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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Gone off men permanently

170 replies

Wynterbaby · 21/06/2020 21:24

I just am sick of them. Coming on here makes it worse to be fair. Society is ridden with shitty men who treat females like their servants and abuse them mentally/verbally/financially. Make their other half pick up most of their slack including parenting duties. Feel they can judge the female body and critique it when the most judgemental ones usually have a chode or additional flab themselves but we just accept them as they are.
I realise there are some good ones but I am being absolutely serious when I say I’ve met a handful of men in my entire lifetime who haven’t made me feel disgusted or uncomfortable in one way or another.
I just am at a point where I’m so aware of how superior they really do think they are and without reason.
I don’t think I can get over it and I really do feel like I’d rather be alone forever with my DD then ever deal with a mans shit ever again. I’ve been single for 2 years and it’s been absolute heaven. And coming on here reading how so many women are abused in so many ways at the hands of men makes me so angry and realise what I’m choosing is the right thing.
Does anyone feel the same or do I need therapy and a bucket of wine?

OP posts:

rowrowrowyaboat · 22/06/2020 16:25

Couldnt agree more, the future is definitely single for me. Iv not met a 'good' man yet, all being abusive in their own way. Il be concentrating on me and my children for the foreseeable for sure.

B9008 · 22/06/2020 16:26

Relationships are not compulsory. If you don’t want one, don’t have one.

Original poster

Wynterbaby · 22/06/2020 16:56

Definitely not a sexual - just turned off by gross men who need to be mothered and control females to feel powerful themselves. I call that coming to my sense rather that I have no ability to desire someone. What a load of crap!
I’m glad so many of you agree. I sometimes feel bitter or like I’m angry at the world and then I give myself a reality check and think actually no. All the things I think and feel about the majority of men have solid grounds considering I’ve lived a life tarnished by their vulgarity. As young as I can remember perhaps about 12 years old in my school uniform I would get beeped at by vile white van drivers and I didn’t wear make up so was VERY obviously VERY young. It’s just rice and expected as something you should put up with as a woman. Men are no where near subjected to the same amount of shit!

OP posts:

LydiaAmbrose1 · 22/06/2020 17:06

OP, I feel exactly the same. I do know that lovely men exist though. My first serious relationship was with a truly wonderful man. He was such a happy, positive, loving man who truly respected me and saw the best in me. He was the complete opposite of my now husband. Not a day goes by when I don’t regret losing my first love. If only we could clone him. Don’t give up hope. There are some really lovely men out there. I have to remind myself of that sometimes

Original poster

Wynterbaby · 22/06/2020 17:12

Loads of typos I was cooking chilli and ranting at the same time - make of that last message what you will!

OP posts:

katiie3 · 22/06/2020 17:14

I feel the same. After years of dating, it has drained me. I have met men that haven’t been abusive or hurt me physically but their actions did not match their words.

I felt they were lazy with making an effort to show their interest or plans to grow together. It became more of them living their life and then meeting up when it was do-able.

I used to enjoy dating and really looked forward to it but now I have zero interest. I would rather sit in on my own than have someone next to me.

NoMoreDickheads · 22/06/2020 18:19

Other option is to start a new 'happily single' thread in the vein of previous ones, as not everyone who wants to talk about the benefits of an independent life has gone off men.

@TirisfalPumpkin The Happy Singleton thread could be resurrected. I think it's good to stick to the current name 'Happy Singleton' as a lot of people will know it and there's also a FB group for MN Happy Singletons, though it's not as busy as the thread here is when it's around. Think I'll bump it.

@Wynterbaby No, I'm not asexual at all either, I'm quite fond of my Magic Wand toy. But I don't want all the disrespectful comments etc and other hassle I've experienced from men.

I didn't spot that post about asexuality, but I can imagine which poster it is. If it's the bloke I think then I have my own theories about his motivations for being on MN, as he always posts MRA-style comments.

NoMoreDickheads · 22/06/2020 18:25

I bumped it hopefully www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3789560-The-Happy-Singleton-All-welcome unless there's a newer one.

Happygirl79 · 22/06/2020 18:30

Totally agree with you OP
Married twice
Divorced them both
Ive been single and financially independent for 9 years now.. This is heaven. No one elses bad moods can spoil my days any more
I adore living alone. I have lots of friends and a good family. More than enough for me

Acdmm41 · 22/06/2020 18:36

Same here, dating is like looking through a bargain bin. Not saying there isn't a gem at the bottom but is it ever worth the effort? Feel genuinely content on my own and honestly can't see that I'll ever feel any different.

Cheeeeislifenow · 22/06/2020 18:36

I'm married and I agree.
Never met a good man. That's my experience. For what I can see in the World, is that men are more violent, sexually aggressive and power hungry.
I'm really beginning to dislike men the older I get.

