Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

333 replies

Applesarenotoranges · 23/06/2020 14:03

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?

If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
LonelyGir1 · 23/06/2020 19:23

The toys aren’t suspicious, but the enema is.

Just ask him, but without presuming it changes his sexuality as some people have here. Liking anal play does not automatically make someone gay or bi!

LokiOdinson · 23/06/2020 19:29

Homophobia/biphobia aren't hate crimes all the time. They're microaggressions too - it's biphobic to say you think your husband will sleep around because he's bi. Why is it that bisexual people can't decide for themselves what fulfils them?

heartsonacake · 23/06/2020 19:33

So, so much ignorance in this thread. Men liking assplay does not mean they’re bisexual or homosexual.

Plenty of straight men like assplay; prostate stimulation is very pleasurable for men but a lot of them never dare try it because of the idiot thoughts shown on this thread about it meaning they must be gay/bi.

heartsonacake · 23/06/2020 19:34

The toys aren’t suspicious, but the enema is.

LonelyGirl1 What? Why on earth would the enema be suspicious? Confused

slashlover · 23/06/2020 19:36

But it isn’t biphobic for someone to worry that they might not be able meet all of the partners sexual needs, whatever they were.

Why would a bisexual person have more sexual needs than a straight person? People seem to be linking sexuality with the sexual act.

sandy541 · 23/06/2020 19:39

He hasn't hidden the toys from you. Privacy is one thing, secrets not so good.
If he is using the toys while away he may be concerned about making a mess, that may explain the enema use.
stimulation of the prostate is healthy and fun 😊

LuxLuxLux84 · 23/06/2020 19:42

I would be horrified and I would never touch him again!

AskingforaBaskin · 23/06/2020 19:48

@Dhalmeup Being Gay or Bi is a sexual attraction to the same or both sexes.
Her DH isn't gay or Bi. He likes anal play. That's it. He's still straight. HTH

AskingforaBaskin · 23/06/2020 19:49

Also. Did he get them online or in a shop. I used to work in a sex you shop. It's no different to any other store in that management want you to up sell.
So if he bought them in a shop he would've been advised to get the enema.
Also if he bought them online they sometimes come with the recommendation of getting this or that.

heartsonacake · 23/06/2020 19:55

@LuxLuxLux84

I would be horrified and I would never touch him again!
You would be horrified at a man pleasuring a natural part of his body?
Opentooffers · 23/06/2020 19:59

I'd wonder why he has not mentioned this liking the whole time of knowing him. I'd wonder why he only uses them when away and not with me, then I'd wonder what else he is secretive about when working away. Just him in a hotel room using them, that's the best case scenario, but if it was just a preference and not that he was experimenting with someone else, wouldn't he have mentioned this inclination by now?

AskingforaBaskin · 23/06/2020 20:04

I'd wonder why he has not mentioned this liking the whole time of knowing him. I'd wonder why he only uses them when away and not with me

Easy. Because of the stigma attached. Just look at some of the twats on here. People saying they'd leave him now. No questions. Solely out of disgust.

slashlover · 23/06/2020 20:06

I'd wonder why he has not mentioned this liking the whole time of knowing him. I'd wonder why he only uses them when away and not with me, then I'd wonder what else he is secretive about when working away. Just him in a hotel room using them, that's the best case scenario, but if it was just a preference and not that he was experimenting with someone else, wouldn't he have mentioned this inclination by now?

He probably hasn't mentioned it due to the stigma, and judging by all the He must be gay/He must be bisexual/He must be shagging someone else replies, I can't say I blame him.

Sizedoesmatter · 23/06/2020 20:13

I can't believe people actually calling others 'biphobic' for their own personal preferances. People are allowed to decide for themselves who's dick they want inside their body without being shamed and called homophobic or biphobic.

That carry on makes you look fucking ridiculous. People have preferances, get the fuck over it. You aren't entitled to anyone else's body 🤷‍♀️

AskingforaBaskin · 23/06/2020 20:20

People are trying to shame him because of his preferences. He hasn't demanded OP join. He has his own ways to pleasure himself in private. So yes. Shame on them. I do judge them.

BarbedBloom · 23/06/2020 20:21

It wouldn't be an issue for me at all. We have toys like this that we use while together. DH isn't gay or bi, though him being bi wouldn't be a problem for me as I am bi. I find this thread quite depressing to be honest and it shows why men do deny liking this stuff.

