Why did I trust him - such a fool

[Meadow1203]

It seems I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I moved to France last year, sold up in the UK and bought a house with my DP which needs major renovation. We had a dream to make a lovely home with a couple of gites, be self sufficient . That was until 3 days ago when announced that we are finished.
He is convinced that I had sex with my ex in Feb, when I had to go back to the UK, I did not and he thinks I have been talking to my ex which I have not other than a text a few week ago about our adult son. I am on good terms with my ex who I was with for 20 years and he hates it, he asked me to not talk to him anymore which I pretty much have.
So rewind 3 days ago, out of the blue he has messaged my ex's gf and told her that I have sleep with her bf, she has sent me very nasty messages.
I am devastated, I am here with no support, no money, friends or family, my dream has been smashed to pieces. Am having major panic attacks and feel sick to my stomach. I am stuck here and just don't know what to do.

Morning hun, I just private messaged you - I also just re read yours and my posts from Feb/ March 2019 and neither of us have had the courage or maybe the opportunity to ditch these vile creatures and move on - life is too short and I think this year is the time we either move on or we will be suffering forever and allowing them to behave the way that they do.

Thank Pink I have pm you.
So I have stuck to my guns, he was repeatedly asking for the £500 yesterday even making up that I agreed to give him the money.
He came home last night and walked up to me and said £500, I quietly said no. These were the last words we have spoken. I don't even know where this money thing has come from.
What a fool I have been

Op how is your will set up?

Do you have life insurance?

This guy's attitude towards you and your money/assets is disturbing.

You need to get some help and support quickly if you don't have any. Tell them he's trying to extort money out of you, which he is

And stop beating yourself up about being "a fool", many people have been.

Normal people don't think like him (of people of his I'll) so are not prepared for them/switched into them.

*or people of his ilk

Gilbert As I said at the beginning the house is in my name, we are not married. I agree his thought process is disturbing. I have have told friends and told my mum yesterday, she said she had been worried all along. Also he upset my step dad by messaging him saying stupid things, SD is lovely, so not happy. I thought we could be civilised but clearly not. If I gave in to the 500 it would be something else next

I just wondered who you have willed it to, and who the beneficiary of any life insurance might be.

So glad you've told people and I hope you can get some support over there.

Well done, OP! You are doing so well. When he asks you for money, ask him to pay for the van if he is keeping it. It belongs to you even though it is registered in his name. Every time he appears ask him to take his belongings and to pay what he owes you.

What a fool I have been
Indeed - but you are moving on from this now.
Don't dwell.
You are slowing finding your backbone!
Keep rising from the ashes OP.
You know you CAN do this.
Keep going.
Keep gaining strength.
You will get there!

Are there any posters who live in France and can advise op on how best to manage this situation via the police etc if it gets (even worse) .. it's depressing that ok thinks there is absolutely no point in calling the police there.

This man is obviously taking full advantage of the fact that op is there on her own without support/backup.

If I gave in to the 500 it would be something else next

Why should you even have given him 500? You've "given" him.a camper van and he's lived off you while getting rental income from.his own property for some time.

But yes, you're 100% right, he's a user/ extorter and he'll keep tapping you like a vein if you let him.

There must be a solicitor in the nearest town who speaks English and could help you with this problem. You have a rental agreement and you wish to exclude someone from the property. This is your right and I'm sure French law allows this.

I feel asleep on the bed and in the morning ex was next to me also fully clothed

He crossed a bit of a line there, IMO. You didn't.

I don't believe your DP has an OW by the way, I think he's 'just' paranoid.

Soulo ex has apologised said he had crossed a line but what is done is done. He will never believe me and would use it it beat me over the head, I don't want to live like that.

He sounds generally very volatile, malicious and like a loose cannon (not even getting onto the financial extortion/exploitation) .. he's been jealous and controlling even before the house party incident, he's contacted your ex's partner and trash talked, contacted your SD and trash talked, called you a whore at a dinner where you tried to discuss your situation and you e both gotten into some sort of scuffle (which I imagine you're underplaying and which would have been more of a risk.tk.yih as the weaker person) .... not a person you want to be in a relationship with full stop.

Not even touching the money angle.

*more of a risk to you as the weaker person

Gilbert exactly. I am going to try and reason with him. Hire a van take his stuff and pick up a couple up a couple of items I have at his. I am doing me best to be civilsed.

Update, so I asked him to go to neutral place I told him it has been over three weeks since he ended it and it is time for him to go. Suggested we hire a van to collect my stuff and take his away. Upshot he did not agree and packed as much as he can and left, said he will be back in 2 weeks to collect the rest. He has texted this morning saying he was sorry but thought I was going to come up with solution. He really is deranged. Oh and if I give him 500 he would finish doing my bathroom, it is surreal.

You are doing so well, Meadow. It is good that you are communicating by text as it gives a written record. What stuff do you need to collect from him? Can you do this in a taxi or is it big stuff that needs a van? I would get this sorted straight away. He might take his frustrations out on your possessions. I wonder why he needs the £500 so badly. Might be gambling debts or something similar. Anyway, you are well out of it.

OP whereabouts in France are you? There are plenty of MNers all over the country who can probably help put you in touch with local networks, find legal advice etc.

Big stuff like a dresser so gonna Re the £500 he has just convinced himself that I agree to pay him that. He feels entitled to my money because of the work he has done on my house. I am in the Dordogne would love to hear from other Mnetters in the area

But you have given him the camper van. Make sure you document this. If it is a gift to him tell him the value in a text so that he can't pretend he didn't know. I still think you should look for legal representation. You have property in the area so you need to have a lawyer that you can use to represent you.

I'd kick him out, keep the property and do it myself.
Do not have him back ever though

HE has gone . I have written the camper van off, it is in his name.