Gone off men permanently

[Wynterbaby]

I just am sick of them. Coming on here makes it worse to be fair. Society is ridden with shitty men who treat females like their servants and abuse them mentally/verbally/financially. Make their other half pick up most of their slack including parenting duties. Feel they can judge the female body and critique it when the most judgemental ones usually have a chode or additional flab themselves but we just accept them as they are.
I realise there are some good ones but I am being absolutely serious when I say I’ve met a handful of men in my entire lifetime who haven’t made me feel disgusted or uncomfortable in one way or another.
I just am at a point where I’m so aware of how superior they really do think they are and without reason.
I don’t think I can get over it and I really do feel like I’d rather be alone forever with my DD then ever deal with a mans shit ever again. I’ve been single for 2 years and it’s been absolute heaven. And coming on here reading how so many women are abused in so many ways at the hands of men makes me so angry and realise what I’m choosing is the right thing.
Does anyone feel the same or do I need therapy and a bucket of wine?

I’ve met a handful of men in my entire lifetime who haven’t made me feel disgusted or uncomfortable in one way or another.

I've met one or two, then got to know them, then realised they were just the same as the rest.

Some of them are also very two faced. If you want to see how men really are, be a barmaid in a local. Once their wives or girlfriends aren't around to behave for they become little more than apes. Step out the back and stay in earshot and listen to what they say about you. That polite and friendly man quickly becomes degenerate and filthy.

There are a lot of good guys out there. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18 (mid-30s now) and he is an absolute delight.

I think more women need to be clear about their expectations. You said one of the issues is men making their partners pick up most the slack including parenting issues. Why are women accepting this? You have to be very clear about what is and is not OK.

Don’t put yourself in a position where you have multiple kids, give up your career to be a SAHM and become financially dependent on a man. A LOT of heartache could be prevented this way!

Accepting defeat is empowering??

Yeah, that's exactly what was said...

It's funny how many women say if it wasn't my husband/partner, I wouldn't bother.
You really don't know how you would be. I reckon most women that say that are back dating again eventually.
There are some that choose celibacy but very very few. Women don't need men to be dependent on. We don't need to live with a man. But can you honestly say you would go without sex (good respectful sex) for the rest of your life?
I very much doubt it.

Yup, I love my DH, but I do long for my own space. If I ever wind up single I don't think I'll ever bother with a relationship again. I'd be perfectly happy with the occasional one night stand if the mood took me, but never at my place. My house would be for me and the DC only.

But can you honestly say you would go without sex (good respectful sex) for the rest of your life?

I can.
I've always found sex a bit messy, moist, uncomfortable and silly. Puffing and panting and oooing ahhing and silly faces. No thank you. If I want a moist lump groping at me I'd get a dog.

I I’ve had one experience where I can honestly say it was respectful and good and he cared about my satisfaction - but aside from that he was unreliable and immature. So actually yes I’d rather pass because finding a man who can work a vagina and care about my pleasure is hard work and frankly I’d rather masturbate.

I thought I would stay completely single if my marriage ended. Dh was the loveliest man ever but marriage to him was immensely hard sometimes as he was chronically mentally ill. I wasn't a brilliant wife at all but it was hard being the breadwinner, carer, lover, and most of all dealing with dh's emotions about not being the breadwinner. Our sex life was actually picking up a bit in the last couple of years of our marriage as ds got older.

Then he died and I was blindsided by my overwhelming need for sex. That has so far been completely separate from wanting a man in my life for dating or 'companionship' (urgh). It's eased a bit but in the early days the maximum time I would give them to talk was about 10 minutes.i still dont want to live with a man, after 2 marriages I just want my bed to myself.

I'm perhaps lucky that finding men for sex - nice, fun, clean, intelligent and imaginative men - is the easiest job in the world. I can have what I want whenever I want it. I will say it has its negative side definitely, and I do get lonely but so far I would rather be lonely sometimes than live with someone again.

Then good for you!

I feel the same OP. I’m in a pretty poor relationship now and I plan to leave. After that I have no intention of ever living with a man again.

I have my kids and I’m financially independent. Our sex life has gone from rubbish to non existent so I won’t miss that either. Even if I did, there’s other ways of dealing with that.

I don’t really see the point of getting another man TBH - they seem to create so much work and stress and don’t add enough value to make up for the hassle.

I've gone off men permanently after my last two relationships. 18 months single and now loving it after taking a while to come to terms with the break up.
I think I am better suited to being single. I was bullied as a teenager for not being pretty and laughed at and told I'd never get a boyfriend. I somehow felt that if I could get a boyfriend and get married at some point, I could prove that I was successful in life. These are society's expectations. Success is being married, having a nice home and having a couple of children running about.
I never wanted children and still don't but somehow I thought I was a failure as I hadn't been in a long-term relationship until I was 30. I'm now early 40s and two long-term relationships later and I'm done.
It's not what I want and I finally have enough self-esteem to see myself as a success in the things I do and not as a failure because I'm not married and the relationships didn't work out.

I can't be bothered any more with putting in all the effort into a relationship and getting little back. Can't be bothered with trying to get someone else onboard with household tasks which they should be doing automatically and not just putting the fucking bins out. Can't be bothered with all the drama and them wanting their own way all the time.
And I certainly cannot be bothered with the drain on my energy when having to cope with someone else's depression (which they wouldn't get treatment for), alcoholism and "need" to visit brothels.
Disgusting.

Unfortunately there is a prime example in number 10 Downing Street. Left his wife who was receiving cancer treatment, for a woman c20 years younger.

