Feeling smothered by partner - Please help

[Greystorminthesky]

My partner is basically a good man and I do have to stress here that there isn’t any coercion into sex.

However, I’m finding his general behaviour really suffocating. He constantly has to be touching me. Even just watching tv he has to sit right by me and have an arm around me, stroke my hair/neck, stroke my thigh. He’s the same in bed sleeping to the point where I am terrified to move as it starts him off again with grabbing and stroking and wanting to hold my hand. When we are out walking he always wants to hold hands and I know some people love this but I don’t - it’s restrictive and just feels a bit odd!

I do think a huge part of the problem is me. I was VERY independent before I met him and I haven’t actually lived with a man before. So I know some of it is just culture-shock. Just the same surely I should be able to send a text, browse here or FB or something without someone over my shoulder? Or is this just what it’s like when you’re in a couple?

@Greystorminthesky - my DP is v tactile and it took me a little while to get used to it. I did have to tell him that I don't like to be stroked, hair, arm, leg etc but much preferred a firm hand resting on me. Also, I hate touching in bed so we have a 10 min cuddle then I roll away. I love the handholding when walking but not indoors. On the sofa, I lie down and rest my feet on his lap, that way I get my space but he gets contact.

What I'm saying is that it's about compromise and finding out what works for you both. I think a face to face convo about this would be better than a text msg.

I would add that as a result I am much more tactile myself and love to surprise him with random hugs, which he appreciates so much, which in turn encourages me to do it more.

HTH and good luck.

I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions but I really feel for you. My ex was like this and I was so relieved to have a shower to get away from the pawing but then he started inviting himself in there too.

I emailed him my concerns. No response. Tried again, no response. Tried in person, that got shut down. Tried again. In the end for my own sanity, I left.