Hi, I am new here.
I need to share my story or I will go mad, sorry for a long post.
I'm 30, husband 33 and we have a 4 year old boy together. Together for 14 years, the only serious relationship we both ever had. Majority of our life together was focussed on our careers but we encouraged and motivated each other and it kept us closely together. Of course we had our ups and downs, often arguing about petty things. We both have good jobs, nice things and generally consider ourselves to be lucky. Until now...
To keep it as short as I can, we tried for another baby for 2 years without success. We both really wanted another child and eventually I got pregnant last December. Unfortunately it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. That's when it all started.
I was obviously devastated, i think we both were, however he seemed to have been more upset about something else...
So, when they suspected an ectopic, the sent me straight to hospital where I went through lots of test and seen different consultants. They also advised a physical examination to which we both agreed. It was conducted by a male consultant and my husband got very upset after that. He started acting very strange, went very quite on me but I thought that he was just upset about loosing the baby. Later that night he woke me up asking how could I let another man touch my private parts, he was very angry and upset. I didn't know what to say I was so overwhelmed, I could't comprehend why this mattered so much when we just lost a pregnancy.
Anyway, fastforward 7 months and everything is different now. I have been labelled a cheat, he completely stopped any affection towards me, we sleep in separate beds, only had sex few times since then.
I am so overwhelmed with this situation, it feels like it is a nightmare which I can't wake up from. I was dreaming to have a big family for so long and now my husband became a stranger. There are few odd days that he is better, and talks to me and has a lough but most of the time he avoids me and will only have a brief chat about general things.
I tried and tried talking to him, he says he doesn't want to talk and I am only making it worse by starting a conversation. Counselling is completely out of the question at this point. I do not know what else to do, should I give him more time? Although he says that he isn't sure if he can ever get over it.
It seems such an awful reason to split up and break up our family but life is so difficult at the moment and I look after my boy 90% of the time as I am on furlough and he works. He is generally a good husband, he is intelligent and used to be very loving. I thought we were very strong together and I feel completely overwhelmed. He was always quite jeoulous of me, he thinks that literally everybody fancies me, which is of course not the case.
I guess i would like to hear your opinions on this. Sometimes I feel that being in this situation I can't think straight any more, have I really messed up or is he being unreasonable?
Thanks for reading x