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Original poster

Why did I trust him - such a fool

178 replies

Meadow1203 · 02/07/2020 11:45

It seems I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I moved to France last year, sold up in the UK and bought a house with my DP which needs major renovation. We had a dream to make a lovely home with a couple of gites, be self sufficient . That was until 3 days ago when announced that we are finished.
He is convinced that I had sex with my ex in Feb, when I had to go back to the UK, I did not and he thinks I have been talking to my ex which I have not other than a text a few week ago about our adult son. I am on good terms with my ex who I was with for 20 years and he hates it, he asked me to not talk to him anymore which I pretty much have.
So rewind 3 days ago, out of the blue he has messaged my ex's gf and told her that I have sleep with her bf, she has sent me very nasty messages.
I am devastated, I am here with no support, no money, friends or family, my dream has been smashed to pieces. Am having major panic attacks and feel sick to my stomach. I am stuck here and just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 05/07/2020 08:47

He's a parasite, who also has been unjustifiably jealous and suspicious during your relationship (using being cheated on by ex as one of his excuses); the latter is v stressful to deal with and very unfair.

You don't do time for someone else's crime (even if his ex really did cheat on him).

That's not even getting onto the way he's dumped you, and is now trying to continue to live off you.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 07/07/2020 11:22

Well we seem to have reached a stalemate. I have suggested we hire a van and take his stuff somewhere and collect a few things from his. He wanted to stay and finish the work, staying as a friend. Made a mistake of going for lunch, too much alcohol and we had a massive fight that got physical. I am deeply ashamed I lost it because he kept calling me a whore and he was very threatening. We have not spoken since then and he has stayed in his van. I have sent him a message saying we need to sit down and sort a plan, this was yesterday and still waiting. Oh dear

OP posts:
chemicalworld · 07/07/2020 11:42

He isn't your friend OP. A friend wouldn't do this, you cannot trust him.

It isn't HIS van either, it's yours.

overlooker · 07/07/2020 12:20

Stop meeting up with him! If he gets you arrested then you’re in big trouble. You need to get rid of him and then sort the rest out. Why on Earth you would move to France and give everything up with Brexit looming I don’t know. You might not even be allowed to stay there! You really need a plan for getting back to the UK, forget about your ex and his love life. It’s down to him to sort out. You’ve done nothing wrong here. Stop talking to the other arsehole. He’s abusive. Can you put the property back on the market and get back to the UK?

AnneKipanki · 07/07/2020 13:50

Do not even meet with him .
Pack his stuff up . Bin bags ,. Email him to pick it up .

AnneKipanki · 07/07/2020 13:51

Sit down and plan ....oh no , the time for planning is gone.

JudyGemstone · 07/07/2020 13:56

Jut take the van back, if you can prove you paid for it it's yours.

No more boozy lunches with him, he is not your mate!

If you don't speak french I'd consider selling at a loss and coming back to the U.K. at this point. Was this always your dream or was it his and he sold you on it?

prowlingbrooms · 07/07/2020 14:24

He is really really really bad news. Calling you a whore and getting threatening? He is either a manipulative freak or mentally unwell. You must get out.

MondayYogurt · 07/07/2020 14:40

It's not a coincidence that you are islolated and reliant on him. It's what he wants.

No more texting him. You're not going to get the answer you want, you're going to get his list of requirements (perhaps he will deign to stay if you also do all his washing too?)

LannieDuck · 07/07/2020 15:41

He wanted to stay and finish the work, staying as a friend.

A friend doesn't accuse you of things you didn't do, call you a whore or threaten you. He's not your friend.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/07/2020 22:11

He's USING you for MONEY and a HOME.. get a grip of your self respect and ditch his ass and get your stuff back.. Flowers

6demandingchildren · 07/07/2020 23:30

I would tell him that you couldn't remain friends as what if your next partner doesn't like you being friends with an ex? He obviously has double standards.

Sillymee · 08/07/2020 02:11

Can your adult son not help? Like speak to your vile ex partner and say get the fuck out of my mums house and leave HER camper van behind and move on you begging tramp. If you are struggling for cash can you not sell your camper van? I assume you brought the house as it is and was
Planning to do it up, so why can’t you put it on the market as a project? Sell up and move back the uk, why would you want to stay in France on your own with this freak acting like
You owe him a favour. And his ex wife ALLEGEDLY had an affair.. because don’t forget he will tell his next girlfriend that you also had an affair!! Sounds like a con artist to me, pretends people have done bad to him oh but I still want to be your friend/builder/ pay me and feed me please.. a real builder might not even cost you that much for the amount of work he would actually be doing! I get your sad but it’s time to man up now, you have a lot to lose here if you don’t toughen up abit, this is YOUR money and your sons one day- don’t be the mother that allowed some creep to take it all

Anordinarymum · 08/07/2020 02:22

Just a thought.. could it be that the thought of making a life there is so daunting that he has blown things out of all proportion in order to leave you. It may be that he actually believes the lies he is making up and is in need of help?

Scratchyback · 08/07/2020 10:56

Sounds to me like he’s guilting you into doing exactly what he wants. He knows there’s not been any shenanigans. He knows you’re away from your son, family and friends and he can get you to do what he wants. Start getting angry op, you didn’t sleep with the ex, you’ve done nothing wrong. I’d be willing to bet he bloody knows this.

JudyGemstone · 08/07/2020 17:17

Anordinarymum he's already lived there for 18 years

BumbleBeee69 · 08/07/2020 22:59

OP will cave to this cretins demands... he has won

GilbertMarkham · 08/07/2020 23:14

No decent man would call you a whore, once let alone repeatedly.

He's fucked in the head, nasty attitude towards women, a misogynist.

And a user, please don't let him use you (or abuse you) any further.

Jullyria · 09/07/2020 03:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 23/07/2020 11:59

Thought I would give an update. So he is still here, has been a very stressful time. I had agreed he would stay to do the gite and then he can move on but it is very difficult.
Financially I have cashed in my pension so at least I can eat and live He has just sent a text asking for £500 as he thinks I owe him that as he has supported us over the past few months. Before that I had supported us. My head is all over the place, I am in such a bad place.

OP posts:
newnamewhuuu · 23/07/2020 12:38

Oh @Meadow1203 he’s really doing a number on you, isn’t he. He has no entitlement to anything of yours. He really needs to leave now. Can you get some family support?

Noodles4Me · 23/07/2020 12:59

Not sure what you want here OP? You have been advised what to do many times, but you've ignored and let him leech more.

Is it just to vent?

I'm out

Pinkielove · 23/07/2020 13:32

Please please please do not let him mess with your head - he has done this time and time again, this isnt the first time he has got physical, so get rid now while you still can, there has to be a better life out there. I have sent you a private message - I am in the same situation and hate my life but now is the time to act - life is too short to be unhappy and the blokes we have chosen are controlling, useless, selfish manipulative idiots. Please do not let him back in xxxxxxxxxx

NoToast · 23/07/2020 13:46

He'll hang around until he's bled you dry then take everything he can. Then he'll do the same thing to th next woman he meets. You'll have cheated on him and broke his heart and she'll be fixing him.

Tell him to piss off.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/07/2020 13:53

Why have you still not found your anger with this fucking abusive gobshite!!?????
I'm angry for you.
Dig deep OP.
Find it and tell him to fuck the fuck off!