Found my CHEATING husband on illicit encounters

[EmeliaLily]

I posted a month ago about my suspicions that my husband is acting strange during covid, and constantly looking at his phone. I put it down to lockdown and all of us acting a bit differently at home without being able to socialise like before..

I feel so STUPID and distraught, at one point I even asked him outright and he just told me I was being silly. And all this time he's been on a married dating site - are you kidding me? I didn't even know these kind of places existed.

We've been together for 12 years, and I always thought our relationship is good, we're a family and have kids, I just don't know what to do at the moment.

He told me he's only been doing it because he's felt lonely being out of work, I mean what? Are you serious! He's tried to play it down and said he hasn't actually met anybody it was all just chatting to pass the time, I mean how would this make you feel?

Do I forgive him because it was all online and make him delete everything or should I be outraged? I mean if he's talking to women surely he'd want to meet some of them and maybe hasn't had any luck with corona. I just don't know right now, at the moment I've told him to stay with his brother while I sort my head out.

He's spending money to cheat on you. It's all pre-meditated. It will get worse and he has shown his true colours. I'm sorry, OP. I would leave. End of

I'm so sorry. Illicit Encounters is a hosting site for a number of other websites like socasual.com Men have to pay but women get a free account and all your activity is stored. You can even show a calendar for others to view of when you hooked up with someone.

I think unless he let's you see and you can confirm it was all just fluff, your marriage is over. If he doesn't let you see or has deleted the messages you've no way of knowing if he has met anyone or planned to.

I am so sorry.

From what @RedRocketGirl said, @EmeliaLily no-one would pay that much just to message!

IE is a site for those intent on meeting someone, you have to be serious about an affair to pay those prices as a man. It's free for women.

I bet he’s ringing you, he’s totting up how much it would cost you to divorce once you’ve had your settlement & his pension.

Start getting financial documents out the house.

@TwentyViginti

That is a damn good way of putting it, Twenty.

I found mine on fetish dating sites. He swore he'd never contacted anyone, was just looking at people.

Since then I've discovered he was sexting other men, pretending to be a woman(!). Don't believe their first story, he'll minimise as much as you let him. At least demand time to think.

I work for one of these sites - don't bother flaming me - and I can categorically say in the thousands of men on this sites I guarantee he would have met or was planning to meet a woman or man.

The sites are very expensive and you don't pay that much just to chat. The men disappear for a few days usually and come back and say they were found out but carry on regardless. All of them, every single one.

He's literally cheating by joining the website alone, as he's made a conscious decision to go and find a woman to chat up. Sorry OP.

I think this is what you mean @MyOwnSummer

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

you might not like this advice, but I would say that I'd try and have a frank conversation with him about why he did it, even if you do decide to divorce. You may have felt you had a happy marriage, he obviously doesn't.

Well that's a spanner in the works, I can't believe he's PAID to talk to these women!!!!!!! I am LITERALLY seeing red! How dare he!!!!!!!!

if it was just chatting why not show you-theres your answer

you can make new friends anywhere facebook twitter doesnt have to be married dating sites does it

just cross post a paid site?? well that makes it worse you dont do that just to make friends

@RedRocketGirl @StarbucksQueen @WanderingLost167 @Flittingabout and @SoulofanAggron

You're all absolutely right. I tried to make a mans account and it does require you pay, you can't even read a message without paying. What a scumbag! Nice of him to omit this part

[quote TheSecondMrsAshwell]@TwentyViginti

That is a damn good way of putting it, Twenty.[/quote]
Thank you, Mrs Ashwell.

Yes, OP. Paying for the chat is adding insult to injury.

But in recent months he's been especially snappy, distant and cold.

Typical behaviour of a man with something to hide, as I learnt from bitter experience.

you saw your husband in the middle of town, with a huge sign round his neck saying I'M MARRIED BUT WANT TO SHAG OTHER WOMEN.

@TwentyViginti only he's paying for the privilege. Total insult - exactly that!! A whole new anger has stirred up inside me

So sorry you are going through this. I'd be pretty pissed off to put it mildly

Your anger will help you OP, don't be fooled again.

Apols to a pp who works for IE, but what sick world are we living in, that someone/people are making money hand over fist (no pun intended) off the back of misery! An affair safe place - utter shit! How utterly shameful can you get really. It depresses me, it really does!

VenusTiger note that men have to pay, but women can join for free. Men have always been willing to pay for illicit sex, if it's guaranteed to happen.

Who have I married, who is this man :(

If he had told you the truth about how far it went, he would have no reason not to let you look at his phone
Id expect him to offer it to you later but everything will be cleaned off it
He wasn't paying all that money just to chat.

Get a friend to set up a profile (or you do) on a few sites and see if he pops up on them

[quote EmeliaLily]**@RedRocketGirl* @StarbucksQueen* @WanderingLost167 @Flittingabout and @SoulofanAggron

You're all absolutely right. I tried to make a mans account and it does require you pay, you can't even read a message without paying. What a scumbag! Nice of him to omit this part [/quote]
I'm really sorry that you are going through this, it's so crap.

If you have a lot of disposable income then what might seem like a lot to many really isn't and therefore there is the tiny chance he was looking for sex chat and willing to pay for it. But I imagine it is far more likely he was looking to actually cheat and therefore worth the subs to meet women.

It is a terrible shock you have had. Unfortunately it could be the tip of the iceberg.