Hello everyone. A friend alerted me to this thread. I hope you don't mind me joining the conversation, I am not a Mum myself and I'm not clued in on all the Mumsnet abbreviations (?)- but I am a specialist researcher in menstrual health and rights (I am the founder of www.menstrual-matters.com - an evidence-based info hub, with the catchy strap-line 'No pain, no shame!')
First of all, I am so sorry that so many people have experienced traumatic first periods and other puberty-related changes. Unfortunately, this is still an all too common experience in the UK (and every other country) and has been so for thousands of years, thanks to ancient cultural myths and misconceptions about menstruation. In short, the taboo provides a means to create and maintain sex-based discrimination and gender inequalities. It does this through societal rules that hide menstruation from public spaces, and we (people who menstruate) internalise this as shame - we feel ashamed of our female bodies, our genitals, our menstrual fluid, and even the products with which we manage periods. Shame, shame, shame. [If you are keen to learn more here is a free textbook on this topic- link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-15-0614-7]
Period education is inadequate, although it is better than it once was. In many ways it is unfair to blame our mothers/ grandmothers for not preparing their daughters well- they were probably ignorant and ashamed of their own menstruating bodies (although even just a bit of love and understanding goes a long way). Menstrual shame is best described as 'inter-generational trauma', passed on through many generations of families. The good news is that change is happening, and simply learning more about what periods are (and are not), and speaking to others about your experiences, can make a significant positive impact on self-esteem - and will certainly help break the cycle of inherited embodied shame.
So, my top tips are really this- if you do feel traumatised by your first period experience, or subsequent life as a menstruating human being, please do seek professional counselling. This trauma likely has an impact on your self-esteem, relationships with others, and quality of life. You may never receive recognition of your trauma from family members, but a good counsellor should help you feel better anyway.
I also encourage absolutely everyone- including men and boys- to learn more about menstrual myths and how not to (unintentionally) reinforce them- especially this terrible concept of the first period as a sign of 'womanhood'- it is not- it is simply a sign of the beginning of puberty- female bodies are not well suited to giving birth until at least age 15/ 16. Implying adulthood in children as young as 8 years old is gross- it simply encourages the sexualisation of the female body (including little girls). Here is a handy list of the top 10 myths to help you get started- www.menstrual-matters.com/blog/top-10-period-myths/
Finally, I really encourage people to seek evidence-based information on this topic, rather than well-meaning but ultimately problematic sources of 'period education' which unintentionally reinforce beliefs about 'all women' as being somehow more mysterious, connected to nature, in sync with the moon/ each other, or in need of time out of work/ education, due to our normal and healthy menstrual cycles. We are not typically debilitated by our bodies, and they are just as scientifically knowable as male bodies. Similarly, if you do experience very painful periods, or severe mood changes, then you most likely have an underlying health condition (fibroids, endometriosis, cysts, or the exacerbation of a mental health issue, or PMDD- premenstrual dysphoric disorder)- this is not a 'normal' menstrual experience- do not let your family, friends or even doctors tell you it's just 'women's issues' and effectively fail to take you seriously.
I can also recommend a great period book for children - it contains actual images of what a period looks like etc. Written by Robyn Steward for Autistic children, but in my opinion, the best option for all kids- www.amazon.co.uk/Autism-Friendly-Guide-Periods-Robyn-Steward/dp/1785923242/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&s=books&text=Robyn+Steward&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1587561817&refinements=p_27%3ARobyn+Steward&sr=1-1
Please feel free to get in touch if you have any queries regarding menstrual health/ rights that are not covered on the website: [email protected]
Thanks and I hope we are perhaps the last generation to experience this stuff- at least we can help make it happen!