Does your H ever storm off when you're out?

[Checkers88]

Just that really.
I have a pretty dysfunctional family background so I don't really trust my own judgement on this. My H has stormed off (or threatened to storm off but not followed through) many times over the years, whether we are out with dc or just us. He did it yesterday on a family walk and even said goodbye to dc etc and I had to try and plead with him not to go. He didn't in the end, apologised an hour or so later. It's just the straw that's broken the camels back. Is this normal for an adult man? Seriously?
For context it's generally over a minor disagreement or misunderstanding that he will amp up to 11. Yesterday it was over something easily brushed off and within 10 mins it was "I'm going home". So many times before as well.
Feel so, so done and depressed today I just can't take it any more.

I had one of these too. He was a controlling arse. And wanted me to be void of any emotions or opinions I was never allowed to be tired or sad for example.

For him sex =love. So all those thoughtful things you do. Like letting him lie in or taking him a cuppa weren't a sign of love. I had to want to shag him always.

I never made him happy. And although I miss the happy times. I have a peaceful and non coercive home. Now

He sounds so similar to my exh.

Frequently when I was with him I felt confused, insecure, fearful and permanently knackered from the highs followed by crushing lows. It is no way to live OP.

My ExH did this, claimed he didn't remember when later pulled up on it. He stormed off in a shop without any explanation whilst I was waiting to be served. Couldn't give any explanation afterwards. I seriously thought about driving off and getting rid of him there and then. I should have done. This was just another example of the petulant, sulky behaviour which I got from him on an almost daily basis. It was when the extreme anxiety kicked in that I realised that years of it had taken a toll on my mental health and divorced him

The thing to remember is that he loves it when you beg him. That's exactly what he's after. It makes you vulnerable and puts him in charge of what happens.

Get rid. Live with your daughter and forego all the drama that this twat loves.

You've had some fantastic advice @Checkers88 so I won't say too much.

I will say this though - there's no point in trying to reason or discuss with an abusive bully. They do whatever it takes to stay in control and keep you guessing and spinning.

Please find a safe way out. You may need a plan to do this.

Good luck , we're all here supporting you.

Oh my goodness, he sounds like a 3 year old! I don't know any adult who does this!

Turning it around on you and accusing you of all the things he's doing (gaslighting, etc) is classic emotional abuse. Storming off is a control tactic. You begging him to stay massages his ego, gives him power. He loves it!

I doubt he'll ever change now and to be honest, doesn't sound like there's much saving! Do you want to spend the rest of your life on eggshells? Triggering memories from the past? Life is too short to spend it with dickheads.

You deserve better OP! As does your dc. Sounds like dd is next on the list for his emotional abuse.

I often walk away from an argument. I will often go sit in the car etc. I won't go. Nor will I threaten. I just say. I'm making the situation worse. So I'm going till it blows over

Maybe I'm very wrong. But I was abused by a violent stepfather. I just can't handle shouting. It rocks me to my core.

OP this isnt fair on your DD at all to live in this environment - look at the bean bag he wanted to put his feet somewhere and her objection didnt matter he overruled her boundaries.

It’s a form of control and indicative of abusive behaviours. You need to think about being by yourself with your child for a happier life. Please do it for your child, if you won’t do it for yourself.

Op, youre stuck in the cycle of abuse. He does this to control you.

Phone your LL to have the tenancy moved to your name. Then he goes.

Dont have you child grow up with these same expectations. You have to break the cycle

I think it's time to tell him it's over. You don't need to discuss the details just tell him you've had enough. That is all. Start planning your escape now.

Look at all these stories - majority are about ex partners, which tells you everything you need to know.

My 80 year old mother has done this for almost 60 years. The only reason she has stopped is because of her mobility problems. It was usually on holidays that my dad had worked hard all year to provide and we would be in tears. She's still abusive and controls him now and tbh if he didn't have myself and my brother she would have ruined his life.
It has definitely affected my mental health. The older I get the more I realise she is abusive and mentally unwell.
Don't do that to your daughter.

He threatens to divorce you, he has ignored ultimatums, he treats you badly.
This sounds like a marriage in its death throes OP.
Take the upper hand and end it on your terms.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3902065-But-we-took-you-to-Stately-Homes-May-2020-onwards-thread

@bringbacksideburns have you ever visited these threads? Might find some support and advice there if you’re in need, you’re not alone.

He is abusing you - he's using your past trauma to control you and get you to toe the line.

Basically his love/attention is conditional upon you behaving how he wants. Otherwise he abandons you.

Cunt.

Is this how you want your DD to view her future relationships? You need to end the cycle

My exh would do this often. And created situations where I had to escape for safety (from him) but left me very vulnerable. Looking back, I don’t recognise myself as someone who would tolerate that. It’s coercion and abuse, hope you can leave him soon

I often walk away from an argument. I will often go sit in the car etc. I won't go. Nor will I threaten. I just say. I'm making the situation worse. So I'm going till it blows over. Maybe I'm very wrong. But I was abused by a violent stepfather. I just can't handle shouting. It rocks me to my core.

@Hoggleludo OP wasn't shouting at all. Her husband just got stroppy and stormed off.

If you're meaning that you need a break from arguments, so you can empathise with her H, I don't think it's the same. Because there wasn't one, he was just being an arse.

Also, there could be a difference between you saying 'I need some time out' and how her H storms off, also making a thing of doing so with saying goodbye etc to the children.

I know

I meant I often walk away during an argument. Purely because I find it hard to stay shouting. It frightens me

That’s me though

I just wondered if what I was doing was wrong

The way he acts, chips away at you and you no longer feel like being lovey dovey with him.
Every time he storms off, it's embarrassing and just boring now. You'll get the point where you don't care anymore when he storms off.
The only way to fix it is to separate, he'll need to get some professional help. You can't carry on like this for another 5 years.
Been there. Done that. Got out and trust me, the other side is so much better.

When I wouldn't rise to his jibes today he ended up turning off the WiFi when I was working to get me to talk. Then when I had to go to pick up my dd said he would double lock me out and I couldn't get back in.
Honestly fuck this. What man acts like that? It's all so incredibly nasty and controlling. My brother has agreed to come home with me in case I can't get back in.
This thread has helped me work through something very important the past couple of days.

I called him an idiot before I left which tbh is by no means as strong as how I actually feel!!! C**t more comes to mind...

Oh @Checkers88 he sounds like a prize wanker that's for sure. I'm glad you seem to have had enough now and are seeing the light! You got this 💪🏼❤️

Is your brother able to put you up for a little while do you can get some respite? Or anyone else? Do take with you any personal papers (eg birth and marriage certificates, passports, financial reports/bank statements) with you and leave securely with your brother. First step, hopefully, to a better life.

He is clearly escalating.

He is escalating because you are not begging forgiveness and promising to change your behaviour.
Stay strong OP. And dont back down now. You are doing brilliantly

Thank you @fanthorpe