Gone off men permanently

[Wynterbaby]

I just am sick of them. Coming on here makes it worse to be fair. Society is ridden with shitty men who treat females like their servants and abuse them mentally/verbally/financially. Make their other half pick up most of their slack including parenting duties. Feel they can judge the female body and critique it when the most judgemental ones usually have a chode or additional flab themselves but we just accept them as they are.
I realise there are some good ones but I am being absolutely serious when I say I’ve met a handful of men in my entire lifetime who haven’t made me feel disgusted or uncomfortable in one way or another.
I just am at a point where I’m so aware of how superior they really do think they are and without reason.
I don’t think I can get over it and I really do feel like I’d rather be alone forever with my DD then ever deal with a mans shit ever again. I’ve been single for 2 years and it’s been absolute heaven. And coming on here reading how so many women are abused in so many ways at the hands of men makes me so angry and realise what I’m choosing is the right thing.
Does anyone feel the same or do I need therapy and a bucket of wine?

I’m not bitter - I’m just wiser now after a succession of awful experiences with men. Most experiences I have had with men have left me feeling intimidated, stupid, violated, a piece of meat... the list goes on. If it offends people that I condemn those behaviours that most men I have encountered myself display at least one of, then I’m sorry but it’s reality. It’s actually the reality for most women, but sadly a lot of women are blind to the daily misogyny thats engrained in modern day life. We are subject to the same shit all the time. This extends further than personal relationships for me, the workplace, my father, male customers I deal with in my job who belittle me and NO WAY would they talk to my male counterparts the same way. There’s a freedom and a real feeling of content in just accepting that I can’t put up with it and I don’t have to and I suppose this thread is about that realisation and how good it fucking feels.

Same. YADNBU.

Honestly, mumsnet and my experiences with boys in the last year have completely changed my view on men. I would hate to describe myself as a man-hater, but I think the majority of them are just lame as hell. I know there's definitely good ones out there, but I think you have to be very lucky to find one.

Interesting thread.

I'm not trying to find somebody for a ltr either, although I have a kind of bf....... I say kind of because of lockdown. We are friends more than anything now.

What i wanted was not available as the vast majority of single men are either not even single, or show their abusive colours before too long, or have low self-esteem &/ or porn addicts with erectile disfunction and attachment disorders. Or they love bomb you and discard you. Why bother.

There are no doubt good men out there but if you look on line, that is not what you'll find.

I realise now that being single brings with it a bit of freedom. I am starting to not just 'accept' my future as a single woman but to look forward to being able to do what I want to do. I want to be braver and if I'm braver, there's nothing I can't enjoy as a single woman.

Unlike a lot of women my age (50) my life won't change if my boyfriend finishes our relationship. I have my own house, job, life, kids, plans. No couple friendships. That used to make me sad! I can hardly believe it now.

I would hate to be in a situation now where my life could be upended by my husband's inability to stop flirting with 25 year olds at work.

@Wynterbaby I hear you. Being in a conventional relationship is just one option and once you realise that it's not worth the effort of chasing after what is just one way of living your life, you stop searching for the unfindable and just start enjoying life.

@annabel85 this is true. I used to wonder what people made of my single-ness. I was definitely self-conscious about it, afraid they'd have assumed I was not cool, boring, fucked up, bad in bed, unattractive, weird.............

Now though at 50, I no longer care what people make of my 'singleness'. I'm kind of proud of it. I could have caved and settled a couple of times but no doubt I'd have been on AIBU saying he never loads the dishwasher and he is always on his phone. It's just not worth the loss of freedom.

If you'd told me at 35 or even 40 that I'd lose the self-conscious embarrassment about aging as an older perpetually single woman, I wouldn't have thought I could end up getting over it and actually feeling proud of staying single.

Interesting thread. I'm in my mid 50s, divorced 12 years ago, had quite a few relationships since then but now not had sex for 5 years. The last relationship was stressful and difficult and frankly I'm really good at life on my own. My choices, my travels and adventures, time with my nearly adult kids, friends, galleries and movies. I like men still, love their company and wouldn't mind it if I found a new companion but It would be 'nice to have' not essential to my life and happiness. I have so much independence it would be very hard to sacrifice any of it.

Oh and by the way, I don't think I know a soul who gives my singleness a second thought.

I'd actually assume a lot of married women start to envy single women in their fifties. Once the children are young adults and the perceived stigma of being a single parent is no longer really relevant.......... Then you have the freedom to just do what you want to do.

