Does your H ever storm off when you're out?

[Checkers88]

Just that really.
I have a pretty dysfunctional family background so I don't really trust my own judgement on this. My H has stormed off (or threatened to storm off but not followed through) many times over the years, whether we are out with dc or just us. He did it yesterday on a family walk and even said goodbye to dc etc and I had to try and plead with him not to go. He didn't in the end, apologised an hour or so later. It's just the straw that's broken the camels back. Is this normal for an adult man? Seriously?
For context it's generally over a minor disagreement or misunderstanding that he will amp up to 11. Yesterday it was over something easily brushed off and within 10 mins it was "I'm going home". So many times before as well.
Feel so, so done and depressed today I just can't take it any more.

What about the anger management stuff? You could suggest he should do a course for that before anything else is agreed.

Reread your posts @Checkers88, especially your first ones. Are you sure you could go back to a relationship like that?

Of course he is pushing - he wants to return to the status quo where you were his subordinate. Where he kept you emotionally see-sawing.

Look at the two halves of the statements below.

But he is telling me that he's willing to work on himself and he knows he's behaved wrongly,

And

and if I don't take this at face value he is getting more irritated.

How do these two reconcile?

Of course you are scared of making a mistake. You are faced with a hard decision. But ask yourself - What positives have you, or your daughter, got to gain from going back to what you had before?

Whatever decision you come to I wish you strength and peace OP.🌹

A lot of what you're going through is what my ex put me through.

They dont realise that their behaviour is chipping away at your love, and each time they damage you, you withdraw a little... until there isn't anything left to give.

Then they wonder why you're being 'cold' with them, and suddenly its your fault that you're not being loving and affectionate, so they go on the attack.

Stay firm. you deserve better than him, dont let him reel you back in.

Just read this from start
To finish and actually
Let out a ‘yess’ when I saw you had told
Him to leave!! Please stay strong!! Think of the saying ‘too little too late’ why does he suddenly realise that he’s got issues the one told
Your basically said fine go?? Why hasn’t he realised every other time, because it was emotional blackmail that’s why!! Knowing you will have to stop challenging him because ‘fine il leave’.. so now you have finally said bye then he’s panicking. Let him, he didn’t care when you panicking the smallest thing would set him off etc. I have recently broke up with somebody like
This and I beg you do not make it work, at different stages he blamed anger issues, depression etc and even though he got help for them
Things this is WHO HE IS and no amount of counselling etc will stop him basically being a big bratty twat. You and your daughter deserves to not live on egg shells,
You sound like
Life’s been better since already. Of course you are
Going to question what if I did this what if I did that, but you could have swung from the ceilings in the bedroom and cuddled
Him until he couldn’t breath on the sofa and he still would have threatened to leave the next row! You don’t need couple counselling when it’s a solo issue! Don’t waste your energy, get in contact with working tax credits etc start your claim and they will back pay you so if you put the date your broke up etc. You will have a better future without him and that’s not a maybe, it’s a fact. All the best xx

Marriage counselling suggests that he sees this as something you both need to work through together.

Has he yet acknowledged that it's his behaviour that needs to change, not yours? In any of these messages trying to win you back, has he apologised for the way he acted?

... my message sounds like I'm suggesting you should take him back if he says sorry. That's not what I mean - I'm merely pointing out that his attempt to get you back doesn't yet place any criticism at his door.

You've called his bluff. So now his usual way of bringing you to heel doesn't work, he's trying different tactics to find a new one.

I wouldn't be surprised if he gets angry and depressed before he starts to accept that you're allowed to have a say in whether you stay in this relationship!

Marriage counselling won't work. He clearly needs proper MH help and to be apart while he does do - and you don't love him any more, so he's not wrong. What he's not acknowledging is that it's entirely his own doing.

There's a slim chance he'll get himself together with the right help but not until he's single.

He's apologised for the way he acted but then he's done that before many times. His parents have read him the riot act about all this apparently. And yet now he's getting arsey about how WE need to talk through OUR issues and now this marriage counselling thing.
I think it's been normalised for me for a long time now that drama and escalations are normal in a relationship . I think when I was younger I ruined relationships with my terrible model I got from my parents and it took some single time, self help including counselling and a lot of work, and having my dd to change me as a person. I now look to de escalate rather than escalate. But he seems to take it up to 11 every time we row and because he TELLS me he loves me and he's sorry, I accept everything he tells me, but in reality I can see I've been living under pressure for years now. With just me and dd I am functioning well, looking after her and talking to my friends and family and doing stuff for myself too- I'm working on a creative project for the first time in ages and listening to my music in the flat and I feel lonely a lot, but not in the same way I did when I was here. I always felt like I needed to be on standby for his moods or needs- now, I only need to worry about how is my dd doing or how am I doing, I don't need to constantly worry that a third party is going to drop a bomb in the day.
It feels very very sad, but I'm also realising that things can be sad and hard but right.

I'm working on a creative project for the first time in ages and listening to my music in the flat and I feel lonely a lot, but not in the same way I did when I was here. I always felt like I needed to be on standby for his moods or needs- now, I only need to worry about how is my dd doing or how am I doing, I don't need to constantly worry that a third party is going to drop a bomb in the day.
Hold onto this thought OP, when you are feeling a wobble.

It feels very very sad, but I'm also realising that things can be sad and hard but right

This is a very wise saying.

Nice to hear that things are starting to calm down without the drama. That is great if you can give your daughter a better role model now than you had :)

Thank him for his apology, say you are happy for him that he wants to deal with his problems now and you wish him all the best, and hope his future relationships benefit from it.

That’s a brilliant place to be, accepting that you’re sad but recognising that’s things are calmer. Most of all there’s no hurry to do anything drastic, just be for a while.

It all sounds really positive. And lovely for you daughter too. Great you’ve got a creative project going on too

Each day you will feel better and stronger until after a few months you will wonder why you put up with it for so long! Keep on going OP, just you and your daughter will thrive from now on.

Also it is recognised that joint counselling is never recommended where there is abuse in a relationship. He needs therapy - alone and for a long time.

My ex always does this....usually when he isn't getting his own way 🙄

My ex does this. Ex is the key word here.

Your life sounds hard work. Not due to any other factor that you have told us about apart from having this man in your life. Get rid and live the quiet life you want with your dd. It will improve 1000 per cent