Why did I trust him - such a fool

[Meadow1203]

It seems I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I moved to France last year, sold up in the UK and bought a house with my DP which needs major renovation. We had a dream to make a lovely home with a couple of gites, be self sufficient . That was until 3 days ago when announced that we are finished.
He is convinced that I had sex with my ex in Feb, when I had to go back to the UK, I did not and he thinks I have been talking to my ex which I have not other than a text a few week ago about our adult son. I am on good terms with my ex who I was with for 20 years and he hates it, he asked me to not talk to him anymore which I pretty much have.
So rewind 3 days ago, out of the blue he has messaged my ex's gf and told her that I have sleep with her bf, she has sent me very nasty messages.
I am devastated, I am here with no support, no money, friends or family, my dream has been smashed to pieces. Am having major panic attacks and feel sick to my stomach. I am stuck here and just don't know what to do.

You need to get rid. He is trying to destroy you emotionally and will move on to your finances next.
He’s a free loader.

Please don't let him throw a grenade into your relationship, and not pay any consequences. Do not employ him, feed him or house him.

He's chose this, he needs to make new plans and so do you. Kick him out, take a day to wallow, then start planning what you will do next to make a life you will enjoy.

I guess he calculated that he is going to better off with leaving relationship. With free lodgings + food + 750E + outings (!!!) he worked it out for himself.

Please ask him to move out within next 48 hours.
He can collect his stuff later.

You need some space to work out what you want. People will be staying over in the next few weeks so you won't be alone.

Don't let him manipulate you into any decisions which you may regret later!

He may even be planning to get back with you later (when his bank account looks better...)

Haja what? He wants you to pay him -an unhinged looney- money to stay in your house?

Well sod that for a game of soldiers!

Tell him to bugger off asap and never contact you again.

And they all want to remain 'friends' so that they can continue to maipulate and abuse you.

I don't know about you, but my friends don't treat me like shit and then even have the audacity to ask me for handouts.

Thinking about it, I'd get revenge by saying "I won't be paying you. My ex is going to come and finish the property. You threw a grenade into his relationship, they split up and he is on his way. Make sure you are gone with all your belongings within 12 hours and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Best of luck to you and I'll be blocking you on all communication channels for obvious reasons. Respect that I never want to hear from you again - just as I have respected your decision to move on."

Why on earth does your ex's gf believe your dp? Tell him to fuck off. Pay him to live rent free while he pisses about doing a hobby build at his leisure, get to fuck!

He wants to separate and remain friends . Said he would like to stay and finish the house and I can pay him 750 a months and feed him We can also go for meals and outings. He is waiting for me to reply to his email.

Oh I bet he does... I hope you laughed very loudly at this ridiculous oppressive suggestion.. this man wants to emotionally financially and physically dependently under his control... I do hope you can see what he has done OP...

He has been so calculating .. he wanted your ex out of your life.. he did not care how... he wants all of you under his control... and you're considering handing everything of yourself over to him, your property.. your finances.. your independence ... your thoughts.. will all belong to him.. FUCK THAT.... say no and make him leave.. his property being rented out is not your problem..

and STOP explaining yourself to HIM...

He finished with you, so you have every right to ask him to leave (and the sooner, the better). It does sound extremely calculated from his end. It took him 4/5 months to chuck his toys after your alleged cheating? I don’t think so. Now he has invented himself free board and lodgings and a regular wage. I’m so sorry lovely, but I hope you can find your anger soon.

So , he is still in the house and he emails you .
Email back “ Pack your things and go .”

He's realised he has nowhere to go.....

Again thank you for your messages. He has my camper van so has options. Yes he emails me, has asked to talk a couple of times but I am too upset, and will end crying and show myself up. My mum just called, could not tell her what is going on. She asked what I was doing for my birthday and had admit nothing, told her DP is working away,.

Your camper van..?! He's an ultimate cheeky bastard. Tell him to go. Don't lend him anything. He's parasitic and has been trying to get you absolutely under his control. You need to get angry now... how dare he. And tell your mum.

I bought the van but he renovated it, I put it in his name so little I can do about that.

Meadow
It’s time to get angry.
You be subsidised his lifestyle and he s taken advantage.
Please don’t give him any more money. Get rid and start again
YOU CAN DO THIS !

I should be angry but I am not just sad. Just picked some lovely veg from our veg plot just don't have the stomach to eat them. To be fair about money his income has supported us since lock down.

He has somewhere to live then, so you can legitimately tell him to go, and stay gone and you will be able to pick up the pieces just fine.

It will get easier! I promise

@Meadow1203 call your mum back and tell her what has happened please. She’ll likely rally the troops to help you.

I noticed that people said claim benefits

However, in France I don't believe that you can claim until you have paid into their system

I agree find a local support network asap

Tell your family

Just an idea
When I was younger
I worked renovating some ancient buildings in France, with a group of youngsters for a couple of weeks, manual labour stuff in the summer
We paid our own travel
We slept in the barns
We were provided daily with French bread, salad & wine
One evening paella
One toilet & shower
Fresh water spring
I know it's virus times
But some people may be interested in helping you with your project

Good luck

Your campervan!

Omg, he's a creep and a half isn't he?

He wants you to pay him, feed him, and amuse him, while he rents out his own house!

I'm so angry (and obvious too invested) on your behalf!

I hate to say it, but I suspect he has someone else too. He's leaving his options open with you. His fall-back girl.

It doesn’t feel like it now but you’re well rid. You’ve been sleepwalking in this relationship for far too bloody long, which has led you to make some very unwise decisions.

Kick him out, write off the camper van if he refuses to repay your part in the investment and think long and hard why you placed so much faith in this very poor bet.

Are you French yourself OP? Or if not, do you speak French fluently? Do not entertain any of his bullshit in any case.

OP you have now seen clearly who he is.. it's not very attractive is it... I hope you keep this horrible man out of your life...but I do sense a yearning to resume the relationship..I hope I am wrong

I bought the van but he renovated it, I put it in his name so little I can do about that.

He's rather good at taking, isn't he.

Or strictly speaking, he's rather good at getting you to give .. and even after blowing up some unproveable nonsense in order to end the relationship, he's still trying to get you to give.

You should tell your family and get some support.