I don't blame the OP at all for her thoughts.

I don't dislike all men. I'm not long (a year) out of an 8 year relationship where we didn't live together and only saw one another a few times a month - that was damn near perfect for me. But I'm staying single now. Post menopause I've found that my sex drive is near nil and I don't want to have to force myself to 'oblige' a bloke; I don't want to clear up someone else's mess or make allowances for them.

I've got five adult children, I have friends, I have a lovely little dog and my own house, a job I enjoy. Most men might be okay, but I am more than okay...

I have a lot of hope that my boys will be lovely men
I totally don’t hate men , just don’t want one
Been there , and focus is raising my kids

I feel I know what you mean. I've spent the majority of my adult life in long term relationships which apart from one have been very unhappy. I've been single for 2 years, it's just me & my DS and I've never been happier, I absolutely cannot imagine every having to live with a man again, washing his dirty kecks, cleaning his shit off the toilet pan, the snoring, the mess, the selfishness, the crap sex, just no!

It'd take one hell of a guy to sway this stance and he'd have to be very rich because I am not cleaning up after any fucker ever again!

I have a difference experience.

I find some men are awful but equally find that women can be dreadful too. I have more problems with women than men. I tend to get on with men who are straight talking (I don't mean rude, I mean honest) than women (get fed up with the school mums in the clickly groups)

As you know, entering you without a condom when you only consented on condition they use one ('stealthing') is rape. You didn't consent to that sex. Something doesn't have to be brutally violent in a stereotypical way to be rape. And the act of rape is violent in itself.

I've had some refuse to wear condoms, just outright saying they won't before we start. I let them because I find it hard to say no. I won't again.

I find some men are awful but equally find that women can be dreadful too

That's not really relevant to the discussion. OP is talking about how much she's gone off men due to their behaviour.

Women can be unpleasant but in a different way.

And for a start, women don't tend to often sexually exploit, coerce or rape.

I so agree. After a very long marriage that contained almost every red flag over the years. Selfish, as little family interaction as possible (thought every minute spent with me and DD would earn him 'brownie points' to be used in the pub). Financially abusive when I was part time with DD. Drinking and lads culture - even finding new 'lads' when we moved to another country - he was 55. Rubbish sex that just dwindled out ... MIL from hell. Just about everything going. If Mumsnet had been around when I was a young married woman - I would never have stayed with him. We even got a computer virus which got our banking details after he managed to download it from a porn site called 'Big Jugs'. So I left and have been single for three years. Found what seemed to be a nice man online dating - but liked a drink and got belligerent and controlling when pissed (which seemed to get more and more often). Am online dating still and wondering what the hell I'm still doing it for. Men with baggage usually because of 'pyscho' ex. Men that think all menopausal women 'go funny'. Men that (at my age) are just looking for someone to look after them. I see my friends' husbands treating them the way my ex treated me ... no thanks. If the clouds part and a man appears that is respectful, intelligent, solvent, funny - non-controlling and does his own cooking washing and ironing. Smells nice and gets on with my friends ... I'll be the first to be fucking amazed.

Watching with interest and posting purely because I want to keep this thread going.

I have reached the same conclusion and actually right now I feel vulnerable and actually scared of men. I am so susceptible to manipulators and controlling men, I can't see it coming until I'm tangled up again. I think I know of1 or 2 genuinely good men, one is my brother and the other unfortunately was the victim of an abusive wife.

My own dad, my other brother and even the bloody pastor at my old church we're toxic.

Could we use this thread to encourage each other and remind each other the realities of how good it is being independent? I know sometimes when I get lonely I can start looking in dating apps but in reality, I don't want a man!

I like the idea. Other option is to start a new 'happily single' thread in the vein of previous ones, as not everyone who wants to talk about the benefits of an independent life has gone off men.

I am stumbling at the first hurdle; bought a new table and with my lockdown physique, lifting it is far more of a struggle than it should be. I think I will miss the man strength, height and ability to open jars.

There are lots of tips online for opening jars.

I've found that at my age, 56, all the good ones have been snapped up. After 2 unhappy marriages and 4 children, I'd rather be on my own

@TirisfalPumpkin

I like the idea. Other option is to start a new 'happily single' thread in the vein of previous ones, as not everyone who wants to talk about the benefits of an independent life has gone off men.

I am stumbling at the first hurdle; bought a new table and with my lockdown physique, lifting it is far more of a struggle than it should be. I think I will miss the man strength, height and ability to open jars.

You can always save up all the little jobs (like your table) and then get a handyman in for one day to do all the jobs you physically can't.

Or break them down into tiny steps that are doable - a little bit at a time isn't so bad as trying to do one big heavy thing.

And you can buy gripper things to open jars with.

My single mum friend spent inordinate amounts of time on dating apps only to realise that what she liked were ‘dates’ and the chase, she didn’t actually much like it when it turned into relationships and liked it even less if they lived together- she actually found it supremely dull and had to compromise far too much- yet she still enjoyed going on the odd date.

I agree OP. The more stuff I read on the internet has made me barely have an attraction towards men now. I'm in my 20s and I'm glad I have had my eyes opened to their behaviour.

To the other person saying they have more problems with women then men and are trying to derail this thread, since when have women been the ones committing all the violence, rape and murder? A few mums talking to each other at the school gates are worse than vile criminals? Give me a break. Someone also suggested that you may be asexual (that person is a man btw) even if she is, so what? She probably isn't but not being a big fan of men doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the woman. Maybe men should take a look at themselves instead of throwing blame around constantly.