Im one year out of a 12 year abusive relationship, and in my 50s. Only one DS left at home and we live totally separately.. No way can i be arsed with another relationship, i was single for nine years before i met my XP busy raising my boys, it's my time now..
No more drama please, sure it would be great to have someone to natter too daily, have a cuddle when youre low etc, but my god the chances of prince charming being out there are bloody slim lets be honest, i'm done with even contemplating wasting my time, too much life to get on with!

Im with you on this, 2 years single and i look back at times and cant believe the shit i put up with...the only person that will control me is Me

I have a lovely partner. However I think as I have got older (I’m now 55) I have less patience with men. I now know that I don’t have to be nice all the time and dance with every man that asks me. That the endless verbal abuse I got as a teenager was wrong and humiliating. That deep down a lot of men are Misogynistic and sexist - or the ones I meet. Not all. Some of my friends husbands are lovely.

Quoting my Mum
Men, such a disappointing breed

comingintomyown do you have a son?

I thought it was just me who was happy to stay single for good. I split from my ex 3 years ago he was my second partner (first cheated on me when our dd was 1week old then left).

My ex was a sexually and mentally abusive and for 10 years I was just a hollow shell of a person. Since splitting up it's now been found that he was also a child abuser and took full advantage of me working nights.

I know not all men are like this but I just can't be assed with it anymore. People keep telling me that I'm only in my 30s and it's silly to write myself off but to be honest I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. I don't miss sex because I hate it (probably due to ex). I'm also a bit of a people pleaser and I'm fully aware that seems to attract assholes. I even had a guy from my sons school who I've helped by giving his kid lifts to events. Get really nasty with me as apparently that's leading him on. Can't be assed with that shit anymore. Feeling bad for "leading someone on" is what got me into the worst 10yrs of my life. Well apart from having my other two kids it was the worst.

@speakout even if she does, she probably doesnt discuss her love life with her son.

I agree there are mostly crap men out there. Wife work and bad sex is very common. When I look round all the women I know do virtually ALL the housework I fail to see the attraction. I have lived with four men prior to having ds and there was only one good at housework the rest were hopeless. Not all of them can do diy either so not even got that to offer!

Winnerella
@speakout even if she does, she probably doesnt discuss her love life with her son.

I am not suggesting for one moment that she does. But for everyone suggesting that all men are such disgusting creatures how does that tally with your own adult son? Does he fit into that "all men are shite" mould"? Or if he is still a child is he destined to become yet another misogynistic abuser?

I would also like to add I really enjoy casual sex and not being tied to anybody. My body my life!

@speakout no boy is destined to become an abuser or disgusting. As I’ve said there are good ones out there so the women who have been put off men and who have sons themselves I’m sure will do an extra amazing job raising them to understand how to treat women in the right way. The reality is grown adult men in 2020 were for the most part raised by generations of men and women where sexism was rife in their upbringing. Change is always possible - no one on here has said otherwise.

There’s always one poster who wants to lambast women for making choices about their own lives. Especially if they don’t involve men.

For some strange reason, this seems to make some people feel very threatened.

I have two sons and I’m trying my best to bring them up as kind gentle non sexist men. It is hard though. I only have to sit down and watch a film with them and the misogamy is appalling. I’m also competing with their mates and I’ve never come across a man that tells his group of friends that their behaviour is inappropriate. Finally their father who again is a really nice bloke but still has ingrained sexism in him.

Quoting my Mum , "Men, such a disappointing breed."

My mother used to say something very similar although she never paid a utility bill or a mortgage payment or contributed a penny towards her own car, in her entire married life. Neither did she ever venture into the gardening or pick up a paint brush. She also refused to do any housework when she went back to work ( she was a reception class teacher ) so my father employed a cleaner, who was lovely. Always agressive and utterly dismissive of my fathers job and colleagues ( he was a Police Officer - Detective Inspector ) they divorced and she moved back to Chicago. My father married the cleaner and they had two more daughters, making five with us three.The last conversation I had with her she advised me to avoid men, because they are all fucking pigs. I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in 30 years.

Ive never met a nasty man. You won’t believe me but it’s true. The world IS full of nice men. To say it isn’t is laughable and I feel sorry for you

To rightisright
Well, you are indeed right, i don’t believe you 😀
But i just want to say that you are very, very lucky.
Your world sounds great! Enjoy it!!