I have been with quite a few men who enjoy prostate stimulation because it feels good. How he chooses to masturbate is up to him and I I wouldn't be supporting a man who thought he could police a woman's sex toys or masturbation.

FWIW as a bi woman married to a man, people don't need to be insecure. I fall for the person, not the sex. Sex with a different sex is different obviously, but if someone is monogamous, they are monogamous. If someone was into casual sex or affairs then they would have double the options, but my relationship is about more than sex and what sex we have is enjoyable, so I have no desire to seek any other partner no matter what is between their legs.

ABlackRussian · 23/06/2020 20:24

I’m now not sure if I should discuss it further, whether it should be a thing we do together or not. He works away sometimes and takes them with him then. I don’t know if he uses them in the house - wasn’t sure about asking further.

Sorry, but I think you're treating him like a child! It's no big deal. He likes his ass played with, it turns him on. Unless you're willing to stick your finger/s up there (are you?), he's going to need some sort of instrument to do the job.

By all means, talk to him, but say what? You know he likes it up the arse, so what else is there to say, apart from: "Why didn't you tell me about these purchases...?"

Well, maybe he's embarrassed. Would you be?

whether it should be a thing we do together or not

Hmm He may not want to do that with you. He may want to do this on his own

I know then when a partner tried to introduce sex toys to me, it made me cringe! I took said toys off him and told him I'd rather play in peace Grin

My body, my privacy, and that does not change, regardless of whether I'm with someone.

NoMoreDickheads · 23/06/2020 20:25

We should really keep the ‘phobic’ words for when it is actually phobia/a hate crime or they just become diluted.

This is an aside from the thread really, but for instance years ago I had a bloke dump me because he 'couldn't have me around his kids.' I had someone say I shouldn't go into teaching/be around children.

I'd say these are -phobias as I'm not any danger to/going to corrupt children at all.

Thinking a bi person is more likely to cheat is a -phobia too, as it's a fear that they're more likely to do something nasty (cheat) than a straight person.

Carlottacoffee · 23/06/2020 20:26

It doesn’t mean that he is gay or bi. Just that he like bum play.

However I don’t think anything should go in where pooh comes out of - but that’s just my personal view Blush

YourVagesty · 23/06/2020 20:31

Her DH isn't gay or Bi. He likes anal play. That's it. He's still straight. HTH

That's a bit of a big assumption.

I know this a sample size of one, but my friend hides his vibrators from his wife because of his secret attraction to men. He's one man but it demonstrates that it's not beyond the bounds of human behaviour to be secretly bi/gay.

YourVagesty · 23/06/2020 20:33

We should really keep the ‘phobic’ words for when it is actually phobia/a hate crime or they just become diluted. Not others internal thoughts or worries.

Yy.

slashlover · 23/06/2020 21:03

I can't believe people actually calling others 'biphobic' for their own personal preferances. People are allowed to decide for themselves who's dick they want inside their body without being shamed and called homophobic or biphobic.

That carry on makes you look fucking ridiculous. People have preferances, get the fuck over it. You aren't entitled to anyone else's body 🤷‍♀️

People are being called biphobic for thinking that bisexual people are more likely to cheat on their partners.

Sizedoesmatter · 23/06/2020 21:10

@slashlover

I can't believe people actually calling others 'biphobic' for their own personal preferances. People are allowed to decide for themselves who's dick they want inside their body without being shamed and called homophobic or biphobic.

That carry on makes you look fucking ridiculous. People have preferances, get the fuck over it. You aren't entitled to anyone else's body 🤷‍♀️

People are being called biphobic for thinking that bisexual people are more likely to cheat on their partners.

No, it began because a couple of posters said they would not want to be in a relationship with someone who was bisexual. As is everyone's right to decide what they do or do not want in a partner.
Raaaa · 23/06/2020 21:10

If I found my DP had those toys I'd be a bit shocked Shock I don't think I'd bring it up to him though and certainly hope he was keeping them clean Grin

sammylady37 · 23/06/2020 21:46

I feel so sorry for some of the partners of posters here. I can not comprehend how people think that they should have full knowledge of how exactly their partner masturbates and what they fantasize about, and that they may contemplate ending a relationship because of someone’s masturbatory practices. It’s weirdly controlling, and as someone else said, if the genders were reversed here the thread would go very differently.