did you miss the part where she said :"He does boxing every week and is stronger than me and so it sometimes hurts a lot more than I do to him. He is also really competitive and never lets me get away with having the last move."

Or the part where she immediately apologised for flicking his face?
So how exactly does that translate to her wanting to hurt him?

Maybe he went to get her cheek but missed and got her eye, I mean they are right next to each other, but that can’t possibly be the case on MN.

But you just said that if she didn't respond then he'd stop. And the OP had stopped, apologised and followed her DP's instruction of kissing him on the cheek. And he still deliberately injured her. So where exactly did she go wrong? Or are you simply determined to blame her regardless
@PumpkinP ?

He flicked you in the eyeball because he’s a sadistic bastard that got pleasure from defeating you and seeing your pain. There simply isn’t any other explanation for this behaviour.
He gets bored, starts ‘play’ fighting with you and won’t stop when you ask. He’s a moron...and if you keep going along with it for fear of not being seems a fun or whatever, so are you.
He will hurt you badly one day. He will.

So when she flicked him that was an accident? You can’t accidentally flick someone, that is a deliberate act.

*seen as fun

OP you are underreacting. Your partner enjoys hurting you and dominating you. Do you enjoy being dominated? I can’t tell from your writing - you are complaining yet excusing him. If you like being dominated you can make an arrangement where each side is clear about what behaviour is acceptable and what isn’t and you stick to it. However it requires trust and I’m just not sure he is trustworthy.

I think your boundaries are skewed. You say you will give him another chance and if he does it again then it’s over. I’m not sure I believe you mean that. He has overstepped and ignored you and hurt you many times and even this time you are excusing him. Why would one more time make the difference? He is abusive. You would be best to leave the relationship now. Before he has a chance to hurt you again, which he will. And please get some help with understanding and reestablishing your boundaries in relationships.

If you do stay, please be careful. You have said no more play fighting and while he might agree, I fear his violence will leach out a different way.

Please dump him. What a horrible man.

Go and get your eye checked too.

@2155User You're coming across as an abuse apologist. Congratulations on being so 'cool'. It's a great look.

God I've never done this with a boyfriend (or anyone!). Sounds ridiculous. Flicking you in the eye is just plain stupid - but it sounds like you behave in a similar way.

Get your eye checked.

Get him out of your life.

Don't stay with someone who picks 'play' fights when he's bored. Who hurts you to have the last word in a 'play' fight, even though you've said 'stop'.

You've picked another abusive relationship. Get out.

Seek counselling.

No no no, this is all wrong.

His flicking you in the eyeball was clearly completely deliberate.

He shouldn't be carrying on etc when you've said you don't want it either. If telling him to stop doesn't work, neither will a safe word.

He is sadistic and the ignoring your lack of consent is very disturbing. He's dangerous.

OP,

You are in another abusive relationship with a guy who neither likes you or respects you.

He likes to hurt you.

He likes to hurt you when he is bored.

He doesn't pay any attention to you when you say NO.

You are in ANOTHER abusive relationship.

YOU KNOW IT TOO.

He's a nasty piece of work.

You need to take a big step back and ask yourself why, having been in a violent relationship you would want to play fight?

I find that very concerning.

You need to figure out why you are in this relationship.

Flicking your eye is both violent, abusive and could damage your sight.

I really think you need to grow up and protect yourself.

Is this the life you see and want for yourself?

Successive violent relationships.

Get away from him and help yourself.

You need to realise you deserve a future WITHOUT VIOLENCE.

OP I'm sorry to say this because I know you don't want to hear it but I think you've gone from one abusive relationship to another, it's just that this guy presents it differently.
It sounds like the playfighting is initiated mostly by him, he doesn't say stop when you ask and he often hurts you? I really think you need to do the freedom program

@PumpkinP

So now play fighting has turned into DV, only on MN

Read the posts ffs.

He often starts it and when I tell him to stop he doesn't.

Is that clear enough for you?

You both sound childish. Walk away though before he hurts you even harder which is clearly bound to happen

I think playfighting with adults is a more psychologically serious thing than simply being 'childish'..... it is a typical sibling thing, to manage and channel aggression with someone you feel competitive with, in a way that might seem ok. His desire to play fight with you (and vice versa) suggests strange things about how you are managing feelings..... I would definitely end it. But if you continue seeing him, my instinct may be that you will find the aggression coming out towards you in other ways instead.....

I would dump him to he honest.

I agree with those who say he’s using it as a cover for violence.

I wouldn’t bother just saying “no more play fighting” because he’s bound to find some other way to hurt you or otherwise cross your boundaries, and I wouldn’t bother waiting around to see what it is.

Look it’s been 10 months. Sure, it’s a chunk of time...but don’t be fooled into thinking you have to see it through because you’ve invested it. 10 months is long enough to know if you enjoy being a rag toy for a boxer who hurts you and won’t stop when you ask him to.
He knows he’s much stronger than you.
He understands the word no.
He has hurt you before using excessive force.

Now he has flicked you painfully in the eye...which was not an accident. He’s done that to someone before or had someone do it to him - he knew what he was doing when he aimed his flick on your eyeball.
Who came up with the flicking game in the first place? You? Not likely.

It is what it is. He’s a threat to your safety because he enjoys inflicting pain on you.
10 months is nothing. Get rid.

Ffs people. Op doesnt want to be play fighting. Op doesnt know why he insists on play fighting. Op has asked him not to do this, but he carries on anyway.

Op, he intentionally hurt you. You dont want to be doing this anyway. He wont be told no. And it has only been ten months.

Go back to your own home and just end this relationship. He is, at the very best, a nobhead.