Does your H ever storm off when you're out?

[Checkers88]

Just that really.
I have a pretty dysfunctional family background so I don't really trust my own judgement on this. My H has stormed off (or threatened to storm off but not followed through) many times over the years, whether we are out with dc or just us. He did it yesterday on a family walk and even said goodbye to dc etc and I had to try and plead with him not to go. He didn't in the end, apologised an hour or so later. It's just the straw that's broken the camels back. Is this normal for an adult man? Seriously?
For context it's generally over a minor disagreement or misunderstanding that he will amp up to 11. Yesterday it was over something easily brushed off and within 10 mins it was "I'm going home". So many times before as well.
Feel so, so done and depressed today I just can't take it any more.

Both my parents used to do this. It was awful.

It is not normal behavior. It took me a long time to learn that.

Walking away isn’t always bad, but it’s about how it is done. There are times when DH and I are having a disagreement that one of us can tell we are spiraling. That is the moment you state you need a time out to calm down. It’s not punishment or avoidance. Simply, we need this discussion to stay focused so I need a minute. Then you come back and calmly resolve things.

When he threatens to do it again tell him to go, don't plead with him to stay. When he comes back, ask him why he's back and if he's going to behave like a toddler again then he should stay away.

His excuses are ridiculous. He's trying to control you.

My DH walked out on my birthday meal last year all because one of the kids wanted a piece of his garlic bread! Hes a knob. We haven't been out together since

I have never been in the company of anyone -Man ,Woman or child who has stormed off.
I cant even fathom how to carry on a relationship with someone who does this.

Not proud of this btw. I know I need to get some balls and stop being bullied

Well no, he needs to grow some basic human decency and stop bullying you. You can't blame yourself for this, not if you've grown up in an abusive environment.

My exH did this regularly.

A few examples spring to mind.

When I was pregnant I had horrible pain in my pelvis if I walked too far. He decided a hike was good for me and left me when he decided I was lying about the pain. I could hardly hobble back.

He left me when abroad with no passport, luckily he came back for me.

Another time he stormed off when we were abroad and left me with no money (it was in the back pack he was holding).
I had a sick toddler and had to ask at Mac Donald's for water. 4 hours later.....

Another time he left me with two children in a town shopping centre a long distance from home, and took the car.

He stormed off another time when our sick child collapsed, he thought she was faking. She wasn't, she was 3 and had a UTI.

He would leave me alone with a sick child, so that meant if we happened to be away from home I couldn't get access to food or drink as I couldn't leave them alone in an room.

He is now my ExH. Life gets much easier without all the eggshells, the second guessing and the worry of how he'll react.
I still cry when I remember the horrible things he did. This is not normal, most men are decent.

Gosh that’s bad for an adult. Can’t he talk? I hope he doesn’t also throw himself on the floor and wail in the supermarket aisle when there’s no ice cream before dinner!

Walking away isn’t always bad, but it’s about how it is done
It is actually very telling that often, this man is not even leaving. He's just threatening to leave. His aim is not to calm down.

My ex did this on holiday in the middle of Spain! €50 later in a taxi back to the hotel and an awkward plane ride home later he got dumped!

Actually years ago, DH (then BF) got into a heated row in a car. He pulled over jumped out the drivers seat and ran up the motorway embankment to cool down...I think we were both about 18 and very hot headed back then. Nothing like that since!

Read up about ‘emotional withholding’.

There’s every chance it’s a learned behaviour, but it doesn’t excuse it.

Having five minutes away from a situation if you’re really angry and unable to communicate is one thing, but if you can see this withdrawing is causing real distress to your partner then you really need to address it. The ‘not listening to me’ is worrying though, does he mean that you don’t do what he says? Does he control you in other ways?

He says I don't listen Yeah, it's annoying when people don't listen, but if you're really that bad why does he stay? He could choose to find his fantasy woman who "listens" to his every word but he still stays with you and insists that you must agree or he'll leave you and your children at any given moment. Instead of finding someone who agrees with him he wants to compel you to agree, why is that?

Also adults can listen to each other and continue to disagree. So I think what is very likely is that you're listening but still have your own opinion, which isn't always the same as his.

Why beg him?!

Just ignore him. Or wave him bye bye

Then remain lighthearted with kids about silly daddy

Then go home and quietly prepare for divorce (I would not live with someone who expects me to beg him to stay on a regular basis)

I feel like he does it because he knows you'll beg him to stay. If it was me I'd wave goodbye hun and call his bluff! Then he'd feel pretty stupid I'm sure. Feel sorry for DC who probably feels really scared and insecure seeing you beg!

Bloody hell @planningaheadtoday that’s absolutely outrageous. What an utter bastard.

@Pikachubaby

Why beg him?!

Just ignore him. Or wave him bye bye

Then remain lighthearted with kids about silly daddy

Then go home and quietly prepare for divorce (I would not live with someone who expects me to beg him to stay on a regular basis)

Yes 🙌🏼

It's a power thing. Get rid

This is really not a good thing for your children to have to witness. Its not giving them a role model for a healthy relationship. But I think you know that really

Well, of course course it's not ok. Could be that it's his way of dealing with aggression bubbling up inside him. Still not ok of course, but maybe he could take some anger management courses? Is he otherwise a good partner? By that I mean, not offensive, supportive, involved dad, pulling his weight domestically etc. If you think he is worth it, then talk about it. If not, consider steps to separating, as at one point that aggression might spill over.

My ex did this , definitely a tool to control you with. Our ds was 3 years old when I decided I didn't want him to start noticing this behaviour from his dad, so when ex dp did his usual " I'm leaving " I said Good please go .
After that it actually took me a year to get him out !!!
You need to get rid of him as this is damaging for your kids.
PS the last time he said he was leaving was because I asked him to get up with early rising DS.

My DH did used to storm off........when he was 17 / 18.

He hasn’t done it for 15 years though

My father used to do it. It's to make you beg him to stay.

Dd isn't his, if that matters but we got together when she was about 1.5. Her dad has never been in the picture. He isn't massively involved with her- I do all the playing, discipline (he tried it but I found him way too strict), daily routine stuff, reading, etc. He's a bit like having just another kid to be honest.
He doesn't do a lot domestically. He does the cooking which he likes. He does diy if asked. I would say I do the lions share. We have argued about this before but surprise surprise it's a sore subject for him.
I guess I am just sick of being the mum of a sulky teenager as well as a small child, and sick of being jerked around emotionally, and sick of feeling like a single parent a lot of the time in regards to the day to day.
I don't know why Ive stayed with it so long but I think I just thought it was normal and also that no one would want me after dd dad left. I definitely lowered my standards. However even I can see that this is no life.

Needless to say I don't really fancy him or feel affectionate anymore after a few years of this and he definitely picks up on it and tries to push my buttons for a reaction or because he wants something from me I'm not giving but I just can't help it. Like today... I don't feel ok after yesterday's incident and he knows it. He knows I have given him an ultimatum about this stuff in the past and that he's on thin ice. But he's now just trying to start a row about how funny I'm being. I know it's coming.

My ExH used to do this all the time. Like you, I would often beg him to come back/talk to me etc (I cringe now when I remember)

During the last year of our marriage I stopped pandering to this behaviour and ignored the tantrums completely. When he was storming about threatening to leave, never come back, etc I used to respond with 'Can you get some milk whilst you're gone' or similar and then let him get on with it.

When the marriage was over (because he'd fucked off and found someone else) he said I didn't love him anymore, and had proven I didn't care about his feelings when he was cross or upset. So he needed me to beg, he needed to keep me hanging for days wondering if/when he'd come round. That is seriously messed up.

It's all about control,.....