Does your H ever storm off when you're out?

[Checkers88]

Just that really.
I have a pretty dysfunctional family background so I don't really trust my own judgement on this. My H has stormed off (or threatened to storm off but not followed through) many times over the years, whether we are out with dc or just us. He did it yesterday on a family walk and even said goodbye to dc etc and I had to try and plead with him not to go. He didn't in the end, apologised an hour or so later. It's just the straw that's broken the camels back. Is this normal for an adult man? Seriously?
For context it's generally over a minor disagreement or misunderstanding that he will amp up to 11. Yesterday it was over something easily brushed off and within 10 mins it was "I'm going home". So many times before as well.
Feel so, so done and depressed today I just can't take it any more.

I used to fancy him and we had a good sex life btw. Just as I used to believe his promises and apologies and his good side, and I used to want to make plan with him. Now I don't and every time he does this shit it's worse. It's all so self fulfilling. Lockdown hasn't helped- I feel like I'm frozen in place. Need to act but so scared. I've lost confidence and have I guess come to rely on him when it's just been the 3 of us in lockdown. Breaking it all up feels so scary.

I think it’s fairly normal that you might have a bit too much “togetherness” and feel narky at each other - I can certainly picture a day out where DP and I manufactured a need to take each DC somewhere separately for ten minutes to get a bit of space and then meet up, refreshed and ready to get on with the day. But not storming out. And I wouldn’t be begging anyone not to go. Let them!

I’m really sorry you’ve been going through this, but bear in mind everything you do sets an example for your DD, don’t bring her up to think appeasing men is the right thing. Better to be independent, and have your own standards than let him set his.

Controlling and abusive behaviour. Its the only way he knows and he does it because he likes doing it - he positively enjoys fucking you up.
Bet he does not storm off at work. He has ground you down with this walking on eggshells and being gaslighted (gaslit)? But, inside you is a strong woman, a strong mother and you will find enough rage to get rid of this useless twat.

My XH used to do this. He'd engineer a row in the street and then stomp off leaving the kids crying.

Or he'd threaten to walk out the house, start packing suitcases etc.

I used to cry and beg like others on this thread (to my eternal shame).

It wears you down. It chips away at your love and respect. One day I thought fuck this and kicked him out.

Despite all this, I treated him so well, did everything for him, supported him financially during the years he was unemployed, helped his family financially, made no demands etc etc. And he treated me like a piece of shit under his shoe.

I'm not going to say LTB. But you will at some point reach your own personal breaking point.

Change is scary, but so is living like this for the rest of your life.

Yep, he's now stbexh

I haven’t read everything but No, I don’t think it is normal for an adult man.

@planningaheadtoday
I was in tears reading your story. I'm so sorry for what that despicable person did to you and your children, and hope he is no longer impacting your life the same way. 🌷

PawPawPaw This fucker's fantasy woman requires an air pump and a valve cause no other woman would/should tolerate him after the OP dumps his ass! (Plastic vinyl inflatable meets the description)

He did it yesterday on a family walk and even said goodbye to dc etc and I had to try and plead with him not to go.
Do not plead with him. Just say "Bye then, see you later", every single time he does it.
Meanwhile spend some time thinking about whether you really want to be with him. It sounds from your posts as if you don't want to.
Don't stay with him because you are afraid no one will want you. Even if you weren't to find someone, the single life is also great and you have DC already.
Work on your own self-esteem and creating your own life in your own right before starting a new relationship otherwise you will end up with a similar partner in the future - these types prey on women with low self-esteem.

No never. He sounds like he has anger / ego issues unfortunately.

No this is not normal.

I have stormed off from my husband once. We had a 3 month old, had just moved house and he was being an immature arsehole and I'd tried talking to him on a walk to the shop. It turned into the worst fight we've ever had (pretty much hissed at each other so we wouldnt be overheard, plus DS was asleep) and he lashed out and said something very hurtful.

I just turned and walked away. Had I had my bag that was in the pram he was pushing I think he'd have come back to find me with my bags packed but instead I was stuck sitting in the garden until they got back. He sat down next to me and we talked more calmly and worked it out. We both made changes and he recognised that he'd been an arse and stopped doing it.

