Would you be annoyed if husband sent money to his mum without telling you?

[ShouldIbe]

Kind of just that really...

Would you be annoyed if your husband sent money home to his mum without you being included in any discussions. I’m talking thousands....and we are not wealthy.

I’ve approached him about it and said it would be nice if we had a discussion about it because it is our family money, not his. I also have parents who don’t need money but that’s not the point. Basically I get a large Fuck you in reply.
It’s not that I wouldn’t want to help it’s just the not being part of the discussion at all.

*hope you are okay.

There is absolutely no excuse for your DH treating you with such disrespect. Does his Mum need the money for anything in particular? I was thinking health care or is it just to spend on stuff? My dh gives his parents very generous cash sums for their birthday, Xmas and Mother and Father's day. I also know that before we married he gave his Mum a credit card on his account in case she had an appliance break or any other mini emergency. She never used it. I know this because I heard him telling her he didn't want her scrimping and scraping when he could afford to help her out. I have also helped out my sister by buying her a car when hers broke and she needed one to get to work. We are not wealthy but comfortable, do can afford to offer help to family if we see them in need. We always discuss when one of us wants to help out family though. I love in-laws because they treat my children from my first marriage exactly like their own grandchild and I would agree to give them anything we could afford. It helps as they have no dd of their own and DH says they love me more than him. Your DH sounds full of himself and I would be pulling him up on his behaviour. If he did not improve I would leave. This is a dreadful role model for your children to see him pushing and swearing at you.

I think if you RTFT caringcarer (or even the OPs posts) you would realise this is a pretty serious situation.

Not sure the OP will be back - this is pretty full on abuse & I think shes just going to bolt with nothing. Which of course then means getting nothing because he will send all the money abroad & bugger off. Or send it abroad & refuse to move out of/sell the house.

I'd be properly pissed off. When I had a partner I'd definitely have discussed it with him. No way would I send all our money to my mother without at least discussing it ff's.
It shows he just doesn't care what you think about it and vice versa if a woman did it.

Oh God OP I just saw he wants to install his mother into your home. I would divorce and make him pay maintenance. Does he have other children in Africa?

I’ve been with my mum for a few day’s now and I won’t be going back. I managed to get around £500. I took all the evidence I could, screenshots of the money in the accounts, his pension and photos of the money in the safe, he also has my jewellery in their, copy of tax returns and anything else I could find. I found a solicitor who I have sent it all to.
I know you will all be annoyed but I couldn’t do it.
He has threatened to kill himself if I don’t return and has also said he will sign up to anger management but I have had enough now, I hate my life with him.

Couldn’t take the money that is.

Well done OP. Abusers always say they’ll kill themselves, sadly he probably won’t and is just using this to try and control you

Well done what matters is you are out!!!

I hope you get your jewellery back at some point

Yeah suicide threats, he's read the abusers script 😳

I don't think you should have taken money from the safe either fwiw. But it's your jewellery and you are entitled to half the joint bank account. Is there anyone that would go back with you to get your stuff, jewellery etc? He doesn't have to know you have been in the safe.
He's lost control that's why he feels that way. Scary as it's a really bad sign.

Well done though for doing the photos and solicitor! Without that proof it's impossible and if he wants to stay here for children etc he will have to abide by the courts decision!

The £500 was not form the safe but from all the stuff I’ve sold.

Just caught up with this thread OP.

I am sooo happy that you are out of there. Do not go back - he won't change his behaviours.

Go and get some legal advice and work on the future for you and your DC. Even if it's hard it will be worth it.

Stay strong

I think it's for the best you didn't take the money from the safe.
Well done for leaving and getting a solicitor. This is the start of your new life, stay strong and use MN for advice. There are some very knowledgeable women here. X

Well done for getting out, OP - I just hope he can't trace you

I think you've done the right thing not taking the money but silently getting proof.

I'm just really glad you're out of there OP. Honestly it was the best thing I ever did leaving my DCs father. Have you confided in your mum and dad?

Stay strong, he will try every trick in the book to get you to go back. You just have to keep remembering what he put you through, and that if he wanted to make you happy he would have listened to you instead of telling you to fuck off and insulting you.

💐

I have over the past year lost all the respect for him and I don’t love him anymore. I don’t want to go back. He knows where I am as I’m at my parents. They know a bit, they never liked him so are happy.

He can sit at home now and keep the safe door open and admire his money...nothing will make him happy though, he was never a happy person.

He can sit at home now and keep the safe door open and admire his money...nothing will make him happy though, he was never a happy person

Just like mine was, seriously!

Absolute tossers

I'm so glad to read that you are out, OP. Best of luck to you!

@ShouldIbe well done for leaving and as for you not taking the money - sometimes your health and children are more important. Like you said you have a long time to make up that money.

How are you doing?