I'm sure this is a common topic in this forum, and I'm sure I'm going to be pounced on for selfishness, but maybe the vipers can put things into perspective for me.
We are a blended family. My DC (8 & 10) and his DC (10, 10, & 7). We have mine most of the time. We have his 50% of the time.
DH is furloughed. I am working from home (I spend 9 till 6pm in the bedroom working on my laptop). The kids play in their bedrooms for the most part. At 6pm I come downstairs to relax on the sofa with DH. I am Autistic (this is relevant).
On the days when DH's kids are here, we get zero alone time, so when I come downstairs at 6pm to 'relax' after having spent all day working in the bedroom, I still have kids climbing all over us, constant asking for things, commentating over the TV. They refuse to go upstairs. One of them is particularly stubborn and says: "Why have us here if you don't want to spend time with us" (this is what I think MN will say). DH replies to his DC saying "You have all day to spend time with me, we adults just want a couple of hours to ourselves in the evening". His kids don't listen and stick around. DH makes a few half-hearted attempts at telling them to go upstairs and then accepts defeat and starts engaging with them. My kids don't do this. They respect the fact that we like to relax in the evening. They come downstairs for the occasional drink, but that's it.
The situation is not helped by the fact that DH thought it would be a good idea to let them stay up every night until we adults go to bed (around 11pm). He made this decision because when we were trying to put the kids to bed at 9.30pm, his kids (not mine) would start tantruming and other delay tactics, so they ended up going to sleep at 11pm anyway. At the time, DH said "You can go to bed when we adults go to bed IF you give us time alone in the evenings." The kids agreed to this. A few weeks have passed and this has not happened. We still have an audience every evening.
The overstimulation for me personally, triggers sensory overload. After a day of working alone my mental health needs to relax and connect with DH. When there is always at least one child asking questions, bumping into me as he pounces on his dad, and commentating over TV, criticising what we are watching, playing his ipad loud - I start feeling shaky and anxious. Recently I've started going to bed early. And I lye awake seething with resentment.
I'm prepared for MN to say IABU, 'it's only 50% of the time'. 'You hate his kids.'
I do NOT hate his kids. I connect and get on very well with them. I make a big effort to initiate conversations. But lockdown (no school) means that this is incredibly pronounced with no end in sight till September. We've lived like this since the schools closed.