But that's how serious it is in our relationship. It's never been threatened or held over anybody's head as manipulation it was an honest reaction to the only time we nearly broke up in a 10 year relationship. It wouldn't happen now as DS is 3 and we wouldn't fight in front of him; the fact that he acts like that in front of you daughter is awful.

@Checkers88
Whether or not you decide to stay with this man (and the major tone of your posts puts this in doubt) I would recommend you get some counselling for yourself (not with him) to try and work through the trauma of your childhood.

Also you asked us your question. What would you say to your own daughter, if she asked you the same question? 🌹

If it truly was the case that he needed to walk off every time someone 'doesn't listen'...he'd behave like this with his boss. With his mates. With anyone superior to him.

Does he? Can you imagine him trying to put a new idea to his boss, have his boss not listen to his amazing idea, and then him storming out, telling everyone in the workplace goodbye and expecting his boss to beg and plead with him to stay?

I bet you can't, Because he wouldn't dare behave like this to someone he considers either an equal or a superior. Which should tell you how he thinks of you.

OP I know it's really hard and scary to think about ending it but there is really nothing to stay with him for.
He is horrible to you and he is involving your dd as well. It's absolutely vile to make you feel like that and make you beg him. It's so sad.
He doesn't help you at home you don't find him attractive.
I think you would feel so much lighter and happier on your own. It must be so stressful and confusing for your dd to see her mum being treated like that.

planningaheadtoday that was, so horrible to read I'm so sad that you went through that. I'm very glad you said he's now your ex.

for the OP and all the other posters who've been treated so badly.

What are your options OP?

Do you own or rent? Both work?

Do you have support nearby?

@RightOnTheEdge @Fanthorpe @Happynow001

Thank you.

It was a long time ago and we are in a much happier place now.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. My ex used to do this. Sometimes if he was cooking and it wasn't cooking quick enough, he'd just get up and leave. You have no idea what's going on, why would I grown up do this? So disorientating.

Can I ask another question, as I've never found anyone else do this? Does he ever walk 20 feet in front or behind you like he couldn't possibly walk with you? That used to really upset me.

Ex was abusive so I left but it shows a total disregard for anyone but themselves.

Get shot ffs! Do not inflict this prick on your DD, you both deserve better. If you don't it will have a horrible impact on her life and you need to protect her against that. I know it's just not that easy, but you need to find a way.

Can I ask another question, as I've never found anyone else do this? Does he ever walk 20 feet in front or behind you like he couldn't possibly walk with you? That used to really upset me.

Yes, absolutely, he never wanted to walk with me for the last 4 or 5 years, always preferred to either charge ahead or lag behind.

@GaraMedouar

My exh did- he was a twat. One of the reasons I divorced him.

Yep -mine did it all the time. To the extent I nearly always drove in my car when we went out and him in his. Twat.

My ex did this. It came to me one day when we were out with other couples that they don’t do this; other women didn’t have to walk on eggshells. We have split up now . Thank goodness.

Why do you beg him to stay OP?. That’s the bit I’m not getting. Is it because you would be stuck without transport? Is it because you’d be embarrassed? Because it would upset the kids? It’s clearly a control tactic so as long as it doesn’t put you in a difficult situation, ie you can’t get home, I would let him go. He’s being a manchild. If you are unable to discuss this with him, then there’s no future with him. You need to start planning to end it.

@Checkers88

He says I don't listen and the only way to get me to listen is to say he's leaving (whether it be our home or wherever we are in a day out) he has said that it is why he does it. Because it's the only way to get me to listen (I think by listen he means back down). It's so hard to imagine actually ending it but now I'm like- how can we actually continue? Not because this time was particularly worse, he has done worse, but something in me has just snapped.

Hey OP, It sounds like he is trying to break you. Some of the things you have said indicate that you mistrust your own judgement, but your survival instinct is speaking clearly and I think you know that. I also think that you know you won't be happy until you extricate yourself from this relationship. Good luck OP.