Babdoc · 22/06/2020 18:47

I think you need to snap up one of the few good men while they’re young and still available. The longer you leave it, the more the dating pool shrinks, until it consists entirely of rejects!
I met DH when I was 19, and we moved in together 3 days later. He was the absolute love of my life, undid all the damage of my abusive parents, cooked for me, did half the chores, drove up to 200 miles a day to chauffeur me to work before I passed my driving test, was a wonderful hands on father to our two babies, taught me the meaning of love - and tragically died when he was 36. I miss him still, nearly 29 years later, but he is irreplaceable. I never remarried, and raised our two babies alone.

OnceUponACat · 22/06/2020 19:02

I dislike this concept of all the remaining men being rejects. Can the same be said about the single older women then?

Cheeeeislifenow · 22/06/2020 19:02

Sorry for your loss @babdoc 💐

DisobedientHamster · 22/06/2020 19:04

@B9008

Relationships are not compulsory. If you don’t want one, don’t have one.

Spot on!

NoMoreDickheads · 22/06/2020 19:11

@Babdoc Sorry for your tragic loss. [flower]

The dating pool shrinks in one's late 20s/early 30s maybe, but within about 5 years it opens again, as over 1 in 2 relationships split up and a lot of/most people end up back on the market.

Badtasteflump · 22/06/2020 19:21

OP I don't agree with you necessarily but I also don't think you need therapy. I was in a v toxic relationship many years ago. When it finally ended I vowed never to bother with men again. But then a few years down the line I happened to meet somebody who was lovely, treated me with respect and kindness etc, but I kept him at arms length because I was determined not to get involved. But over time he stayed lovely and I couldn't help falling for him. 20 years later he is still just the same and I couldn't wish for a better partner. He/we also have lots of male friends who treat their wives well, would never cheat, etc - Maybe the good ones stick together, I don't know. But my point is, there is nothing wrong with wanting to stay single and not look for a relationship. But you may also meet someone along the way who likes you enough to want to stick around and prove he's worth it. Incidentally, I also have male family members who are just as 'good' as any women out there, and work with some very decent men too. I refuse to label all men as arseholes just because some of them are.

Aerial2020 · 22/06/2020 19:28

Bargin bin?
Rejects?

I have many friends on dating sites, with and without children. They are def not rejects.
It's fine to be on your own. Don't need to keep defending it. But not everyone experience is the same as yours.

BigBoosh · 22/06/2020 19:29

@NoMoreDickheads

Other option is to start a new 'happily single' thread in the vein of previous ones, as not everyone who wants to talk about the benefits of an independent life has gone off men.

@TirisfalPumpkin The Happy Singleton thread could be resurrected. I think it's good to stick to the current name 'Happy Singleton' as a lot of people will know it and there's also a FB group for MN Happy Singletons, though it's not as busy as the thread here is when it's around. Think I'll bump it.

@Wynterbaby No, I'm not asexual at all either, I'm quite fond of my Magic Wand toy. But I don't want all the disrespectful comments etc and other hassle I've experienced from men.

I'm very far from a MRA guy haha. Bit rich from someone who wears their prejudices through their username Nomoredickheads.

annabel85 · 22/06/2020 19:50

@joystir59

Speaking as a lesbian I'm often bemused at best and appalled at worst at what women all to often put up with to be with men, and to pander to the male gaze.

There are stats that DV rates are highest in lesvian couples

annabel85 · 22/06/2020 19:50

Lesbian

vikingwife · 22/06/2020 20:05

@LydiaAmbrose1 oh how I feel your post. My first love was exactly the same

Unfortunately I did not yet understand my mother was a covert narcissist & manipulated me into giving him up

I only found out years later the part she had played & how I had been played like a pawn.

I can’t believe I let the most amazing guy go who I adored because I thought my mother’s approval was more important. He waited 8 years for me, now it’s too late & he is with someone else now, lucky girl.

One of my few real deep regrets in life....

isthismylifenow · 22/06/2020 20:19

One 20 year marriage and one 18 month relationship and now I just couldn't be bothered with it in all honesty.

It's exhausting and I don't have the head space for starting all over again. I see a lot of older people being afraid of being alone. I'm 50 and have no intention of having another relationship ever again. And if one did miraculously transpire, I will never live with a man again.

I have a son so I'm not slating all males, it's just for me, it's a case of been there and done that and I now know, it's just not for me.

DandyMandy · 22/06/2020 20:28

@annabel85 Where are these statistics then? I highly doubt it. If anything, gay male couples would have high rates of DV. DV is on the rise in straight couples (aka the male being violent towards the woman, look at how many women have been killed during lockdown and how two women a week in the UK are killed by current or former male partners) but I guess that will be denied.

annabel85 · 22/06/2020 21:06

[quote DandyMandy]@annabel85 Where are these statistics then? I highly doubt it. If anything, gay male couples would have high rates of DV. DV is on the rise in straight couples (aka the male being violent towards the woman, look at how many women have been killed during lockdown and how two women a week in the UK are killed by current or former male partners) but I guess that will be denied.[/quote]
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-29994648

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_lesbian_relationships

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