'I preferred you when you weren't as big'

[hopingtobedally]

What are your thoughts on this comment? You are discussing with your OH how he appears to not show any attraction to you anymore
You have gained weight over the years however so your husband also has and he's aged very badly yet you never say a word

@idontlikewednesdays I don't 'need' to do anything thanks!

I'm glad you realize this isn't ok OP. xxx

Well he's telling the truth, do u want him to lie to u?

Well if neither of you find eachother attractive, you won't accept his comments when you ask for them, you clearly think you're better than him... Why are you still together?

@ShineyMcShine

He quite entitled to not fancy anymore if you have changed from the women he originally fancied. I know my DH wouldn't fancy me if I put weight on, I don't like it myself so don't expect him to

We wont look the same forever. I suppose your DH is one to run off with a young'un once you get too old.

I've seen loads of threads on MN from women who no longer fancy their husbands because they've put on weight and generally let themselves go.

Many posters tell them that they shouldn't stay with him if they no longer find them attractive.

The "ick" is talked about widely on here and it's generally considered to be impossible to come back from. If a spouse is no longer attracted to their partner what should they do?

It can be more difficult to lose weight when their are hormonal issues involved. What is your diet and exercise regime OP?

*there

I’d appreciate him being honest.
Of course it would hurt, but I’d rather know if my husband wasn’t attracted to me, so I could do something about it.

@sunrisesunsetting I eat 1500 calories in an 8 hour window then fast
Do at least 10K steps daily
This has been over the last year since starting the menopause. I no longer care about the weight I am happy with how I look. My husband isn't attracted to me that's fine I'd rather be able to say look you aren't attracted to me life is too short for us to stay together in that case

I’m really surprised by all the posters on here who only find their partners attractive based on their looks

@roo2018

I’m really surprised by all the posters on here who only find their partners attractive based on their looks

I am, too.

I'd still be with my partner if he put on a lot of weight. His personality is a large part of the attraction.

I also want my partner to find me attractive for more than just my looks....So if someone said, "your current weight is affecting my attraction for you", honestly I would go find someone else who did fancy me, because there's people who are going to find you attractive at any weight. I've known men who find both large and slim ladies attractive. Why be with someone who is not only that shallow, but also 'not all that', himself?

Sorry, this probably isn’t particularly helpful unless you do want to lose weight but I’ve just seen your update re calories and wanted to comment on that. Have you checked your basal Metabolic Rate? To maintain my current weight (which I don’t want to do) I’d have to consume 1508 calories and I’m 37. So if you do want to lose weight google a BMR calculator as you may be needing to consume less than the 1500 cals.

wildone84 basing a long term relationship on looks really isn't a long term plan. some 65 year old men and women have excellent features but people don't generally think of that age group as physically attractive age groups.

@fallfallfall

wildone84 basing a long term relationship on looks really isn't a long term plan. some 65 year old men and women have excellent features but people don't generally think of that age group as physically attractive age groups.

I agree.

1500 calories a day is a lot. Do you know your BMR?

My BMR is about 1470 (I am 5'7 and 10 stone) but if I want to lose weight, I eat less than that.

1500 calories is not a lot. I’m 5’5, currently 11 stone and losing weight steadily (1.5 lbs a week) on 1800 calories a day. I just move quite a lot so I can eat a decent amount.

@tigger001 you best pray you never develop a medical problem that makes you gain weight Without your control then, or you might find yourself single.
Sounds like a great marriage you have there

I had one of these and it was said in a much more poisonous way a week after I'd given birth no less...

I lost the weight then fucked off into the sunset 👋💅

😂

@hopingtobedally
I don't 'need' to do anything thanks!

You certainly don’t OP. Ignore the posters insisting you do to keep him interested or stop him having an affair. We’re not in the 1950’s anymore.

Are you willing to try couples therapy to hash out your issues? It does sound like there’s a bigger issue here.

Scrap that, just seen your latest post. I didn’t want to shout LTB at you but it seems like it might be the best option for you. By the sounds of it you don’t have trouble attracting other men and you’ve never felt he’s valued you anyway, so life’s too short LTB!

@ohthegoats no as I have no problems attracting other men

OK, it's over I think really. He doesn't find you (as) attractive, and he irritates you. Sounds like it would be a relief to be free of both of those things.

1500 calories a day is a lot

It isn't.

I'd rather be able to say look you aren't attracted to me life is too short for us to stay together in that case
Then this is exactly what you do.
You are happy as you are.
He either accepts that or you can separate and he can see how well he does!